Summer Sports-Day Shock Story!


Every June the media roll out a shock-horror sports-day story involving over-zealous health and safety rules. This year another element has been introduced – the Olympics! A Dunbartonshire school has invited the chief Olympic Starter to start the races so long as he doesn’t use a pistol in case it frightens the children…

We rightly protect children across the land,
But hasn’t it got rather out of hand?
They don’t go to school if there’s a flake of snow,
Might slip and fall on the ice you know.
They mustn’t build a den or climb a tree,
Spin on a roundabout or get a grazed knee.
They mustn’t push, they mustn’t fight,
But they’re allowed to surf the net at night.
The bully tells teachers, “You can’t touch me,”
“My dad will advise a solicitor, no win no fee!”
They’ve now banned a starter starting a race with a gun,
When kids use shoot ‘em up computer games for fun.
‘Elf and Safety rules gone wild,
Bad for parents, bad for child.
If it continues in this way,
Bubble-wrap clothes before they play.
I may be old and set in my ways,
But I’m glad I grew up in the string-vest days!

© Baldock Bard 2012
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