Italian Belles!

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When I found this picture in an archive file, I knew that I had to use it one morning. Taken fifteen years ago, it can only be Italy! A sheep farmer here in the UK would never think of being without wellies and a cap and his sheepdogs would be Collie-dogs, his sheep straight from Shaun The Sheep. There would be one other noticeable difference, the soundtrack…

Sounding like a Swiss episode of Ski Sunday,
when the local hero swishes down the course,
the massed bells of these continental sheep,
are to be found above Naples of course!
Not a collie to be seen for miles,
but large dogs to fight off wolves and the like,
no pub but a local taverna,
what’s here for a tourist farmer not to like?

If you’re a sheep farmer, may the sun shine on your day. If you’re not, why not enjoy some wonderful British Lamb.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Cherry and Ian

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Without people, this would just be another rock in space.

There are some people who’s mere presence can make your day and make you smile.

Cherry and Ian seem to have always have been visitors to our Saturday car boot sales, whenever I met them there was a cheery “Hello Simon!” and a quick story, more often than not concerning their latest exploits in their world of vintage cars. Cherry had recently taken over as an office-holder in their vintage motor club and they never seemed to miss either a meeting, rally or event.

On Saturday 11th of August, they came to the car boot sale earlier than usual as they were off to a rally. Sadly, on the way to that rally, somewhere near Oxford, they were involved in a collision and tragically, Cherry lost her life.
When my son was killed in similar circumstances, the first time that I saw them afterwards, Ian mumbled and Cherry simply held my hand in a gesture full of the utmost kindness and concern. She always thought of others first.

Ian is now back at a local hospital and is making a recovery, how he’ll cope without his true soul-mate I can’t even consider. They were such a well-matched pair that it is inconceivable to think of one without the other.

I consider myself truly privileged to have known them.

They will be sorely missed on a Saturday morning.

Simon (aka Baldock Bard)

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In Case of Emergency!

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What do you carry in your car in case of emergency? The other day I made an attempt to clear out the back of my trusty Mitsubishi Shogun Sport farm car. It was way overdue and I found myself troubling over what constituted important and was was superficial…

There’s a landing pad in the back of my car,
just in case my drone goes too far.
A wire hand winch to lift where I can’t,
a spade for planting a colourful plant.
Assorted tools for mending when stuff broke,
a spare high-vis from a car boot bloke.
There’s also a box of fencing nails,
a spare light-board in case one fails.
But most important a heap of loo rolls,
in case I’m frightened by zombies or trolls!
If none of them were in my car,
I’d need each one before I went far!

Have a good week and if you need any of the above you know where to call

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Sending in ‘The Heavies’!

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Very occasionally we have a tenant in our light industrial workshops who expects continued occupation whilst withholding rent. If there is no communication or attempt to pay I have to take action. This happened for the first time in many years recently and so I was forced to send in ‘The Heavies’ otherwise known as Sumo…

“I can’t seem to enter my unit,
there’s something in the way,
I don’t seem to be able to shift it,
It weighs much more than hay!”

“There is a simple answer,
it involves a pound or two,
then my JCB will shift it,
hand the unit back to you.
‘Oh dear!’ you’ve mislaid your cheque book,
you’re waiting for others to pay,
your customers car is inside,
he can wait another day!”

“What? You’ve found some money?”
I say with thinly veiled shock!
“Your customer’s on his way,
I’ll remove the concrete block!”

Have a good day and may those who owe you money race to pay their dues!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Space Saver!

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There is a Welsh legend that in the early days of motoring a Welshman had the idea of carrying a spare wheel in case of punctures. From then on he was known by the name ‘Stepney Spare-Wheel’. Fast-forward to yesterday and his antecedent ‘Sven Space-Saver’ was the target of my angst when I discovered a flat tyre…

Bloody Sven and his poxy space-saver wheel,
bet he never changed one for real,
everything hidden under piles of shopping,
designed to make the moment heart-stopping.
Once you’ve found yourself a jack,
(about as much use as a bent toast-rack),
then you remember the locking stud,
thank heaven’s it’s dry without any mud.
Finally you replace the wheel with the spare,
50 miles an hour to drive anywhere,
you stand back to admire your skill,
“What shall I do with the punctured wheel?”
It won’t fit in the spare-wheel well,
the dirt will make the shopping smell.
So thanks a lot Sven for the space you save,
you’ll make Stepney Spare-Wheel spin in his grave!

Have a god day and I do hope you avoid a puncture.
Thanks to Baldock Tyres for promptly repairing the puncture so I could hide the space-saver until the next time!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The One-Cat Protest!

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Whenever my daughter and her family pack their motorhome for a few days break, their cat, Min, stages a one-cat-protest. It’s as if she’s been listening in to their conversations and is determined to disrupt their get away or even stowaway…

“They are going to climb into that tin house with wheels,
and leave me behind they don’t know how it feels,
I have used many novel ways in the past,
this one might be effective at last!
I shall sit upon the step by the door,
trip them up so they drop their clothes on the floor,
then when they think I’m back in the house,
I’m in the camper van as quiet as a mouse.”

“…But then I purr, I might as well wail
and I’m out on my ear – yet another fail!”

Have a great weekend and if you’re travelling check for feline stowaways!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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Autumn in July!

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I must have been walking around with blinkers on for the last few weeks as suddenly the pavements and sides of the roads seem to be covered in leaves. Autumn has come early and with it a problem for both councils and motorists…

It’s autumn in July,
it made me wonder why,
so many leaves were lying on the ground?
It’s as if the trees,
had performed a striptease,
because the relentless heat had finally ground them down.

Both the sides of the road,
leaves gathered like it snowed,
even yellow-lines are partially obscured.
Will you get a parking fine,
by stopping on the hidden line,
a leafy prosecution might well be secured!

Stay safe out there and take care where you park!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Damned If I Do…!

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Have you ever been wrong on many counts? I was the other day and it was not long before a stranger told me so! It was a very hot day and I had gone shopping with Mrs Bard. We parked in a supermarket car park so devoid of shade it might as well have been an Arabian desert! As we had the dogs in the car I elected to stay with them. Having recently watched a video of a vet, dressed in scrubs, showing how hot dogs can become in a car, I left the engine and air-conditioning running. Big mistake…

A knock on the window heralded her arrival,
Attilla the Hen had a new rival!
“What are you doing with your engine running?”
Her vitriolic attack was momentarily stunning,
“It’s people like you cause Global Warming,
I’ll report you for that!” a timely warning!
When I said I had two dogs in the back,
she started to splutter as if having an attack,
“People like you should be allowed to keep pets,
They should have warnings about you in the vets!”
With that she stormed off quite absurd,
and fell not so gracefully over the kerb!
So I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t,
will I take any notice? I’m damned if I won’t!

Have a great day, enjoy the heatwave and remember hot dogs die in hot cars. Stay cool, healthy, happy and safe

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Very Special Delivery!

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Saturday was a truly golden day for our JCB Fastrac tractor, she was delivering a very precious cargo to a venue between Hitchin and Letchworth. Paul, (the father of bride Emma) looked after our pigs until the mid-eighties and he, Jen his wife, Andrew, Mandy, Mark and Emma lived in a cottage down the road. Emma is an A&E nurse and was an absolutely gem when my mother died. Like so many in our wonderful NHS, she was so caring and made all the difference at a very difficult time. Wild horses wouldn’t have denied me the honour of driving her to her wedding…

Emma got married Saturday morning,
Oh Wow! The sun is gonna shine!
A deciding factor,
She’s going on the tractor!
Gotta get her to the venue on time!
…with many apologies to lyricist Alan Jay Lerner who wrote ‘I’m getting married in the morning’ from the show My Fair Lady.
…and many thanks to Emma and hubby Paul for letting me be a small part of their big day. Remembering with fondness Emma’s sister Mandy, who I’m sure was looking down on her family with pride and love.

Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

 

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The Hand Car (tractor) Wash!

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When is a car wash not a car wash? When I decide to pay it a visit! Not only do the NFU Mutual Insurance Company never know what I’m going to come up with next, but these guys are now getting used to me arriving with different shapes of yellow JCB to their car wash. You may be wondering why I’m being so lazy? Sorry, I can’t tell you as the news is subject to an embargo until Monday morning, so you’ll just have to wait and see…

“Can I bring a tractor,
for a bit of a clean,
it’s important that it’s spotless,
fit to be seen.
I’m only driving half an hour,
with a V.I.P,
please make sure it’s perfect,
for bystanders to wave and see!”

…photos available on Monday (hopefully if I succeed in a prompt delivery).
For the best hand car wash in the Letchworth area, get down to the junction of Jubilee and Works Roads in Letchworth and thanks to the NFU Mutual for their patience and help!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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