The Big Yellow Verse about The Big Yellow Suit

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Some years ago, as a joke, a friend gave me a pair of large yellow overalls of the type you’d expect to see when the emergency services are doing HAZMAT training.
It became a standing joke and so prompted this verse.

I wore it in the garden
When putting the weeds in order
My wife thought I was skiving
Lost in the Herbatious Border

I wore it to the ‘Royal’
And to our County Show
Everyone admired it
“That must be Saville Row?”

I wore it on last Sunday
When off to church I went
The Vicar nearly fainted
“That can’t be Heaven sent”

I wore it on the train
When I went up to Town
The commuters tried to ignore me
But I could see them frown

I wore it on the combine
Motorists were alarmed
They thought the crop was poisoned
(That’s not the way I farmed)

I wore it to the bank
When I went to fetch the wages
They looked at me ‘old fashioned’
Did I work for Yellow Pages?

I wore it to the match
Down at White Hart Lane
They thought I was the goalie
I won’t wear it there again!

I wore it in the crops
To inspect the rapeseed ears
The agronomist tried to find me
But I had disappeared!

I wore it to the boot sale
Just to have some fun
Was mobbed by all the buyers
They now all want one!

I wore it down to Sizewell
I paddled in the sea
Looked up and down the beach
The only one left was me!

I wore it to go shopping
I always go (as if!)
A shopper mistook me for
A giant bottle of Jif

I wore it to the doctors
My face puffed like a beaver
He took one look at me
Said; “You’ve got Yellow Fever!”

I wore it on the street
Just to prove I can
A telecomms engineer
Mistook me for his van

I wore it to a movie
To give the folks a fright
They didn’t see the film
Because of the reflected light

I wore it to a nursery
To help the children play
I was asked to leave
The children cried all day

I wore it to a wedding
The bride’s mother was in tears
She chased me from the church
With a pair of hedging shears!

I wore it on a date
Instead of a red rose
I went there incognito
Now everybody knows!

I don’t wear it now
I walk around and pout
The suit is in the bin
I have worn it out!

© Baldock Bard

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