Not Man-Flu!

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Nearly everyone I’ve met in the last week seems to have had a nasty cold. Some have had flu and some just feel under the weather. I suppose it serves me right for mocking the afflicted but yesterday I sniffled my way through an important meeting…

There’s a vicious lurgy,
that’s doing the rounds,
where did it come from?
Certainly fertile grounds!

It’s not because I missed the jab,
or because I’m very old,
judging by the sneezing,
looks like I’ve got a cold!

May you stay germ-free
I hope it doesn’t strike you,
from my perspective,
it’s worse that any man-flu!

Here’s hoping you stay healthy, wealthy and wise!

© Baldock Bard 2019
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard


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The Empty Glass!

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Since before Christmas I have written no verse. There are those who have wondered if I have been hiding on a small private island in the Caribbean without means of communication. Others have wondered if my fingers have frozen up in old age and I’m no longer able to use a keypad. The truth is that I took a sabbatical from Barding and enjoyed not having to worry about what to write! So welcome back to my 1,795th verse…

“Would seem my glass is empty,
been empty for some time,
would you be so kind as to fill it,
from the nearest bottle of wine?
What kind of host are you,
leave their guest’s glasses dry?
and while you pass the bottle,
I’ll have another small mince pie!”

With very best wishes for the New Year

© Baldock Bard 2019
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
RETURNS AFTER 27 YEARS!
First Saturday after Easter 2019
Buyers will still Park and Enter FREE!

www.u-boot.co.uk It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Hot Wires!

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Yesterday I wanted to check out how close some trees were to the power cables in a field. Firstly I used my eyesight, which has never been that great at judging distances! Then I had an idea and fetched my drone from the car…

Flying close to electric wire,
just like playing with fire!
but I had to have a a go,
not just for the picture you know.

I was dismayed to see,
the wires so close to a tree,
I won’t get the saw out,
but give the power company a shout!

…I was soon on the phone,
all thanks to my faithful drone!

I apologise for the poor quality of today’s verse, but it seemed a shame to waste such a good picture! Have a great day and stay away from the wires.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

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Matt’s Man Flu!

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Yesterday I saw a friend who was not well. Matt is a big guy and to see him laid low by something so iniquitous was not a pretty sight. Being a sympathetic person, I had to record his suffering with a photo! Then I had an urge to write about him to complete his misery…

“I’m boiling cold,
and freezing hot,
I think it’s man flu,
that I’ve got!”

“Do you feed a cold,
or starve the flu?
I’ll give it beer,
that’s what I’ll do!”

“When I’m asked,
‘Why not in bed?’
I will say:
‘Hangover’ instead!”

Wishing ‘Big Matt’ a very speedy recovery!
Have a great day and keep away from germs!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
RETURNS AFTER 27 YEARS!
First Saturday after Easter 2019
Buyers will still Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Giant Chef!

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Flying my drone recently I happened to overfly some trees on my way back to the launch site. On reviewing my photos later, some of the trees looked very different from above and so I took off again to go and investigate further…

A giant chef has dipped,
some of our trees in turmeric,
then shaken off the excess,
in an attempt to humour it.

Will he now fry them?
I’m not sure if he can,
but one thing I know,
it would take one enormous pan!

Never in the field of rhyming verse have so many liberties been taken in so few lines!
Have a great day and I hope your endeavours turn out better!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

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The Two Terriers!

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We share our house two terriers, Mati and Mali (pictured at table above!). Living with two dogs can be hard work. So long as you understand that you are in their home for one purpose and that is to provide for them and do as instructed, there will be no problems! Our two even let us go out on our own sometimes un-chaperoned. However there is always a price to pay…

We share our house with two dogs,
they have a say in what we do!
We are ‘their humans’ at beck and call,
I’m afraid it’s true.
Sometimes they treat us very well,
so long as we comply,
at other times they ignore us,
no matter how hard we try!
I wouldn’t want to disturb them,
in the mornings I wouldn’t risk it,
but to get their attention at any time,
I just have to whisper “biscuit!”

Have a good day, and if you have a dog in your life: ‘woof, woof grrrr!”

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
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The Photogenic Swan!

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There are some photo opportunities that just happen, but only for a split second. Last Sunday evening, while relaxing by the river, watching the sun go down and getting outside a can of Guinness, such a photo presented itself. I grabbed my trusty i-Phone and here is the result…

Sunday evening,
nursing a glass of beer,
looking at the river,
when a swan did appear.
I thought it was unlikely,
a picture I could take,
the sun was in my eyes,
a decision I had to make!
Snap, snap, snap, snap,
blindly I pressed the button,
on the small phone screen,
(for suspense I am a glutton!)
When at last I saw it,
on a computer screen,
I had to admit,
one of the best I’ve ever seen!

A very lucky shot!
(or rather not bad for a ‘Point and Squirt Merchant!’)

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbardShare on Facebook

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Decision Made…!

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There is a photo-sharing website that has a category entitled ‘A decision was made here!’ of items returned by shoppers to the wrong shelf. Yesterday in a supermarket I witnessed this having just witnessed a hissed argument between a husband and wife. I added two and two together…

HE SAID:
“What’s that in the trolley?
Who do you think you are?
Even with weight loss,
you’re no Kate Moss,
you’ll never fill that bra!”

SHE SAID
“Why thank you darling husband,
for those comforting words I hear,
your expansive gut,
you like to strut,
can’t possibly be down to beer!”

On the end of an aisle a discarded bra,
that she’ll never fill,
the argument,
means money spent,
enough crisps to make her ill!

Have a great day and steer clear of any unpleasantness if you can! Let’s all be kind out there!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
RETURNS AFTER 27 YEARS!
First Saturday after Easter 2019

Buyers will still Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The World’s Largest Donut!

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The other night I dreamt that I was eating the world’s largest donut! Being diabetic and no longer allowed such fare, it was a wonderful illicit dream and took me back in time to two years ago before I was diagnosed when it would have been no impossible dream…

The world’s largest donut,
was in front of me!
Had to lift it up,
with my JCB.
Opened wide,
and took a bite,
to eat it all,
would have taken all night!

When I woke in the morning,
no sugar-coated mouth,
no lump in my stomach,
heading south,
I could have sworn if allowed,
I’d have eaten it all,
the wonderful dreams,
of a diabetic fool!

Have a fantastic Friday and if you can, treat yourself!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
LAST SALE TOMORROW!
THIS SATURDAY
20th
thOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RDShare on Facebook

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The Amateur Plumber!

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Most farmers are, through necessity, ‘Jack of All Trades!’. They can turn their hands to most things in an emergency, mostly so long as it involves baler-twine or gaffer tape! I try my best, I never tough electrics, however have been known to tackle small plumbing jobs. Yesterday the taps ran dry in the house and so I replaced a ball-cock in the attic…

I’m a very amateur plumber,
I’m not a plumbers mate,
I can sometimes mend a water leak,
before it is too late.

But sometimes I leave it,
“I’ll sort that out sometime!”
and water drips through the ceiling,
and yes! The fault is mine!

This time all went smoothly,
praise caught me unawares,
then I went and spoilt it,
the ladder’s still upstairs!

May you shower be warm and your taps never drip!
Have a great Friday and weekend

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD
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