Not in my Size!


Yesterday I was taken shopping by Mrs Bard to a large and well-known clothes store in a retail park. The assistant, while being incredibly polite, was obviously having great difficulty finding clothes that would fit my expanded frame. This came as quite a shock as up to now it has always been easy to find clothes. I have now to admit that age has taken its toll and that where once I could eat all I liked without weight gain, times have changed…

My wife took me shopping,
I had nothing smart to wear,
My wardrobe was so Eighties,
Except for underwear.

On entering the store,
I couldn’t believe my eyes,
So many different choices,
Not much was in my size.

I took a pile of clothing,
Into a cubicle to try,
Who ever was that fat man who,
From the mirror caught my eye?

I seemed to have grown two sizes,
In the waist and around the neck,
The assistant suggested larger,
I had turned into a wreck.

My younger body had run out,
Was nowhere in that store,
It was quite a shock to know,
I’m not thirty anymore.

So I went into a bookshop
A diet book to ease my sorrow
A bag of crisps by page two
The diet starts tomorrow!

© Baldock Bard
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