The Cam-Eee-Lyon Sheet!


A Canadian company has developed a ‘Harry Potter’ style invisibility cloak. According to recent press reports, the makers apparently claim that their material renders it’s wearers  invisible by bending light waves around them. A rival firm, Scroggins, Scroggins and Pushpast Ltd have developed a similar product in an invisible workshop near Buntingford in the UK. The ‘Cam-Eee-Lyon Sheet’ (pictured above) projects a similar pattern to its surroundings. Some are calling this breakthrough the answer to all those embarrassing questions such as: ‘how did I get a parking ticket when I only popped into the shop for a minute, why is it that Big Foot is only ever seen in movies and why does the vodka evaporate when Stacey is baby-sitting?’ Your ever-intrepid Bard road-tested this latest invention at a secret location…

I’m an invisible presence hidden from the skies,
You can’t even see me, the perfect disguise!
I walk right amongst you, you can’t even see,
I could be beside you or up that tall tree!

I’m riding a Unicorn right up the high street,
I’m stealing your pizza and that’s no mean feat!
I’ve emptied that bottle of great vintage wine
You think that you finished it at some other time!

I relocate objects just as I please,
My favourite: your glasses and of course your car keys!
At night my inventiveness is abundantly clear,
You huddle under your bedclothes and shiver with fear!

I’ve listened in to gossip you share with your friends
It can’t be un-heard how do I make amends?
You always blame me when I wasn’t even there,
It is simply isn’t possible it’s just so unfair!

You suspect I’m to blame because I’m never around,
It’s created suspicion, rumours abound!
I’ve learnt some home truths I wish I didn’t hear,
I’ve now gone and burnt it – I made it disappear!

© Baldock Bard 2012
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