The Space Saver!

Share

There is a Welsh legend that in the early days of motoring a Welshman had the idea of carrying a spare wheel in case of punctures. From then on he was known by the name ‘Stepney Spare-Wheel’. Fast-forward to yesterday and his antecedent ‘Sven Space-Saver’ was the target of my angst when I discovered a flat tyre…

Bloody Sven and his poxy space-saver wheel,
bet he never changed one for real,
everything hidden under piles of shopping,
designed to make the moment heart-stopping.
Once you’ve found yourself a jack,
(about as much use as a bent toast-rack),
then you remember the locking stud,
thank heaven’s it’s dry without any mud.
Finally you replace the wheel with the spare,
50 miles an hour to drive anywhere,
you stand back to admire your skill,
“What shall I do with the punctured wheel?”
It won’t fit in the spare-wheel well,
the dirt will make the shopping smell.
So thanks a lot Sven for the space you save,
you’ll make Stepney Spare-Wheel spin in his grave!

Have a god day and I do hope you avoid a puncture.
Thanks to Baldock Tyres for promptly repairing the puncture so I could hide the space-saver until the next time!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

Share on Facebook
Share

Farmer With Altitude!

Share

My neighbour John harvesting next to the A505 at Baldock

I’m going to hit the next person who asks if I’m enjoying retirement. That is unless they are taller than me, are wearing glasses, are female, were born with an ‘r’, ‘a’ or ‘u’ in the month, have over size 4 shoes, work on a farm or play rugby (other terms and conditions may apply at any time!) I admit I am difficult to live with at the moment as not doing harvest for the first time for 44 years is frustrating. However I now spend my time chasing combines with my drone instead…

Local farmers now complain,
Not about dust or even rain!
They all say “you’re retired now,
No more combine no more plough!
I suppose you want to fly your drone,
And watch us getting our harvest home?”
I say , “I really don’t mind if I do!”
Although if truth be told that’s not true.
But I’m a ‘Farmer With Altitude’ now,
With no harvest, no cultivation’s, not even a cow!
If you’re enjoying retirement I’m very pleased for you, just keep those furry slippers away from me!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

Share on Facebook
Share

It’s All In The Photo!

Share

The other day I was asked by a local farmer to survey one of his fields with my trusty drone. I was hoping to find any evidence of land drains that might show up in this drought. I overflew the field for over 40 minutes and began to feel a failure when I could see no evidence on the monitor. Back in my office I started to stare at the high-definition pictures praying for some sort of success in order to save face! I then remembered a story that an elderly friend told me back in the mid-eighties about his war-time experience with an aerial photograph…

In 1944, just before ‘D Day’, Andrew, a young inexperienced officer in the Engineers, was asked to deliver a package to the Photo Reconnaissance department. He was shown into a room and told to wait. On a large table there was a massive black and white aerial photo of a main-line railway track leading to a large junction. As a teenager, Andrew had spent his summer holidays in the West Country, as a bored only child he had been befriended by the local stationmaster who had taught him about railways, not just in the UK, but also on the continent. Out of interest he began to look at the photo. Suddenly he noticed something odd, various bridges had been removed and one of the tracks had recently been moved to allow a greater distance between the up line and the down line. What he’d noticed was the alteration of the rail network in northern France in order to accommodate Rommel’s Tiger tanks on their way to where the Germans thought the Allies would invade – the Pas Du Calais. This also proved that the propaganda had been successful and accepted by the Germans as fact. He was immediately posted to intelligence, where he spent the rest of the war, in his words: “Looking at photographs!”

Andrew taught me that in photographs the evidence is always there to see, you just have to see it! I remembered Andrew as I sat starring at pictures from 400ft of a field and very slowly lines began to emerge and they weren’t tractor wheel marks!
Thank You Andrew.
Normal service will be resumed tomorrow!
© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

Share on Facebook
Share

History re-visited!

Share

I was photographing a historical site the other day that can be traced back 1000 years with my trusty drone (with 20thC drought-scorch and wheelmarks!). It’s amazing what detail a dry year can show. Some of the adjacent ponds (not shown in the picture) date back to Bishop Odo of Bayeux (William the Conqueror’s half-brother.) He is the only person to be in the Bayeux Tapestry twice, once sitting on Williams right hand and once exhorting the troops he supplied to fight harder….

The Bayeux Tapestry is coming back,
to Britain in a couple of years,
Old Bishop Odo will have his day,
again (or so it appears!).
I wonder what he’d have thought of my drone,
as it flew above his old land,
and whether his soldiers would have shouted ‘Alien’
or just hidden themselves in sand!
What would they have thought of planes in the sky?
of take-aways, burgers and that?
I bet they’d have troubles with their weight,
unable to fight – just too fat!
If they couldn’t fight William might have lost,
with Harold no arrow in his eye,
the French would have retreated back towards France,
all because of chips and steak pie!

With apologies to al historians for my take on accepted history!
Please blame the Guinness – I will!
Have a great weekend, stay safe and take care.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

Share on Facebook
Share

The Epitaph

Share

The other day on a short break I looked around a very old church. Whilst I admired the architecture and suchlike it was a simple grave in the churchyard that caught my eye and made me think…

There are few words on a gravestone,
normaly just name and dates,
very little about the person,
when he stood at the Pearly Gates.
The memorial to Freddie Clark is different,
refreshingly honest and true,
simple words for eternity,
what will your stone reveal about you?

Let’s be kind and caring out there today

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

 

 

Share on Facebook
Share

Memories of a Moke!

Share

Yesterday I followed what might be described as a ‘Sixties Classic’ down to the town. I suddenly realised that I had forgotten they existed, and had a flash-back of a press photo from way back then. Despite an extensive search thanks to Mr Google, I can’t find the photo so it may just have been an illusion…

In the petrol station I met this bloke,
who was driving an original Mini Moke!
I remember a photo (of which I was fond),
astride a Moke – a ‘Hot-Panted’ blonde!
I was nine in sixty-four
Don’t remember much (soon be sixty-four!)
Of my faulty memory fun you may poke,
but I fancied the blonde more than the Moke!

Have a fun day and see if you too can have an illuminating flash-back today!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

Share on Facebook
Share

The Dens in the Wood!

Share

Every school group is different, every school visit is different, no two visits have ever been the same even when the visitors are from the same year group and the same school, like yesterday. The visit was going to plan, we were walking through the wood when suddenly a visitor suggested an activity I’d never considered…

“Please can we build a den?”
without a thought I said ‘Yes!’
And as a new part of the visit,
It was an immediate success.
It brought out leadership,
and co-operation,
both much-needed skills,
for a future nation!
Some were on transport,
fetching the wood,
Some were organising,
like an architect would,
But all were helping each other,
under the Hertfordshire sun,
but best of all,
they were having such fun!

With my grateful thanks to all 89 of you who have come to the farm this week with your teachers, I’ve learnt so much from all of you. Come again!
Enormous thanks also to Sara and the Countryside Trust for making it all possible
 http://www.countrytrust.org.uk
Have a great weekend. Stay happy, healthy and safe.
© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

Share on Facebook
Share

Cereals 2018 (b)

Share

Yesterday I went to Cereals 2018. Various people asked why, when I no longer had any arable acres, did I bother going. At first I couldn’t come up with a good answer. However having mulled it over while I was walking around amongst the giant tractors, combines and cultivation machines I suddenly realised the answer…

You can take the farmer out of the farm,
a move contemplated with some alarm,
when he’s been used to a harvest all his life,
(so have his friends, family and wife).
It is more to him than just a career,
with it’s worry, uncertainty and cash flow fear,
when you remove his arable armour,
you can’t take the farm out of the farmer.

Have a great day and enjoy what you do while you can and stay away from big toys you can’t afford or justify!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

 

 

 

Share on Facebook
Share

Simon Woz Ere!

Share

Have you ever wondered what you’ll leave behind after your day is done? Perhaps your lasting presence will be preserved in digital bytes on Twitface or similar? A piece of graffiti on a rail bridge gave me cause to ponder this question the other day…

‘Simon woz Ere”
written in paint,
apart from the spelling,
I found it quite quaint!
How did he do it,
was it done for a dare,
must have sat on the pipe,
with nary a care!
So let’s here it for ‘Simon’,
he can be sure,
that until workmen paint it,
his immortality’s secure!

I have to admit that despite sharing a name, I didn’t do it and haven’t the nerve nor the love of heights to leave such a marker!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

Share on Facebook
Share

The Donkey’s Half Trim!

Share

It’s a well-know fact that many farmers make bad gardeners unless they can use a tractor! In my garden I wage a love/hate war with the topiary. Topiary can be compared to a vegetable plot – fine where you just look at it in someone else’s garden, but it’s hard work and unlike vegetables you can’t just pop out to buy what you need in town! According to my late mother I am the eighth generation to cut the hedges, they should have had my battery-powered trimmer (with added beer!)…

I was trimming the garden topiary,
Dreaming of a beer!
When I reached the man on a donkey,
My arms were tired I fear.
The trimmer whirred and snipped away,
Cut around the donkeys head,
and just before I removed an ear,
The battery went suddenly dead!
So I put it back on charge,
Much-relieved I did appear,
There was much relief from dead relations,
So I revived myself with a beer!

If you are doing something skilled and need a hand today, don’t ask me to help!! Have a great weekend and I’ll see you on the other side!
Just in case you were wondering… the picture shows the man on a donkey half trimmed!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

 

Share on Facebook
Share