The Hand Car (tractor) Wash!

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When is a car wash not a car wash? When I decide to pay it a visit! Not only do the NFU Mutual Insurance Company never know what I’m going to come up with next, but these guys are now getting used to me arriving with different shapes of yellow JCB to their car wash. You may be wondering why I’m being so lazy? Sorry, I can’t tell you as the news is subject to an embargo until Monday morning, so you’ll just have to wait and see…

“Can I bring a tractor,
for a bit of a clean,
it’s important that it’s spotless,
fit to be seen.
I’m only driving half an hour,
with a V.I.P,
please make sure it’s perfect,
for bystanders to wave and see!”

…photos available on Monday (hopefully if I succeed in a prompt delivery).
For the best hand car wash in the Letchworth area, get down to the junction of Jubilee and Works Roads in Letchworth and thanks to the NFU Mutual for their patience and help!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Undercover Cyclist!

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Have you ever taken a photo that when looked at later seems to convey a different story to the one envisaged at the time? The above photo shows a pleasant group of retired folk playing pétanque on a village green, all is well in their world until you notice the cyclist…

The SAS (cycle division) were undercover,
on a training exercise,
merging in with some old folk,
who showed no sign of surprise.
He radioed in to headquarters:
‘All’s fine I haven’t been seen!
I’m about to eat my rations,
sitting on the village green!’
Suddenly there was a commotion,
a player dropped a ball on his toe,
he yelled out the emergency word,
you should have seen the cyclist go!

With apologies for the quality of todays verse, must remember to take stronger tablets and drink more water! Have a great day and don’t drop anything heavy on your toes!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Memories of a Moke!

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Yesterday I followed what might be described as a ‘Sixties Classic’ down to the town. I suddenly realised that I had forgotten they existed, and had a flash-back of a press photo from way back then. Despite an extensive search thanks to Mr Google, I can’t find the photo so it may just have been an illusion…

In the petrol station I met this bloke,
who was driving an original Mini Moke!
I remember a photo (of which I was fond),
astride a Moke – a ‘Hot-Panted’ blonde!
I was nine in sixty-four
Don’t remember much (soon be sixty-four!)
Of my faulty memory fun you may poke,
but I fancied the blonde more than the Moke!

Have a fun day and see if you too can have an illuminating flash-back today!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The Home From Home

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On my way to the bank yesterday I passed a caravan parked in a car park. Knowing that some holiday-makers sometimes use car parks for the night with a motorhome, the idea of a caravan parking this way was new to me. On the way back I stopped to speak to the couple who were sat outside in the sunshine. They’d had a tough week, he’d lost his job, she had been ill and they were evicted from their home. However, they were smiling, with a broad grin he told me how friends were rallying round to help…

In a car park in town,
a caravan with jacks down,
looks like it’s going to stay.
A husband and wife,
with troubles in life,
sit outside on a perfect summer’s day.

Last week they were evicted,
a move neither predicted,
and now the van is their home.
The leisure battery was shot,
no power had they got,
no light at all – not an ohm.

A friend lent a generator,
a battery from a mate (…er!),
their friends had rallied around.
I felt quite humble,
that despite a huge tumble,
their feet remained on the ground.

The moral is clear,
that when icebergs appear,
and your ship is sinking quite fast,
friends bring the lifeboat,
to help keep you a-float:
Your future depends on your past.

(…in life you reap what you sow!)

When I passed later they had gone. I wish them well, it just shows that none of us realize just how lucky we are.
True friends are always there, covering our backs.
Discover a new friend today. I made and helped a new friend yesterday.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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“May I come in?”

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Today’s picture was taken by my drone flying just outside a tiny village in the rolling hills of North Hertfordshire that I call home. It shows where the small local road crosses the main A507 Baldock to Buntingford road.

On the 20th of June, a man left his house in Baldock, two miles away, to go for a run. Tragically, he didn’t return home. According to local reports, he was hit by a lorry near this junction. The report went on to tell how ‘next of kin have been informed’.
Sadly, my family are well-aware of the process. A police officer knocks on the door (in our case close to midnight) and utters the words “May I come in?” or similar.
He brings with him or her a maelstrom so sudden and violent that it can leave the recipient with deep but invisible scarring from which there is little hope of a full recovery. Every time I hear of a fatality on our roads my thoughts are immediately with nearest and dearest receiving such life-changing news.
For such a sudden tragedy to happen so close to our village, brings it even closer to home and unpicks the invisible scars yet again.

What I’d like you to do is this: Please can you ring, text, e-mail or somehow get in touch with your nearest and dearest. Not this afternoon, not tomorrow, but right now. Can you say or type the words: “LOVE YOU.”
Not for me, not for my son David or Peter Day who died out running, but for you. You are able to do it while so many can’t and never will be able to.

© Baldock Bard 2018

The Road Victims Trust is a registered charity offering a range of free support services to residents of Bedfordshire, Cambridgeshire and Hertfordshire who have been affected by fatal road collisions. http://www.rvtrust.org.uk

 

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A Big Girls Toy!

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Like many farmers I have been used to driving large machines all my life, the bigger the better. Some say that, although over sixty, I’m still a big kid. Give me a combine harvester or tractor to drive and I’m still in seventh heaven. This week I watched a large crane in action lifting a 19 ton narrowboat out of the water at a marina in Cambridgeshire. The crane was manoeuvred with consummate skill by a girl, I was insanely jealous…

Marie hops up to the crane cab door,
you can tell she’s done this job before,
she is dwarfed by the enormous machine,
she’s petite and her clothes are clean!
There’s a roar from the mighty beast,
sounds like a thousand horsepower at least!
then very gently (as it oughta),
the narrow boat slowly leaves the water!

With grateful thanks to Marie, her skill and mighty machine put me and my little Loadall well into the shade! Marie and her crane can be found at Westview Marina, Erith in Cambridgeshire www.westviewmarina.co.uk/
© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The Hooded Camera

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Driving along the A1 trunk road yesterday, I noticed that many of the speed cameras were hooded. Were they jealous of their cousins who get to go to weddings, parties and happy occasions? Had they seen something that had made them need counselling? Maybe they were no longer needed as a deterrent as everyone now slows down to half the speed limit? Perhaps those in charge should remove them and erect them next to local schools or give them a holiday? I am confused…

The cameras are all covered,
to protect them from what they’ll see,
maybe it’s an order,
to make them more P.C.?
They’re nowhere near a school,
old folks home or suchlike,
a footbridge over the carriageway,
so no toddlers on a trike.
If I were in charge of cameras,
I would cut a hole,
and catch out all the speeders,
with increased police patrol!

If you’re travelling today please take care and arrive at your destination safely. Arriving late is better than not arriving at all.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

 

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A Farmer’s Straight Rows!

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Towards the end of every week from April to October I can be found in a 10 acre field on the outskirts of Baldock riding a small ride-on mower! If I had £1 for every time in the last 26 years where some wise joker has asked me what I was doing in such a large field with such a small mower I could retire to the West Indies! However it is an integral part of preparations for the Saturday car boot sales…

You grow more potatoes,
when the row isn’t straight,
I guess the same goes for containers,
and other types of freight!
But at a car boot sale,
if the lines are all obscure,
customers are unhappy,
and I end up ‘in manure!’
So every week,
between April and October,
I try to mow straight lines,
(have to do it when cold sober!)
They all say it’s easy,
to run a car boot sale,
but let me assure you,
there are many ways to fail!
…and one of them is crooked rows!!

Have a great weekend and if you’re mowing a lawn, enjoy keeping the rows straight!
If you’re anywhere near Baldock, come and have a look for yourself (details below!)

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober  2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The Trolley-Cam

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While shopping over the weekend I came across a couple arguing. I wondered if such a thing as a Trolley-Cam existed, would people start putting ‘shocking shopping moments’ on Twitface rather like they do with motorway incidents now. I had invented ‘Trolley-Cam’ (in my mind). Then, on second thoughts I decided that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea…

I went shopping with my trolley-cam,
just in case I met an argumentative man,
down the aisles without any strife,
all of a sudden “You filming my wife?”
I tried to explain, as one should,
“of course not old chap, as if I would?”
“You’d better not” he said to I,
and with a fist he blacked my eye.
So the idea is a definite non-starter,
I’m too much a coward to make a good martyr!

Enjoy today and smile as you’re bound to be on camera somewhere! The Truman Show is here and now.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
7am Every Saturday until October

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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The Road-Mending Fairy!

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Yesterday was a lovely sunny and warm day. In fact it was just the sort of day to sit in a pub by the river with an ice-cold glass of beer! As I am lacking in any sort of common sense I chose the day to mend the pot-holes on the back drive leading to our industrial units…

Being stupid,
and devoid of common sense,
I chose the warmest April day,
to mend the roadway by the fence.
The back drive is now,
like an ‘effin motorway,
all the pot holes have disappeared,
the Road-Mending Fairy’s gone away!
He built up a thirst,
a few beers cannot quell,
and now he doesn’t care,
he’s legless (can’t you tell?)
So next time you see a pothole,
spare a thought for the guy,
who shovels in the filler,
under a furnace April sky!

Enjoy your day and may there be no potholes to give you a bumpy ride!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14
thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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