The Two Marys

Mowing the strips on a Friday!

I was cutting the rows today (Friday) ready for the Saturday Boot Sale and it was a very hot morning. I was reminded of a couple of buyers from many years ago that everyone called “The Two Marys!’
They were twins, an adorable pair and nobody could tell them apart.They were always jolly and generally a joy to have around and always called themselves The Bloody Marys! 
Not only did they share looks, height and hair colour, being identical, but they were both very much overweight. This they used to its full advantage, carrying out pincer moves on a stall in order to intimidate other buyers into parting the way and sellers into parting with the best bargains for the fewest coins.
I would always know they were about, when I’d hear one shout from the other side of the field: ”Oi Simon! Do you wanna be over six-feet tall? If so, come over here and lay between us and by the time we’ve finished with your skinny ribs between us, you’ll be squashed to well over six feet!”

Then on a very hot summers day we had to call an ambulance.
One of the Mary’s had collapsed onto a stall, the heat had got to her.
The other Mary was inconsolable and both were carted off in the ambulance.
Sadly I never saw either of them again, but whenever the weather is hot in the car boot sale field I think of them.

Have a great weekend
Stay Happy, Stay Lucky and please Stay Well
Simon (aka Baldock Bard)


Have You Got a Bootsale…?


As we finally approach our delayed opening day may I firstly thank all our wonderful customers for their patience.
While wondering what I could scribble this week, I came across a list I’d compiled of questions that people have asked over the years and thought I’d share it…

I’ve seen your advert for a Saturday boot sale in the local paper, do you have a boot sale this Saturday?

We can’t come to the car boot sale this Saturday as we’re going to our daughter’s wedding, can you tell us where our local Sunday sale is held? We live in Brentford.

My wife has a weak bladder. Can we park near to the toilets but up-wind so we can’t smell it?

We came to your boot sale when we were staying with our son and thoroughly enjoyed it. Do you organise any others? The Aberdeen area would be handy as that’s where we live.

Your advert in the paper says the start time is seven o’clock, is this in the morning or evening?

I came as a seller to your boot sale some years ago and my wife spent all our takings at the burger van and neighbouring stalls, can you guarantee that doesn’t happen again?

What time does the boot sale open? It says seven on the website. Is it still open at ten? I like a lie-in on a Saturday morning.

We came to your car boot five weeks ago and it rained. Can you make sure this doesn’t happen again as not only did our stall get wet but my husband caught a cold and was miserable for days.

It says on your website that your car boot is on a Saturday. Is it on Sundays as well?
I want to fill my car full of items for sale. Do you provide tables?

My family are newly vegan, could you make sure we are nowhere near the burger van as last time the smell of frying bacon was too tempting and I discovered my wife sneaking a bacon roll around the back of the toilets.

We are having to bring a young child with us. Do you provide a free crèche?

I am a pensioner. It says free parking and entry for buyers. Is it cheaper for pensioners?

At last week’s boot sale my husband left the car door open. As a result the battery was flat when we came to leave. You jump-started the car from your truck. On Monday he was late to work and had his wages docked because the battery was flat again. As a result he has had to buy a new car battery. Can we have a free stall this week to make up for it?

Do you have a boot sale on a Thursday as that is my day off?

Your website says your season ends in October. Will you be holding any sales in November?

Your website suggests that you already have a burger van and you state you don’t need another. I have a burger van too. Can I bring it along?

Last time we came to your boot sale we had a car full. Unfortunately we had put the table in first and so it was last out and some of our stuff was ruined on the damp grass. Can you make sure this doesn’t happen again, or at least warn people on those mornings when the grass may be damp.

I shall be away for a fortnight in July, can you save me a space?

My aunt used to come to your boot sale every Saturday years ago. Sadly she died and was cremated. Could my sister and I spread her ashes during a car boot sale? Would you be able to provide refreshments for the family? Sandwiches and cake would suffice. We’d be willing to pay for a pitch.

It says free entry for buyers and free parking. Does that extend to sellers as well?

Last week you replied to my text message at 5.06 in the morning, can you please not do this again as it woke my husband up. He’d been on lates at work and had only just got to sleep and was very angry.

I shall be bringing a trailer behind my car. Will there be someone to help me reverse it and set my stall up as it will be early for me and I won’t be properly awake.

When we last came to your boot sale my husband dropped a set of keys. That was three weeks ago, have they been handed in yet?

I belong to a metal detecting club, can I come onto your field on a Sunday? I am willing to share any treasure I find.

Three weeks ago we had a pitch next to Maureen. She and my wife got on very well. It was her first time as well as ours. Is she going to be there on Saturday? If she is, can we have the pitch next door to her again?

Last week a man bought a jacket from our stall for 75p and we agreed to keep it for him while he looked around the rest of the boot sale. He never picked it up so we left it in a cardboard box for him when we drove away. Can you make sure he gets it. He was wearing a green anorak, jeans and brown shoes. I think he was called Dave but could have been Mick.

My wife’s mother died recently and we are clearing out her house. We will be hiring a van locally, planning to return it empty to the hire depot before midday Saturday on our way back home. Will we sell everything or can we leave behind anything we don’t sell? She lived local to you and we’re from Darlington.

I look forward to seeing you soon
Stay Happy, Stay Lucky, Stay Healthy

Best Wishes
Baldock Bard