I’m Not An Engineer!


Pipe RepairIt looked like a simple job. A warning light on the tractor dashboard glowed red along with a buzzer that guaranteed shrilling tinnitus for the next few hours. Unfortunately I hadn’t realised that in the factory, on a clean and brand new tractor, the engineers had an easier and quicker job to install a simple flexible pipe, that on a three-year-old machine that’s dirty, oily and covered up by other parts …

I went to my tractor dealer,
the pipe lay on the counter,
in a clean and pristine condition,
an excellent encounter!
On the journey home,
thought “A speedy job I’ll make,
have it on in half an hour,
in fact ‘a piece of cake!'”
Drove the tractor from the shed,
climbed up upon the rear,
couldn’t see either end,
“not an easy job I fear.”
One hour later I’m fed up,
I view my bloodied hand,
I dropped a vital nut on the floor,
things hadn’t gone as planned!
I need a multi-bending arm,
a finger with a light,
a spanner sewn on my thumb,
a third eye on the right!
I finally finished the ‘piece of cake’
two hours “I need a beer!”
I won’t bother with it again,
I’ll call an engineer!

Note to myself:
Tattoo on arm ‘Don’t Be an idiot – call the boys at Oliver Landpower Luton For JCB Repairs!

© Baldock Bard 2016
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