The Pavement Tables!

Posted on April 16, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Here in North Hertfordshire summer has arrived early. Yesterday’s temperature reached 24 degrees and Baldockonians are making the most of the sunshine to act like continentals, while some ‘tut-tut’ at this frivolous exhibitionism…

Summer’s here, not far from home,
Pavement tables just like Rome!
Friends have gathered, ignore the traffic,
A wonderful scene, so photographic!
Elder residents have been known to say,
“Wouldn’t have happened in our day!
Do they think it’s an esplanade?
What with all that skin displayed!”
No-one’s had to take a plane,
We’re in Baldock, warmer than Spain!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Traffic Jam Fairy!

Posted on April 15, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

You know what it’s like, you’re half an hour or more later leaving than you’d like and everything is going well. Suddenly a large spanner hits the works and the estimated time of arrival flies out of the window. The inconsiderate Traffic Jam Fairy is here…

We were in a hurry, running late,
Mrs Bard called it ‘my fault’, I called it ‘fate’.
We’d just passed a motorway junction,
When suddenly the tarmac lost its function.
At the other cars the dogs did bark,
As the road transformed into a large car park!
At the next opportunity we changed our route,
The shrewdness of this move I still dispute!
The satnav was being a wonderful tool,
For once it didn’t vacillate at all!
After half an hour we were out of the mess,
Congratulating ourselves on such success,
Then horror of horrors what a failure,
Around the bend, a tractor and trailer!
…being a farmer I should have known better!
© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

A Happy Squirrel Moment!

Posted on April 14, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I had the sort of real treat that a squirrel would understand well – I discovered a hidden bar of chocolate I’d forgotten about. Unfortunately once open it evaporated…

There’s one thing,
A chocolate lover knows,
Is where to find,
A fix in Waitrose!

For me there’s only,
One to choose,
It’s rich and milky,
Silky smooth.

However a warning,
In your ear,
Once it’s opened,
It’ll disappear!

So just be warned,
Hide it well,
Or you’ll descend,
Into ‘No-Chocolate-Hell’

Protective Gloves!

Posted on April 13, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Once the preserve of doctors, surgeons and vets, the humble disposable glove has now widened its sphere of influence throughout society. There are few places where it is not part of daily life, and yet it receives little praise or honour…

Oh disposable glove what a wonder thou art,
In everyday scenarios you play your part!
In the office, farmyard or factory floor,
Protects from dirt, disease and gore!
Their humble contribution doesn’t quit,
Until you realise one has split!

Up at the Crack of Dawn!

Posted on April 11, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning I’ve heaved my protesting body out of a comfortable warm bed at silly-o’clock for the first time this year. This is the approximately 586^th morning I’ve wandered down the road to organize a car boot sale since 1992. My chariot (Mitzi with three loos on a trailer) awaits, along with a queue of sellers who have uncomfortable mattresses…

A quarter past five
My alarm shouts a warning!
“Get Up, Get Up!
It’s a Saturday morning!

Get down the road,
Open the gate,
They’ll be people waiting,
Don’t you be late!”

My hand blundered about,
There was a loud knock,
I’ll look at the boot sale,
For a new alarm clock!

I wish you all a great weekend. If you’re visiting a bootsale near Baldock, please be gentle on the tired old man on the gate!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
This and every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Hiding in the Rushes!

Posted on April 10, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

How did we reach this state where we have some of the weakest, most pathetic and untrustworthy politicians on the planet? Leadership – something sadly lacking as they descend towards the gutter at warp-factor nine. The truth lies hiding somewhere in the rushes…

I’m so fed up with politics,
Shouting, smears, dirty tricks.
They won’t look us in the eyes,
In case we see their woeful lies.
No party is above a TV stunt,
From venue to venue supporters shunt.
If only they were Pinocchio,
In real time watch noses grow!
Common sense suspended until May 8,
Until then they’ll each other hate!
And after then, they’ll be so wise:
“That was policy, there were no lies!”

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns TOMORROW April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Easter Bunnies on R&R!

Posted on April 9, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Visiting Oxfordshire yesterday I looked up and was startled to see more rabbits than I’ve seen for years. I think they were taking time out following a very busy Easter Weekend.

Where do the Easter bunnies go,
When their work is done?
They aren’t found near Baldock,
Because they like the sun!

Yesterday I saw them,
Relaxed and not afraid,
Their mouths covered in chocolate,
And drinking lemonade!

But what is this? They’re waving!
Of a farmer they have no fear?
They show their little cotton tails,
Then simply disappear!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns this Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Jelly at Lunchtime!

Posted on April 8, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

It must be twenty-eight and a half years since we last had a toddler in the house. While we weren’t necessarily strict parents, Mrs Bard and I were from the non-spoiling school of child rearing (Perhaps for historical accuracy I should remove my name from this statement as I was probably ‘an easy touch’ and any credit in the rearing dept. should go to Mrs Bard). Add a generation and things are slightly different…

Please eat your lunch,
It’s good for you!
Please eat your lunch,
It’s good!
Please eat your lunch,
Please eat,
Please!

Just another mouthful,
And you can have a jelly.
You don’t want jelly.
How about a Peppa Pig Jelly?
No we don’t watch Peppa Pig at lunchtimes.
The news is different.

How about Peppa Pig and a Peppa Pig Jelly?
You can’t watch Peppa and Thomas the Tank Engine together.
OK, so you can!
I’m sure Peppa wouldn’t mind you eating her jelly while…
Jelly on my trousers is so not funny.
OK, so jelly on my trousers is funny.
Ssssh! The news is starting!

With apologies to granddaughter, daughter and Mrs Bard.
Weakness is my strength!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns this Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Nature’s Finest View

Posted on April 7, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Last night I took a photograph of the sunset over the river. It was breathtaking, although my photographic skills are sadly lacking and reliant on my ‘point and squirt’ digital camera. We do indeed live in a wonderful world…

The world turns gold,
And the promise,
That was today,
Slips silently away,
To become tomorrow.

The watery reflection,
like a tantalizing glimpse,
of another world,
That perhaps we’ll see,
Tomorrow or another day,
Or maybe not at all?

The swan floats serenely by,
As if it’s part of this other world already!

Nature’s most exquisite picture,
Slowly fades,
As the sun moves on,
To other continents,
And other times,
Leaving behind just darkness.

Happy 1st day back to work after the holiday!
The weekend is a day closer this week!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

A Cambridgeshire Crucifiction!

Posted on April 6, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I watched a passion play and it was excellent. The amateur players hardly put a foot wrong and despite taking place in various locations around a Cambridgeshire market town, there seemed to be no hiccups! It was however, slightly strange to see the characters with a variety of modern day backdrops…

At Easter in St Neots they’ve closed the street,
Residents can come to listen and meet,
There are stages set and Roman Guards,
Pharisees, Scribes and also Bards!
The throng all follow the action route,
There’s a crucifixion in a car park to boot!
When they’ve seen all there is to see,
The crowd wanders home in time for tea!