Behind Closed Doors (one shoe in the gutter)


One shoeI was reading yesterday about a famous couple going through difficulties in their relationship. The article focused on their war of attrition as told by an ‘insider’. I wondered how far warring couples could go before a demilitarized zone fence was built. I was quite surprised at the offensive strategies surrounding the 49th Parallel. This is fiction – do not try this at home, put away the tongue and step away from the argument…

When in an argument Monique held sway,
Something of hers Francois threw away!
First a dress, of which she said, ‘je t’adore,’
Then a favourite shoe flew out of the door!

What he didn’t know, whenever he was mean,
Toilet with his toothbrush she did clean!
This in turn made him run,
To the toilet, (recycling is fun!)

Even the dog would play his part,
When they had guests, a silent fart,
A ‘Muttley’ chuckle when each other blame,
He often played this successful game!

Misty the the cat knew how to play,
Used duvet before litter tray,
So at bedtime a shocking treat,
The first to bed, smeared on their feet!

Last weekend she went too far,
Lobbed the keys to his brand new car.
As a result he was ultra-mean,
Mixed her hair dye, resulted in green!

You’d think no lower could they sink,
She put laxatives in his drink!
He with an eye to get even,
Used chicken stock even though she’s vegan!

But alas this hostility could not last,
With open warfare escalating fast,
When love is prostrate on the floor,
Lawyers queue up to knock on the door!

© Baldock Bard 2014
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