Decision Made…!

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There is a photo-sharing website that has a category entitled ‘A decision was made here!’ of items returned by shoppers to the wrong shelf. Yesterday in a supermarket I witnessed this having just witnessed a hissed argument between a husband and wife. I added two and two together…

HE SAID:
“What’s that in the trolley?
Who do you think you are?
Even with weight loss,
you’re no Kate Moss,
you’ll never fill that bra!”

SHE SAID
“Why thank you darling husband,
for those comforting words I hear,
your expansive gut,
you like to strut,
can’t possibly be down to beer!”

On the end of an aisle a discarded bra,
that she’ll never fill,
the argument,
means money spent,
enough crisps to make her ill!

Have a great day and steer clear of any unpleasantness if you can! Let’s all be kind out there!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
RETURNS AFTER 27 YEARS!
First Saturday after Easter 2019

Buyers will still Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The Magical Lend!

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On Friday afternoon I hurried home from visiting my father in hospital and rushed up to the big barn. I admit I was like a little kid! There in the barn was a wonderful sight: a big green combine harvester! This harvest has been difficult following the loss of the arable acres, but to see this sight in the barn made me feel a bit like a proper farmer again! Ok, I’m only storing it for a neighbour until his wheat has gone, but it’s a grand feeling…

There in the barn,
I can’t believe my eyes,
a large green Claas Combine,
it’s like winning first prize!
I know it’s only for a while,
going back I don’t know when,
but I can imagine for a week or two,
that I’m a proper farmer again!

Big things please little minds!
Thanks to neighbour John for the temporary loan!
Have a great weekend everybody.
If I’m missing you know where I’ll be!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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Cherry and Ian

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Without people, this would just be another rock in space.

There are some people who’s mere presence can make your day and make you smile.

Cherry and Ian seem to have always have been visitors to our Saturday car boot sales, whenever I met them there was a cheery “Hello Simon!” and a quick story, more often than not concerning their latest exploits in their world of vintage cars. Cherry had recently taken over as an office-holder in their vintage motor club and they never seemed to miss either a meeting, rally or event.

On Saturday 11th of August, they came to the car boot sale earlier than usual as they were off to a rally. Sadly, on the way to that rally, somewhere near Oxford, they were involved in a collision and tragically, Cherry lost her life.
When my son was killed in similar circumstances, the first time that I saw them afterwards, Ian mumbled and Cherry simply held my hand in a gesture full of the utmost kindness and concern. She always thought of others first.

Ian is now back at a local hospital and is making a recovery, how he’ll cope without his true soul-mate I can’t even consider. They were such a well-matched pair that it is inconceivable to think of one without the other.

I consider myself truly privileged to have known them.

They will be sorely missed on a Saturday morning.

Simon (aka Baldock Bard)

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Heavy August Rain!

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Yesterday it rained! I’m not talking about a girlie titter after half a glass of sweet sherry but a full-on drunken oaf who can hardly stand on the way home after a night of non-stop ale drinking. This was something that we hadn’t seen for months and months. However I did manage to stop myself running naked through the stair-rods in celebration, instead I stayed indoors and ploughed through paperwork…

It’s raining elephants and hippos.
falling from the sky,
the brown scorched grass welcomes it,
as it’s parched and brown and dry.
The threat of wild fires lessens,
pressure on unharvested crops mounts,
and all I can do to celebrate,
is stay inside and do accounts!
Enjoy your day, looking good for the weekend!
Stay 
happy and safe.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 27th October 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Harvest Fire

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This picture illustrates every farmer’s nightmare this year, a harvest fire.
Yesterday we noticed a column of smoke rising from our neighbours farm. I got the cultivator out of the nettles and headed off to help.
When I arrived at the scene I was greeted by the sight of ten fire engines and crews, farmers who had abandoned their harvest and brought along tractors and cultivators and even local gamekeepers towing water bowsers behind their quad bikes. Others had just turned up to weald fire-beaters or help where they could.
In a previous life I studied disaster management, I learned that all situations require a modicum of luck: Yesterday the wind was only at 1-2mph, considering how recently the wind has blown, this could be called miraculous.

But what I shall always remember is how seeing the emergency crews in action reminded me just how we rely on the men and women of our Fire Service in times of need. They are always there for us. It was also refreshing to be reminded that even out in the sparsely populated countryside, the local community pulls together in times of need.

All those who helped deserve a Gold Star!

Stay safe out there, today and always.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Autumn in July!

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I must have been walking around with blinkers on for the last few weeks as suddenly the pavements and sides of the roads seem to be covered in leaves. Autumn has come early and with it a problem for both councils and motorists…

It’s autumn in July,
it made me wonder why,
so many leaves were lying on the ground?
It’s as if the trees,
had performed a striptease,
because the relentless heat had finally ground them down.

Both the sides of the road,
leaves gathered like it snowed,
even yellow-lines are partially obscured.
Will you get a parking fine,
by stopping on the hidden line,
a leafy prosecution might well be secured!

Stay safe out there and take care where you park!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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It’s All In The Photo!

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The other day I was asked by a local farmer to survey one of his fields with my trusty drone. I was hoping to find any evidence of land drains that might show up in this drought. I overflew the field for over 40 minutes and began to feel a failure when I could see no evidence on the monitor. Back in my office I started to stare at the high-definition pictures praying for some sort of success in order to save face! I then remembered a story that an elderly friend told me back in the mid-eighties about his war-time experience with an aerial photograph…

In 1944, just before ‘D Day’, Andrew, a young inexperienced officer in the Engineers, was asked to deliver a package to the Photo Reconnaissance department. He was shown into a room and told to wait. On a large table there was a massive black and white aerial photo of a main-line railway track leading to a large junction. As a teenager, Andrew had spent his summer holidays in the West Country, as a bored only child he had been befriended by the local stationmaster who had taught him about railways, not just in the UK, but also on the continent. Out of interest he began to look at the photo. Suddenly he noticed something odd, various bridges had been removed and one of the tracks had recently been moved to allow a greater distance between the up line and the down line. What he’d noticed was the alteration of the rail network in northern France in order to accommodate Rommel’s Tiger tanks on their way to where the Germans thought the Allies would invade – the Pas Du Calais. This also proved that the propaganda had been successful and accepted by the Germans as fact. He was immediately posted to intelligence, where he spent the rest of the war, in his words: “Looking at photographs!”

Andrew taught me that in photographs the evidence is always there to see, you just have to see it! I remembered Andrew as I sat starring at pictures from 400ft of a field and very slowly lines began to emerge and they weren’t tractor wheel marks!
Thank You Andrew.
Normal service will be resumed tomorrow!
© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Very Special Delivery!

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Saturday was a truly golden day for our JCB Fastrac tractor, she was delivering a very precious cargo to a venue between Hitchin and Letchworth. Paul, (the father of bride Emma) looked after our pigs until the mid-eighties and he, Jen his wife, Andrew, Mandy, Mark and Emma lived in a cottage down the road. Emma is an A&E nurse and was an absolutely gem when my mother died. Like so many in our wonderful NHS, she was so caring and made all the difference at a very difficult time. Wild horses wouldn’t have denied me the honour of driving her to her wedding…

Emma got married Saturday morning,
Oh Wow! The sun is gonna shine!
A deciding factor,
She’s going on the tractor!
Gotta get her to the venue on time!
…with many apologies to lyricist Alan Jay Lerner who wrote ‘I’m getting married in the morning’ from the show My Fair Lady.
…and many thanks to Emma and hubby Paul for letting me be a small part of their big day. Remembering with fondness Emma’s sister Mandy, who I’m sure was looking down on her family with pride and love.

Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

 

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History re-visited!

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I was photographing a historical site the other day that can be traced back 1000 years with my trusty drone (with 20thC drought-scorch and wheelmarks!). It’s amazing what detail a dry year can show. Some of the adjacent ponds (not shown in the picture) date back to Bishop Odo of Bayeux (William the Conqueror’s half-brother.) He is the only person to be in the Bayeux Tapestry twice, once sitting on Williams right hand and once exhorting the troops he supplied to fight harder….

The Bayeux Tapestry is coming back,
to Britain in a couple of years,
Old Bishop Odo will have his day,
again (or so it appears!).
I wonder what he’d have thought of my drone,
as it flew above his old land,
and whether his soldiers would have shouted ‘Alien’
or just hidden themselves in sand!
What would they have thought of planes in the sky?
of take-aways, burgers and that?
I bet they’d have troubles with their weight,
unable to fight – just too fat!
If they couldn’t fight William might have lost,
with Harold no arrow in his eye,
the French would have retreated back towards France,
all because of chips and steak pie!

With apologies to al historians for my take on accepted history!
Please blame the Guinness – I will!
Have a great weekend, stay safe and take care.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The Hand Car (tractor) Wash!

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When is a car wash not a car wash? When I decide to pay it a visit! Not only do the NFU Mutual Insurance Company never know what I’m going to come up with next, but these guys are now getting used to me arriving with different shapes of yellow JCB to their car wash. You may be wondering why I’m being so lazy? Sorry, I can’t tell you as the news is subject to an embargo until Monday morning, so you’ll just have to wait and see…

“Can I bring a tractor,
for a bit of a clean,
it’s important that it’s spotless,
fit to be seen.
I’m only driving half an hour,
with a V.I.P,
please make sure it’s perfect,
for bystanders to wave and see!”

…photos available on Monday (hopefully if I succeed in a prompt delivery).
For the best hand car wash in the Letchworth area, get down to the junction of Jubilee and Works Roads in Letchworth and thanks to the NFU Mutual for their patience and help!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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