Decision Made…!

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There is a photo-sharing website that has a category entitled ‘A decision was made here!’ of items returned by shoppers to the wrong shelf. Yesterday in a supermarket I witnessed this having just witnessed a hissed argument between a husband and wife. I added two and two together…

HE SAID:
“What’s that in the trolley?
Who do you think you are?
Even with weight loss,
you’re no Kate Moss,
you’ll never fill that bra!”

SHE SAID
“Why thank you darling husband,
for those comforting words I hear,
your expansive gut,
you like to strut,
can’t possibly be down to beer!”

On the end of an aisle a discarded bra,
that she’ll never fill,
the argument,
means money spent,
enough crisps to make her ill!

Have a great day and steer clear of any unpleasantness if you can! Let’s all be kind out there!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
RETURNS AFTER 27 YEARS!
First Saturday after Easter 2019

Buyers will still Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The Breakfast Crew!

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Saturday saw our final Baldock car boot sale of the 2018 season. While many customers moaned about finding something to do next Saturday, others remarked on the cold early-morning temperature at this time of year. This didn’t seem to worry our catering team who were busy over a hot plate and urn making breakfasts…

Grant Linda and Gemma,
worked hard in the catering van,
it’s great to see Grant is still with us,
he was so poorly for such a big man!

I wonder what they’ll do next Saturday?
Will they enjoy a lie-in in bed?
or will they not be able to sleep,
still on ‘boot-sale-time’ instead!

When they go to put on the bacon,
will they try to fry the whole pack?
and suddenly realize there’s no reason,
as the clocks have only just gone back!

Come the Saturday after Easter,
once again they’ll be back at the sale,
and everyone will be happy,
with ‘out of season tales’ to regale!

With many thanks to Grant, Linda and Gemma. Wishing all customers and staff at the boot sale a very Happy Christmas!
https://www.thechefshotplate.co.uk

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
RETURNS AFTER 27 YEARS!
First Saturday after Easter 2019

Buyers will still Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The World’s Largest Donut!

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The other night I dreamt that I was eating the world’s largest donut! Being diabetic and no longer allowed such fare, it was a wonderful illicit dream and took me back in time to two years ago before I was diagnosed when it would have been no impossible dream…

The world’s largest donut,
was in front of me!
Had to lift it up,
with my JCB.
Opened wide,
and took a bite,
to eat it all,
would have taken all night!

When I woke in the morning,
no sugar-coated mouth,
no lump in my stomach,
heading south,
I could have sworn if allowed,
I’d have eaten it all,
the wonderful dreams,
of a diabetic fool!

Have a fantastic Friday and if you can, treat yourself!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
LAST SALE TOMORROW!
THIS SATURDAY
20th
thOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Like a Bird (in the Sky)!

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Many years ago, back in the early seventies, there was a TV advert for a lighter bread called Nimble. The advert had a nubile young maiden (probably now in her mid-seventies!) floating in a hot-air balloon to a backing track by pop group Honeybus ‘She flies like a bird in the sky…’ I was reminded of this yesterday morning when the farm was overflown by a balloon sponsored by a very different company…

She flies like a virgin in the sky,
I’d like to fly with her I don’t know why!
Her large voluminous skirt,
Would well match my shirt,
as we go gently floating by!
Up there in the sky – clear blue,
I’d wave back down to you!
She’d offer no resistance,
(she never goes full distance),
as we’d go gently floating by!

Have a great Friday and weekend. Stay healthy, wise and safe!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Dangers of Peanut Butter!

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One of the downsides to living in the countryside in autumn is the annual migration of mice into the house from outside. Not only are they odorous and irritating in the larder, but they make a tremendous racket underneath the floorboards. While some may disagree with using mouse traps, it is instant, unlike poison which kills slowly sometimes taking hours to achieve its objective and then leaving behind a rotting smell for days. In the last week we have disposed of over twenty, sometimes two or more to a trap, knowing my luck I’ll return in the next life as a mouse…

Three Dancing Mice
don’t they have fun
they dance behind the skirting boards
sounding like the ravaging hoards
swinging wildly to the musical chords
Three dancing mice

Three dancing mice
they no longer swing
tempted by some peanut butter
“A wonderful smell!” one did utter
a snap and then a disbelief stutter
Three dead mice

Stay safe out there and avoid peanut butter at all costs!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Harbour Date!

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Recently I was wandering along a harbour when I spotted two pigeons sitting in a rowing boat. Nothing odd in that you might think, ‘Pigeons in a boat? See it every day!’ For some time it has sat on my desktop and I was getting bored of looking at it! So there was just one way to get rid of it and that was use it this morning. Sorry…

Peter and Pauline
went on a date,
Pauline was early,
Peter was late!

“Good of you to get here!”
Pauline announced,
then turned on her heels,
and off she trounced!

“I’ve arranged something special,
there’s no need to gloat,
come and join me,
we’re going on a boat!”

“Well, this is romantic!”
Pauline perched on the seat,
it’s no ocean liner,
and there’s nowhere to eat!”

Just then a sandwich,
thrown from the pier,
“Just what do you call this?”
“BLT my dear!”

If you’re on a date today, avoid a rowing boat and sandwiches!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The First Blackberry of Autumn!

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Yesterday I was strimming some unruly brambles when I came across an early blackberry. Being one never to miss an opportunity to savour a moment, I took the photo above and then popped the fruit into my mouth. When any sweet fruit is verboten because of my diabetes, such a moment was evermore sweeter…

Yesterday I ate a blackberry,
the first of the season,
I picked it because it was ripe,
that was the only reason.
Once I had picked it,
seemed such a shame to waste,
I popped it In my mouth,
was rewarded by the taste.
T’was like the finest Merlot,
a vintage I am sure,
the only problem being,
it left me wanting more!
…and so I ate the other three!

Have a great day and enjoy the fruits of the fields!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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The Undercover Cyclist!

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Have you ever taken a photo that when looked at later seems to convey a different story to the one envisaged at the time? The above photo shows a pleasant group of retired folk playing pétanque on a village green, all is well in their world until you notice the cyclist…

The SAS (cycle division) were undercover,
on a training exercise,
merging in with some old folk,
who showed no sign of surprise.
He radioed in to headquarters:
‘All’s fine I haven’t been seen!
I’m about to eat my rations,
sitting on the village green!’
Suddenly there was a commotion,
a player dropped a ball on his toe,
he yelled out the emergency word,
you should have seen the cyclist go!

With apologies for the quality of todays verse, must remember to take stronger tablets and drink more water! Have a great day and don’t drop anything heavy on your toes!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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A Robot in the Field?

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This week I went to a conference/demonstration about soil and alternative methods of farming called Groundswell. I was wandering around looking at the trade stands when I had a ‘Wow, Look At That!’ moment. I was given a glimpse into the future…

I met a lady who has robots,
Tom, Dick and Harry by name,
and if what she told me is half correct,
it’ll change the future farming game.

Tom monitors the soil and the crops,
While feeding and weeding Dick roams,
it’s Harry who plants and drill the seeds,
while Wilma’s control them from homes!

Behind every good farmer is a farmer’s wife
Behind every good robot is a Wilma!

I also heard a great relevant story.
Many years ago a farmer had the first tractor arrive on his farm. The horse-keepers were not happy as this ‘dirty, smelly, and noisy thing’ started ploughing far quicker than their horses could. They grumbled amongst themselves. However the tractor got stuck in a notoriously wet part of the field and had to be pulled out by horses. Once rescued, one of the horse-keepers said to the others, “I told you so. Them tractor-things will never catch on!”

The Small Robot Company can be found at https://www.smallrobotcompany.com
Groundswell is a great annual event https://groundswellag.comHave a great day and stay safe.
You’d also better get used to AI and Algorithm, they are becoming a large part of our future.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

 

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School Visit 2 (of 3)

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Yesterday was Wednesday and that meant Brunswick Park (1) in our week of school visits to the farm. We did mostly what we’d done with the previous day’s group, although it was markedly different as no two groups are ever the same. We even had a trek through long grass, despite allergy’s and Hay Fever…

Trekking through long grass,
on the way back to the farm,
“I’ve nettle stings on my legs,”
“A horsefly bit my arm!”
“I am so tired,
I’m sure something went crunch!”
Please tell me Mr Farmer,
when is it time for lunch?”

“Just a couple more miles,”
I strove to reassure,
thirty pleading bodies,
No please, we want no more!
I’m sure that when they’re home,
they’ll sleep like logs tonight,
they won’t be the only ones,
I’ll be out like a light!

Many thanks to Year 3 from Brunswick School, London, for coming to visit us, we’ll see your other classmates later today for more of the same!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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