The Royal Reporter!


Basic PAYEHer Majesty the Queen has been busy on the computer lately. In the guise of HMRC (Her Majesty’s Revenue & Customs) she has completely changed their PAYE (Pay As You Earn) programme. No longer does she require your figures at the end of each tax year, she commands you to send them immediately using RTI (real-time information). Unfortunately Her Majesty decided on using a different format to the one in use up to the end of the last tax year, and this has led to some confusion (certainly for me if not for others). However I am desperately attempting to contort myself so that I can award myself a pat on the back. After a very long morning yesterday, the Queen’s new programme is up and running and I am able to report to her every month. “Arise Sir Baldock?…”

The Queen and I are now quite close,
We no longer communicate by post,
We talk to each other every month,
when I furnish Ma’am with loads of bumpf.
I hope that our figures will always agree,
when she gets to see my PAYE!
Corgis yap around her feet,
as she checks to see if my return is complete!
The Duke mutters loudly “It’s not that hard,
if it can be understood by the Baldock Bard!”

© Baldock Bard 2013
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