The Egyptian Football Fan!

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I have been away for a few days. On Wednesday I was in a small village near Cambridge. There happened to be a football match being screened nearby so that not only did we have the commentary from the TV, but also the sound of the crowd down the road. I met a foreign national whose team had not been as successful in the World Cup…

The Egyptian Goose
looked at me and said,
“Who won the match?
because I went to bed!”

“Not England,” I replied

“Nor Egypt too,

they didn’t even get,
into round two!
I’ll be off now,
it’s all the same,
just thank heavens
it’s only a game!”
…and with a shake of his head he was gone muttering as he went about sea lions on a shirt!

© Baldock Bard 2018
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The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
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www.u-boot.co.uk

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Hitching a Ride!

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There are times when you are in the right place at the right time with a camera in your hand. Yesterday was one of those days when a swan went floating by with a cygnet riding on its back…

Aaaaaah!
No more words necessary!

Wishing you a lucky day. Stay happy, safe and healthy.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The One-Winged Bandit!

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Here on the farm we seem to have gained the reputation as a sanctuary for birds who are abandoned, un-loved or poorly. Our latest recruit is a goose who had a nasty operation that ended with the removal of a wing. As he is now in possession of just one ‘arm’ naturally he had to be called ‘Bandit’ (after the fruit machine). He has settled in and is now a fully-fledged member of the much-feared Goose Gang…

Bandit strolls around the farm,
an exaggerated stagger as only one ‘arm’!
He’s slowly joining in with the gang,
as around the pond they hang,
of his bravery there is no lack,
he fights with one ‘arm’ behind his back!

Have a great day and stay safe

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Betty’s Yeti!

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The other day we took a friend to a local garage to look at a Skoda Yeti. If you remember the 70’s and 80’s, every single motoring joke was about a Skoda (eg why does a Skoda have a heater rear window – to keep your hands warm when you push-start it on a winter’s morning! etc. etc. ad nauseam). These days the joke is on other manufacturers. It may be because I’m old, but I was impressed, so was our friend. As a result there will be sightings of a Yeti in London, sleek and silver without the shaggy hair…

A friend has bought a Yeti,
(no, her name’s not Betty!)
No long hair,
like a bear,
the Yeti isn’t sweaty!

Yet again I find myself having to apologise for the quality, one can only hope and pray for better results tomorrow! Best wishes BB

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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‘Snappy’ to the Rescue!

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Last week the GDPR regulations came into force for businesses in the UK. As far as I was aware, the only information we stored for the car boot sales was a list of mobile numbers. Therefore I sent out a text that included the following:
‘All we have is a list of mobile numbers stored on an i-Phone which is kept at night in the cage that holds our pet crocodile, Snappy, and we will never ever give your number to anyone else because you are our friend’
From texts received it would seem that Snappy has a number of fans out there, but even if he’s not real, it can do you good to keep your very own ‘Snappy’ in reserve…

If you’ve ever dealt with complaints before,
and not wished to hear just one word more,
what you need are some sharp teeth,
a trap door with a croc beneath!
Even if this croc isn’t real,
pretend it is and better you’ll feel,
reach for that lever in your mind,
and leave the complaints far behind!

He may squeal,
He may shout,
but you have let,
your ‘Snappy’ out!

Have a great day and don’t let those complaints get you down!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Working Mum

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Whenever Mrs Bard and I visit friends by the river, we also see a very busy housewife. She is out at work all day, in the evenings she spends her time either doing housework or raising her young. It is a relentless life, making her an un-sung hero…

Mrs Moorhen works all day,
at the River Bank,
her husband is not around,
she looks and draws a blank!
She hurries to pick up the kids,
from the local school,
they are all doing well,
apart from Frank who is a fool!
Then it’s home for supper,
food is on the table,
the kids all complain again,
apart from a quiet girl called Mabel.
Then at last they’re fast asleep,
she checks that they’re all fine,
creeps down to the kitchen,
and sinks a glass of wine!

Written in appreciation of all mothers! May you all have a great weekend (along with the odd glass of wine).

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The Multi-Tasking Failure!

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I spent last Saturday on a narrow boat moored beside a butter-cup-laden grass field at Hemmingford in Cambridgeshire. As well as being the day of a certain well-publicised royal wedding, it was also my wife and my 39thwedding anniversary. How she has put up with me for all those years I’ll never fully understand. However I was on my best behavior and things were going well until I took our two terriers for a long walk…

A farmer you know walked two terriers on leads,
from a distance you could hear his cussing and pleads!
You also notice he’s on the phone,
a multi-tasking man out on his own!
He meets a couple with a puppy in tow,
quite well behaved no lead don’t you know,
all of a sudden a terrier breaks free,
it’s collar’s empty on the lead now you see!
The two absconders run out of sight,
a shaggy black puppy and terrier with fight,
thankfully they run to the farmer’s wife on her boat,
when he finally arrives (I’m not going to quote!),
she note from his breathlessness not all’s gone to plan,
“You can’t multi task because you are a man!

Have a terrific Tuesday and if things go wrong, don’t admit you were on the phone!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Something Called Love!

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We have rescued another duck, this time a white female who was abandoned when her owners moved house and left her behind. After a few false starts when she assumed she was a rather small goose and tagged onto the others, she has now settled down and is attempting to attract the eye of another of our residents…

Miss Jemima Duddlepuck’s boyfriend,
is very very shy,
pretends he cant’t see her,
when she gives him the eye!
He hides his head,
when she says “look at me!”
He quietly responds,
“it’s no use I can’t see!”
He just doesn’t get it,
looks like he’ll get the shove,
it’s that weird condition,
something they call love!

Thank you TR for suggesting in your e-mail: ‘it’s just a man-thing!’ Of course I couldn’t possibly comment!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

 

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Five Orphan Ducklings!

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On Saturday afternoon Mrs Bard spotted five ducklings, clinging to a log, floating down the river. While four looked like they would possibly make the perilous journey, the fifth looked all-in. Luckily the log bumped into our moored boat and I was able to rescue them with a fisherman’s net. Despite much searching, there was no sign of a mother-duck and as it became apparent that they were well away from home territory, a rescue operation was put into place…

Five orphan ducklings,
clinging to a log,
floating down the river,
there’s barking from a dog.
Five orphan ducklings,
floating on a raft,
there’s a farmer with a net,
his friends will think he’s daft!
Five orphan ducklings,
are now in the car,
twenty-four miles later,
safe and warm they are!
Five little ducklings,
are well-fed and alive,
will be on a farmer’s pond,
they’ll be safe and hopefully will thrive!
I know that I’ve gone soft, but the older I get, the less I care! Many thanks to Val for being such a wonderful surrogate mummy and providing them with a snuggly sock-warmer nest!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The Breakfast Buffet!

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Many years ago in the far-off mists of time we used to rear turkeys for the Christmas market. Only one reminder of that time remains in the yard, a galvanized feeding trough which we now use to put out feed for our guard geese. However, as is the case with a free breakfast buffet, others make use of it too…

Saw a sight this morning,
made me splutter and cough,
two pheasants were standing,
in the geese’s trough!
Another was shouting,
“I think it’s very rude,
that you’re standing,
in someone else’s food!”
The cock pheasant said,
“I don’t think that I am,
and frankly my dear,
I don’t give a damn!”

Dedicated to anyone who may have been barged out of the way this morning at a hotel breakfast buffet! May the guilty suffer indigestion all morning!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14
thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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