The First Blackberry of Autumn!

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Yesterday I was strimming some unruly brambles when I came across an early blackberry. Being one never to miss an opportunity to savour a moment, I took the photo above and then popped the fruit into my mouth. When any sweet fruit is verboten because of my diabetes, such a moment was evermore sweeter…

Yesterday I ate a blackberry,
the first of the season,
I picked it because it was ripe,
that was the only reason.
Once I had picked it,
seemed such a shame to waste,
I popped it In my mouth,
was rewarded by the taste.
T’was like the finest Merlot,
a vintage I am sure,
the only problem being,
it left me wanting more!
…and so I ate the other three!

Have a great day and enjoy the fruits of the fields!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
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Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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In Case of Emergency!

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What do you carry in your car in case of emergency? The other day I made an attempt to clear out the back of my trusty Mitsubishi Shogun Sport farm car. It was way overdue and I found myself troubling over what constituted important and was was superficial…

There’s a landing pad in the back of my car,
just in case my drone goes too far.
A wire hand winch to lift where I can’t,
a spade for planting a colourful plant.
Assorted tools for mending when stuff broke,
a spare high-vis from a car boot bloke.
There’s also a box of fencing nails,
a spare light-board in case one fails.
But most important a heap of loo rolls,
in case I’m frightened by zombies or trolls!
If none of them were in my car,
I’d need each one before I went far!

Have a good week and if you need any of the above you know where to call

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Heavy August Rain!

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Yesterday it rained! I’m not talking about a girlie titter after half a glass of sweet sherry but a full-on drunken oaf who can hardly stand on the way home after a night of non-stop ale drinking. This was something that we hadn’t seen for months and months. However I did manage to stop myself running naked through the stair-rods in celebration, instead I stayed indoors and ploughed through paperwork…

It’s raining elephants and hippos.
falling from the sky,
the brown scorched grass welcomes it,
as it’s parched and brown and dry.
The threat of wild fires lessens,
pressure on unharvested crops mounts,
and all I can do to celebrate,
is stay inside and do accounts!
Enjoy your day, looking good for the weekend!
Stay 
happy and safe.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 27th October 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Sending in ‘The Heavies’!

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Very occasionally we have a tenant in our light industrial workshops who expects continued occupation whilst withholding rent. If there is no communication or attempt to pay I have to take action. This happened for the first time in many years recently and so I was forced to send in ‘The Heavies’ otherwise known as Sumo…

“I can’t seem to enter my unit,
there’s something in the way,
I don’t seem to be able to shift it,
It weighs much more than hay!”

“There is a simple answer,
it involves a pound or two,
then my JCB will shift it,
hand the unit back to you.
‘Oh dear!’ you’ve mislaid your cheque book,
you’re waiting for others to pay,
your customers car is inside,
he can wait another day!”

“What? You’ve found some money?”
I say with thinly veiled shock!
“Your customer’s on his way,
I’ll remove the concrete block!”

Have a good day and may those who owe you money race to pay their dues!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Space Saver!

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There is a Welsh legend that in the early days of motoring a Welshman had the idea of carrying a spare wheel in case of punctures. From then on he was known by the name ‘Stepney Spare-Wheel’. Fast-forward to yesterday and his antecedent ‘Sven Space-Saver’ was the target of my angst when I discovered a flat tyre…

Bloody Sven and his poxy space-saver wheel,
bet he never changed one for real,
everything hidden under piles of shopping,
designed to make the moment heart-stopping.
Once you’ve found yourself a jack,
(about as much use as a bent toast-rack),
then you remember the locking stud,
thank heaven’s it’s dry without any mud.
Finally you replace the wheel with the spare,
50 miles an hour to drive anywhere,
you stand back to admire your skill,
“What shall I do with the punctured wheel?”
It won’t fit in the spare-wheel well,
the dirt will make the shopping smell.
So thanks a lot Sven for the space you save,
you’ll make Stepney Spare-Wheel spin in his grave!

Have a god day and I do hope you avoid a puncture.
Thanks to Baldock Tyres for promptly repairing the puncture so I could hide the space-saver until the next time!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Harvest Fire

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This picture illustrates every farmer’s nightmare this year, a harvest fire.
Yesterday we noticed a column of smoke rising from our neighbours farm. I got the cultivator out of the nettles and headed off to help.
When I arrived at the scene I was greeted by the sight of ten fire engines and crews, farmers who had abandoned their harvest and brought along tractors and cultivators and even local gamekeepers towing water bowsers behind their quad bikes. Others had just turned up to weald fire-beaters or help where they could.
In a previous life I studied disaster management, I learned that all situations require a modicum of luck: Yesterday the wind was only at 1-2mph, considering how recently the wind has blown, this could be called miraculous.

But what I shall always remember is how seeing the emergency crews in action reminded me just how we rely on the men and women of our Fire Service in times of need. They are always there for us. It was also refreshing to be reminded that even out in the sparsely populated countryside, the local community pulls together in times of need.

All those who helped deserve a Gold Star!

Stay safe out there, today and always.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The One-Cat Protest!

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Whenever my daughter and her family pack their motorhome for a few days break, their cat, Min, stages a one-cat-protest. It’s as if she’s been listening in to their conversations and is determined to disrupt their get away or even stowaway…

“They are going to climb into that tin house with wheels,
and leave me behind they don’t know how it feels,
I have used many novel ways in the past,
this one might be effective at last!
I shall sit upon the step by the door,
trip them up so they drop their clothes on the floor,
then when they think I’m back in the house,
I’m in the camper van as quiet as a mouse.”

“…But then I purr, I might as well wail
and I’m out on my ear – yet another fail!”

Have a great weekend and if you’re travelling check for feline stowaways!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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Farmer With Altitude!

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My neighbour John harvesting next to the A505 at Baldock

I’m going to hit the next person who asks if I’m enjoying retirement. That is unless they are taller than me, are wearing glasses, are female, were born with an ‘r’, ‘a’ or ‘u’ in the month, have over size 4 shoes, work on a farm or play rugby (other terms and conditions may apply at any time!) I admit I am difficult to live with at the moment as not doing harvest for the first time for 44 years is frustrating. However I now spend my time chasing combines with my drone instead…

Local farmers now complain,
Not about dust or even rain!
They all say “you’re retired now,
No more combine no more plough!
I suppose you want to fly your drone,
And watch us getting our harvest home?”
I say , “I really don’t mind if I do!”
Although if truth be told that’s not true.
But I’m a ‘Farmer With Altitude’ now,
With no harvest, no cultivation’s, not even a cow!
If you’re enjoying retirement I’m very pleased for you, just keep those furry slippers away from me!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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It’s All In The Photo!

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The other day I was asked by a local farmer to survey one of his fields with my trusty drone. I was hoping to find any evidence of land drains that might show up in this drought. I overflew the field for over 40 minutes and began to feel a failure when I could see no evidence on the monitor. Back in my office I started to stare at the high-definition pictures praying for some sort of success in order to save face! I then remembered a story that an elderly friend told me back in the mid-eighties about his war-time experience with an aerial photograph…

In 1944, just before ‘D Day’, Andrew, a young inexperienced officer in the Engineers, was asked to deliver a package to the Photo Reconnaissance department. He was shown into a room and told to wait. On a large table there was a massive black and white aerial photo of a main-line railway track leading to a large junction. As a teenager, Andrew had spent his summer holidays in the West Country, as a bored only child he had been befriended by the local stationmaster who had taught him about railways, not just in the UK, but also on the continent. Out of interest he began to look at the photo. Suddenly he noticed something odd, various bridges had been removed and one of the tracks had recently been moved to allow a greater distance between the up line and the down line. What he’d noticed was the alteration of the rail network in northern France in order to accommodate Rommel’s Tiger tanks on their way to where the Germans thought the Allies would invade – the Pas Du Calais. This also proved that the propaganda had been successful and accepted by the Germans as fact. He was immediately posted to intelligence, where he spent the rest of the war, in his words: “Looking at photographs!”

Andrew taught me that in photographs the evidence is always there to see, you just have to see it! I remembered Andrew as I sat starring at pictures from 400ft of a field and very slowly lines began to emerge and they weren’t tractor wheel marks!
Thank You Andrew.
Normal service will be resumed tomorrow!
© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Very Special Delivery!

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Saturday was a truly golden day for our JCB Fastrac tractor, she was delivering a very precious cargo to a venue between Hitchin and Letchworth. Paul, (the father of bride Emma) looked after our pigs until the mid-eighties and he, Jen his wife, Andrew, Mandy, Mark and Emma lived in a cottage down the road. Emma is an A&E nurse and was an absolutely gem when my mother died. Like so many in our wonderful NHS, she was so caring and made all the difference at a very difficult time. Wild horses wouldn’t have denied me the honour of driving her to her wedding…

Emma got married Saturday morning,
Oh Wow! The sun is gonna shine!
A deciding factor,
She’s going on the tractor!
Gotta get her to the venue on time!
…with many apologies to lyricist Alan Jay Lerner who wrote ‘I’m getting married in the morning’ from the show My Fair Lady.
…and many thanks to Emma and hubby Paul for letting me be a small part of their big day. Remembering with fondness Emma’s sister Mandy, who I’m sure was looking down on her family with pride and love.

Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

 

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