The Sunday Papers

Posted on October 6, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I used to religiously buy a Sunday newspaper. Yesterday Mrs Bard went shopping and came back with a free copy. I wondered if anyone was left who had the time to trawl through such a weighty tome. There were three magazines, numerous sections and more inserts than you could count. You’d need a whole row of budgie cages to use up this lot…

I looked at the Sunday papers,
There’s very little news,
An awful lot of filler,
And someone else’s views!

What a mess around the world,
Syria and Iraq,
A murder suspects body,
Found hanging in a park.

Polititian’s U-turns,
That’s no news to us,
There are by-elections coming,
The polls will make a fuss!

Someone’s marriage is over,
Someone’s in the dock,
A Bishop is an adulterer,
Someone’s wife he did defrock!

An actor is now married,
The world’s press were there,
Leading to a question,
Do we really care?

Pages of irrelevant words,
With opinion by the score,
Will the paper become extinct?
It looks like a dinosaur.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October 18^th
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Fine Before Seven Rain after Eleven!

Posted on October 4, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Car boot sales are totally dependent on the weather. Even the slightest shower of rain in this part of the UK will send buyers scurrying for their cars, game over! This season hasn’t been kind on the weather front, when rain has been forecast it has usually been on a Saturday. This has a serious effect on visitors to the sales. At the time of writing it is 05:30 on a Saturday morning, who knows what awaits me down the road…

They’re queuing in a field just east of Baldock,
On a Saturday morning well before seven!
Their vehicles are all full of many surprises,
They’re queuing to attend car boot sale heaven!
The forecasters haven’t done it any sort of justice,
They’re forecasting rain soon after eleven,
Don’t they know that this is Home Counties?
Where it doesn’t rain as much as in Devon!

A Farmer’s Idea of ‘An Evening Out!’

Posted on October 3, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

This time of year, when we are busy cultivating on the farm, it is dark by about 7pm. Worried by the threat of bad weather forecast for next week, I decided to put in a few extra hours. Whilst plodding up and down the field my mind wandered and I came up with this verse…

A local farmer, short and stout,
Told his wife, he was spending, the evening out!
“I’ll be back, but it’ll be late,
You could leave some supper on a plate!”
His wife who was neat and uncommonly kind,
Said to him, “I really don’t mind!”
As she knew there was no other distractor,
The ‘Other Woman’ was his tractor!

Replacement Parts!

Posted on October 2, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I replaced some wearing parts on the plough. These parts, whilst important in helping to turn over the soil, also protect other parts of the plough body. While I was struggling with unhelpful nuts, dropped spanners and missing bolts, I considered what we could do with this technology in humans! I then realized that much of it mirrored modern medical advancements…

A friend of mine has new knees,
He now leaps tall buildings, cars and trees!
I was wondering what I’d replace,
Maybe feet, hands or face!

But I came to a conclusion,
In my case would be no solution,
Like the scarecrow in the Wizzard of Oz
I’d like a new brain, just because…!

The Blame Game!

Posted on October 1, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

How often these days do we hear an aggrieved party lay the blame elsewhere? We live in a society where everything is someone else’s fault and if no person can be found to shoulder the blame, ‘Society’ will do! From the cradle to the grave, we’re all at it…

My grandaughter’s cat,
Is called ‘Min’,
Despite eating well,
She’s still thin!
She spends much time,
Away from the house,
To the detriment,
Of many a mouse.
Sometimes she’s.
A little wild,
“Min did it!”
Says the wailing child…

Despite the cat being nowhere in sight!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Monthly Archives: October 2014

The Sunday Papers

Fine Before Seven Rain after Eleven!

A Farmer’s Idea of ‘An Evening Out!’

Replacement Parts!

The Blame Game!