The Hand Car (tractor) Wash!

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When is a car wash not a car wash? When I decide to pay it a visit! Not only do the NFU Mutual Insurance Company never know what I’m going to come up with next, but these guys are now getting used to me arriving with different shapes of yellow JCB to their car wash. You may be wondering why I’m being so lazy? Sorry, I can’t tell you as the news is subject to an embargo until Monday morning, so you’ll just have to wait and see…

“Can I bring a tractor,
for a bit of a clean,
it’s important that it’s spotless,
fit to be seen.
I’m only driving half an hour,
with a V.I.P,
please make sure it’s perfect,
for bystanders to wave and see!”

…photos available on Monday (hopefully if I succeed in a prompt delivery).
For the best hand car wash in the Letchworth area, get down to the junction of Jubilee and Works Roads in Letchworth and thanks to the NFU Mutual for their patience and help!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
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Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Undercover Cyclist!

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Have you ever taken a photo that when looked at later seems to convey a different story to the one envisaged at the time? The above photo shows a pleasant group of retired folk playing pétanque on a village green, all is well in their world until you notice the cyclist…

The SAS (cycle division) were undercover,
on a training exercise,
merging in with some old folk,
who showed no sign of surprise.
He radioed in to headquarters:
‘All’s fine I haven’t been seen!
I’m about to eat my rations,
sitting on the village green!’
Suddenly there was a commotion,
a player dropped a ball on his toe,
he yelled out the emergency word,
you should have seen the cyclist go!

With apologies for the quality of todays verse, must remember to take stronger tablets and drink more water! Have a great day and don’t drop anything heavy on your toes!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Egyptian Football Fan!

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I have been away for a few days. On Wednesday I was in a small village near Cambridge. There happened to be a football match being screened nearby so that not only did we have the commentary from the TV, but also the sound of the crowd down the road. I met a foreign national whose team had not been as successful in the World Cup…

The Egyptian Goose
looked at me and said,
“Who won the match?
because I went to bed!”

“Not England,” I replied

“Nor Egypt too,

they didn’t even get,
into round two!
I’ll be off now,
it’s all the same,
just thank heavens
it’s only a game!”
…and with a shake of his head he was gone muttering as he went about sea lions on a shirt!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Big Match!

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There are people who are fed up with the hot weather, but at the Baldock Saturday Boot Sale we love it! As an added bonus, because the gates open for sellers at 0630hrs, the heat of the day is yet upon us. But tomorrow many will ignore the heat at 3pm when a certain match kicks off in Russia…

It’s cool to boot at Baldock,
before the heat of the day,
the sellers set their stalls out,
many buyers (they don’t pay!)

Tomorrow we won’t mention ABBA,
meatballs or IKEA,
at three their stores may empty,
it’ll be football with a beer!

If things go wrong in Russia,
and England are knocked out,
let’s pray there isn’t trouble,
like throwing plastic chairs about!

Have a great weekend and enjoy the match!
See you the other side of the weekend!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Memories of a Moke!

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Yesterday I followed what might be described as a ‘Sixties Classic’ down to the town. I suddenly realised that I had forgotten they existed, and had a flash-back of a press photo from way back then. Despite an extensive search thanks to Mr Google, I can’t find the photo so it may just have been an illusion…

In the petrol station I met this bloke,
who was driving an original Mini Moke!
I remember a photo (of which I was fond),
astride a Moke – a ‘Hot-Panted’ blonde!
I was nine in sixty-four
Don’t remember much (soon be sixty-four!)
Of my faulty memory fun you may poke,
but I fancied the blonde more than the Moke!

Have a fun day and see if you too can have an illuminating flash-back today!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The Donkey’s Half Trim!

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It’s a well-know fact that many farmers make bad gardeners unless they can use a tractor! In my garden I wage a love/hate war with the topiary. Topiary can be compared to a vegetable plot – fine where you just look at it in someone else’s garden, but it’s hard work and unlike vegetables you can’t just pop out to buy what you need in town! According to my late mother I am the eighth generation to cut the hedges, they should have had my battery-powered trimmer (with added beer!)…

I was trimming the garden topiary,
Dreaming of a beer!
When I reached the man on a donkey,
My arms were tired I fear.
The trimmer whirred and snipped away,
Cut around the donkeys head,
and just before I removed an ear,
The battery went suddenly dead!
So I put it back on charge,
Much-relieved I did appear,
There was much relief from dead relations,
So I revived myself with a beer!

If you are doing something skilled and need a hand today, don’t ask me to help!! Have a great weekend and I’ll see you on the other side!
Just in case you were wondering… the picture shows the man on a donkey half trimmed!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

 

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Betty’s Yeti!

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The other day we took a friend to a local garage to look at a Skoda Yeti. If you remember the 70’s and 80’s, every single motoring joke was about a Skoda (eg why does a Skoda have a heater rear window – to keep your hands warm when you push-start it on a winter’s morning! etc. etc. ad nauseam). These days the joke is on other manufacturers. It may be because I’m old, but I was impressed, so was our friend. As a result there will be sightings of a Yeti in London, sleek and silver without the shaggy hair…

A friend has bought a Yeti,
(no, her name’s not Betty!)
No long hair,
like a bear,
the Yeti isn’t sweaty!

Yet again I find myself having to apologise for the quality, one can only hope and pray for better results tomorrow! Best wishes BB

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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‘Tut-Tuting’ in the Queue!

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More and more people seem to have less and less time on their hands these days. A two minute wait at traffic lights or a queue of more than four customers at the bank leads to much ‘tut-tutting!’ This seems to be most prevalent at the supermarket check-out…

Sunday morning at the basket checkout,
an old man with full basket makes another want to shout!
Then horror of horrors he’s not weighed his veg,
and some in the queue move closer to the edge!
Then the weigher doesn’t weigh and is broken down into parts,
resulting in a queue of irate olden-farts!
They have time during the week to do their shopping,
but at the weekend it’s the aisles they are a-clogging!
When they start to tut I remember a quote to fit:
‘When God made time he made plenty of it!’

Have a great day and watch out for me ‘tut-tutting’ at the checkout! Apologies yet again for the poor quality of the verse this morning, it reminds me never to give up my day job!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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Where Old Caravans go to Die!

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Walking the dogs this week in rural Cambridgeshire, I came across an abandoned caravan in a small yard miles from anywhere. Such is life, that once you spot one, you spot more and by yesterday I’d seen more abandoned caravans than one could sake a stick at. I came to the conclusion in the middle of the night that I’d discovered where old caravans go to die…

I was awake and in my mind’s eye,
I wondered where caravans go when they die,
when you stop to look and stare,
you see dead caravans everywhere.

They remember a time,
when the kids were both young,
old-fashioned holidays,
in the rain and the sun,
such great excitement,
with Lucy and Lance,
queuing at Dover,
before a ferry to France.
Life slowed down,
when the kids left home,
Sid and Betty,
were left on their own,
gentle weekends,
with the caravan club,
a few days away,
in a field by a pub.
Sid stopped driving,
and Betty didn’t tow,
sold the van to a rider,
to take to a show,
but then the rider,
got bored with her horse,
the caravan now lays abandoned,
between the elder and gorse.

…as for boats,
it’s different I think,
they just give up,
and finally sink!

If you’ve been away in a caravan for Half-Term I hope you had a wonderful time and brought back many wonderful memories.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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‘Snappy’ to the Rescue!

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Last week the GDPR regulations came into force for businesses in the UK. As far as I was aware, the only information we stored for the car boot sales was a list of mobile numbers. Therefore I sent out a text that included the following:
‘All we have is a list of mobile numbers stored on an i-Phone which is kept at night in the cage that holds our pet crocodile, Snappy, and we will never ever give your number to anyone else because you are our friend’
From texts received it would seem that Snappy has a number of fans out there, but even if he’s not real, it can do you good to keep your very own ‘Snappy’ in reserve…

If you’ve ever dealt with complaints before,
and not wished to hear just one word more,
what you need are some sharp teeth,
a trap door with a croc beneath!
Even if this croc isn’t real,
pretend it is and better you’ll feel,
reach for that lever in your mind,
and leave the complaints far behind!

He may squeal,
He may shout,
but you have let,
your ‘Snappy’ out!

Have a great day and don’t let those complaints get you down!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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