The Amateur Plumber!

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Most farmers are, through necessity, ‘Jack of All Trades!’. They can turn their hands to most things in an emergency, mostly so long as it involves baler-twine or gaffer tape! I try my best, I never tough electrics, however have been known to tackle small plumbing jobs. Yesterday the taps ran dry in the house and so I replaced a ball-cock in the attic…

I’m a very amateur plumber,
I’m not a plumbers mate,
I can sometimes mend a water leak,
before it is too late.

But sometimes I leave it,
“I’ll sort that out sometime!”
and water drips through the ceiling,
and yes! The fault is mine!

This time all went smoothly,
praise caught me unawares,
then I went and spoilt it,
the ladder’s still upstairs!

May you shower be warm and your taps never drip!
Have a great Friday and weekend

© Baldock Bard 2018
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The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
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Trying Too Hard!

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Last night I sent up my drone to take the perfect sunset picture. Now I’m a simple ‘Point and Squirt’ photographer who relies on the maxim that if I take 100 photos, then one may possibly be OK…

I sent up my drone to capture the sunset.
I tried different altitudes,
I tried different filters,
I tried different camera settings,
I tried different headings,
then I gave up.

On my way to fetch a takeaway later,
I stopped at the end of the drive,
took out my iPhone,
and ‘click!’
took the picture above.

No editing,
no tricks,
no fancy gadgets.

…Sometimes in life we just try too hard!

Have a great day and may you have the luck you deserve!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD.

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The Spider Substitute!

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This morning I wrote a very good verse (or so I thought!). I had rushed downstairs before seven and quickly typed it out onto my laptop. Alas normal ‘morning procedure’ interrupted my progress and I forgot to press ‘save’. I returned to a blank screen and a dog full-stretch on the keyboard. Luckily I had met someone in the bathroom who saved the day…

A spider called Sharon was in the shower tray,
I went to remover her, she said “Hey!”
she shrugged her eight shoulders and said “Whatever!
You think you can remove me I say ‘Never!’”

She ran around the shower and hid behind the plug,
then made a great leap and landed on the rug,
ran up the wall and onto the light,
gave me eight fingers and disappeared from sight!
Later this morning there she was there once more,
she stuck out her tongue and raced across the floor,
into an empty toilet roll ready for the bin,
I said, “I’ve got you now, you’ll have to give in!”
I went to the window to throw the loo roll out,
she leapt onto my shoulders, this made me leap about!
My arms flailing like a windmill, a terrible sight to see,
“You can live anywhere you like but not on me!”

Have a great day. Try to avoid angering any female with more than four legs and always save your work before the dogs get onto the table!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Farmer’s Wheelbarrow!

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I have to admit I see gardening as a chore not a pleasure. This is rather disappointing as I have inherited rather a large area to tend along with numerous antique topiary hedges that seem to need constant attention. This results in large amounts of clippings to move. I have a secret weapon, my ‘Farmer’s Wheelbarrow’…

Do farmers make good gardeners?
I really can’t see how,
they’re used to mechanized everything,
even to milk a cow!
So when I’m in my garden,
my wheelbarrow is large and yellow,
from the path passers-by laugh,
“look at that farmer fellow!”

Have a great day and enjoy the beauty of the garden!
(Preferably with a drink in hand!)

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The Dangers of Peanut Butter!

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One of the downsides to living in the countryside in autumn is the annual migration of mice into the house from outside. Not only are they odorous and irritating in the larder, but they make a tremendous racket underneath the floorboards. While some may disagree with using mouse traps, it is instant, unlike poison which kills slowly sometimes taking hours to achieve its objective and then leaving behind a rotting smell for days. In the last week we have disposed of over twenty, sometimes two or more to a trap, knowing my luck I’ll return in the next life as a mouse…

Three Dancing Mice
don’t they have fun
they dance behind the skirting boards
sounding like the ravaging hoards
swinging wildly to the musical chords
Three dancing mice

Three dancing mice
they no longer swing
tempted by some peanut butter
“A wonderful smell!” one did utter
a snap and then a disbelief stutter
Three dead mice

Stay safe out there and avoid peanut butter at all costs!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Monday Morning Motivation!

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When walking up to the workshop to fetch a power tool I noticed the yard had weeds growing out of every crack in the concrete. This never happened when the farmyard was busy, so it’s out with the knapsack sprayer as there’s no better time than right now (and conditions were perfect: sunshine and dry with no wind)

An under-used farmyard grows only weeds,
hustle and bustle is what it needs.
Tractors rushing to and fro,
collecting machines and off they go!
Lorries arriving for a loads of grain,
intense activity ‘till they’re gone again.
There’s now no fertiliser nor bags of seed,
any rushing around there’s no need.
So when the farmer’s no longer a player
it’s out to the farmyard with his knapsack sprayer

Have a great Monday! I wish you flowers not weeds in your day today!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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One of These…!

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One of these is not like the rest. We have a small white duck on the farm who suffers from ‘Species Confusion’. Wherever the geese go, there is a small Jemima Duddlepuck following on behind. When the geese honk, there is a quack to be heard in there as well. She is one confused little duck, perhaps she needs counseling…

We have a duck,
who think’s she’s a goose,
she suffers species confusion,
may even think she’s called Bruce!

When she tries to be friendly,
they squawk and they hiss,
but she never gives up,
she’s one determined little Miss!

Enjoy your Thursday and remember there’s no shame in being different – We all are!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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It’s a dogs life!

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I was looking through some recent photos and came across one that made me think. It came as a shock to suddenly realise that the dogs in this household don’t worry about anything. They have no worries about money, accommodation, jobs or clothes and have the ability to make their humans worry about them, even apologising to them if their dinner is late.I so want to be a dog…

She sits contented on the settee,
no real problems at all has she.
She sleeps with contentment every night,
only worries about what’s in her sight.
She often wonders ‘when’s my meal?’
no other troubles imagined or real.
As for housework she doesn’t care,
the sofa’s covered in her hair!
She’s so superior she doesn’t talk
sits by the door when she wants a walk!
If I had a choice a dog I’d be
…but only if my owner was me!

Have a great day and may all your worries evaporate!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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Droning On!

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Yesterday two young ladies visited the farm from a famous farming publication to find out how and why I fly a drone. They were very patient with an old man and listened as I attempted to explain. Then we went out to a field where they ‘took to the skies’ and the drone behaved itself impeccably. I had forgotten how terrifying it is to be interviewed and may have ‘droned on’…

Two young ladies,
came to my home,
so they could discover,
how to fly a farming drone.
They were polite,
and didn’t ignore,
the bluster of a pensioner,
a proper droning bore!
We then adjourned,
out onto the farm,
where they tried flying,
with no sense of alarm.
Later as I sat,
in my father’s hospital room,
I decided there were worse ways,
to spend a sunny afternoon!

With thanks to Lucinda and Hannah for their remarkable patience!
I hope everyone has a great weekend – be kind to a pensioner, even when they drone on!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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My Disruptive Drone Demon!

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Today I’m entertaining a journalist who wants to know about drone-use in agriculture and I’m running scared! Technology has the capability of letting you down at the most inopportune moments and despite immaculate preparations and training, it’s always best to expect the unexpected. I am convinced that there is a little demon who lives inside my drone, I call him ‘Landin’…

‘Landin’ lives inside my drone,
in a wire-like structure he calls his home.
At random moments he can deliver,
unexpected problems that make me shiver!
Some months ago I can’t think why,
he took control made it “no fly!”
As trees appeared in its flight path,
I could hear his screeching demonic laugh.
You’ve got all ready for a flight,
‘Firmware Upgrade Needed’ it’s just not right.
If someone’s watching (not a show),
a helicopter appears flying low.
So my fingers are crossed for today,
I just hope the little demon’s away!

What my little demon hasn’t yet appreciated is that I had good training thanks to Sion and the good guys at RUSTA (https://www.rustauas.com) and so whenever anything goes wrong I’m prepared, even if it results in a CVCS (Controlled Vertical Crash Solution!).

Have a great day and I hope your little demon stays away from whatever you’re doing today!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

 

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