The Risks of ‘Elf and Safety!


Longer LadderHealth and Safety rules are everywhere in our daily lives. Unfortunately so are rules invented by ‘Elf and Safety, its unruly twin brother. Councils are particularly fond of this latter breed of made-up gold-plated rules and many jobsworths are employed to ensure compliance. Unfortunately this stupidity tends to counteract the good work done by the HSE (Health and Safety Executive) who are then unfairly tarred with the same, rather soiled, brush…

You need a longer ladder, Mate,
To change that bulb up there!
Have you done an assessment,
Of the risk posed by you pair?

Have you done the training,
To wear a fluorescent vest?
Or been on a course, rules to enforce,
That ‘Elf and Safety’s best!

We can’t have hanging baskets,
In case they should fall down,
Christmas Trees just spread disease,
So are banished from the town!

No conkers in the playground,
Unless safety goggles worn,
Clip-on ties, save bulging eyes,
When Tom’s tie is grabbed by Shaun!

The HSE are desperately trying,
to challenge the ‘Elf and Safety myth,
So check with them, before telling the men,
Who may think you’re taking the pith!

Help the HSE banish the myth and restore sense by visiting

© Baldock Bard 2013
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