The Farmer’s Water Torture!


Torture InstrumentIf you ever want to terrorise a farmer, wait until harvest-time and ask if he’s emptied the rain gauge yet! This year it would have a greater effect than normal as the weather has been inclement at just the wrong time. Too much rain when the ear is ready to be harvested, makes the grain think it’s time to grow and sprouting takes place. This is detrimental to both the value of the crop and the farmer’s health…

“How much rain have you had?”
“Don’t know I’ll take a look!”
I wandered out to the rain gauge,
Down the yard flowed a bubbling brook!

“Holey moley!” I let out a cry,
I couldn’t believe my eyes,
60 centimitres in the gauge,
A dreadful harvest-time surprise.

Wasn’t long before the phone,
With farmers was red hot,
“What you get in your rain gauge?
60 centimetres seems a lot!”

So don’t bother ringing me,
I won’t bother to ring,
Because the effin rain gauge,
Is now in the effin bin!

They say don’t shoot the messenger, but that rain gauge had been asking for it for some time now!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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