There is a sentence that strikes terror into the heart of anyone who rarely drives into London: “Do you think we strayed into the Congestion Charge Zone?” I had to drive into the Capital recently to take an aged relative to the train and was beset by congestion. Luckily one of my travelling companions, Tom-Twice, had found a new route that despite severe congestion, was marginally quicker. Keeping my wits around me and concentrating on the traffic, I reached the station just in time. Mrs Bard then uttered those fateful words, “Do you think we breached the Congestion Charge Zone while we were in all that Congestion?” I rang Transport For London to check. However as with many civil contractors they were less than civil and suggested I wait for the postman to find out (and pay an increased fine of £65 rather than £8)…
I rang the hotline, to see if a fine,
Was owing for me to pay,
Had foray I’d made,
Into Congestion Zone strayed,
Could they please tell me if ‘yay?’
“I’m sorry Sir, she said with a burr,
I’m not at liberty to say,
You’ll just have to wait,
For a future date,
An increased penalty will find you that day”
I tried to plea, to see if she’d see,
Congestion had forced me to stray,
The traffic backed up,
My journey was fluffed,
Was late to Paddington that way!
They don’t give a damn, if car or a van,
Cos when they’ve got you, that’s it!
So I paid the damn fine,
And published this line,
TFL – you make me spit!
Apparently revenue raised has to go towards transport improvements in the Capital. Well I’ve got news for you Boris! You must be wasting it, because traffic flow was a joke when you stung me for £65… Someone suggested I should consider buying a petrol/electric Pious to avoid the charge altogether, although what it would think to being forced to drive across fields I have no idea!
© Baldock Bard 2013
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