Not Racing Green!

Posted on February 27, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Many years ago I drove a Citroen. It was bright green, as bright as you could get in the mid-seventies. It may have been a strange colour but you could always find it in a full car park. Recently I saw a rather more expensive car in almost the same colour, it took me back in time…

If I bought a Bentley,
what colour should I have?
Doesn’t want to be garish,
don’t want to look a Chav!
British Racing Green,
is what is suggested,
that is for old men,
recommendation is rejected!

I could go for black,
old fashioned and demure,
or possibly russett brown,
the colour of manure!
Then I saw my choice,
on a Citroen 2cv,
and all at once I knew,
bright green was just for me!

I took it to a bootsale,
parked in a grass pitch (large!)
They thought I had no car,
perfect camouflage!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Trouser Tom!

Posted on January 5, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Many years ago an old man who used to regularly visit our Saturday Car Boot Sales stood next to me and farted. Being polite I took no notice. He admitted later that he had a ‘fart machine’ in his pocket, when the button was pressed the trumpet would sound! It was very realistic and whenever he used it he’d laugh as if were the funniest thing in the world. The other day I had cause to remember him and realised it was at least ten years since I’d seen him. So ‘Trouser Tom’ wherever you are (either ‘up’ or ‘down’ as you used to say), thank’s for the memory, this one’s for you…

I like to fart,
it does not smell,
at least as far,
as I can tell

After beans,
cabbage or sprout,
just lift a cheek,
and one slips out.

So if I fart,
(noise from a zoo),
I’ll look around,
and blame you!

Dedicated to Trouser Tom, a great practical joker with a big laugh, who slipped silently from this world in November 2006 RIP.

Friends Found!

Posted on October 17, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

On September 29^th I wrote about a couple who were emigrating from Bedfordshire to Bournemouth http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=8791 As the days progressed and the last car boot sale of the season drew ever closer I began to panic. Would I find them to let them see the posting? Would they appear out of the blue? Would I ever see them again? They had became a couple that epitomised the friendly face of the Baldock Saturday Boot Sale…

Last Saturday, on the very last sale of the season, there they were! Not only that but after the sale was over they sent an e-mail that out-barded the Bard. So for the first time (hopefully not the last), pray silence for our guest writers of the day, Dawn and Ray (aka the Talls), formerly of Clifton, Beds, soon to be of Bournemouth, Hants…

Each Saturday before dawn breaks
The Baldock Bard cheerily wakes
A hop and a skip to the coffee and toast
Then down to the field to let in the host…
Of sellers who’ve come to dispense of their wares
They look at the weather and utter their prayers.
‘It’s Simon’ they yell, ‘all’s well with the world’,
As they head for the field like the Dervish who whirled.
He stops for a chat with each one he greets
No favourites has he, no time for elites
Once everyone’s settled he’s off on his rounds
To part the good punters from their hard earned pounds.
Please take no offence, we think you’re a smasher
The lord of the manor, the King of his pasture
And as we depart for lands by the sea
Dawn and Ray wish you well, and we will guarantee
That if ever to Baldock we venture to shoot
We’ll spend a few hours at your famous car boot.

From Dawn and Ray aka ‘The Talls’.

Looks Like I’m going to up my game with competition of this standard! Look out Bournemouth, the lovely Dawn and Ray are on their way!

For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Up Before The Lark!

Posted on October 15, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

For the last time this year I am up before the lark on a Saturday morning. My normal ‘Bed By Nine – I’ll Be Fine’ rule was broken last night as I was ploughing into the night in an attempt to finish the field – Big mistake! The bed would’t let me go this morning and I am drinking a bucket of coffee in an attempt to resume normal service…

It’s Saturday morning,
just after five,
for the last time this year,
I’ll dash down the drive.
The alarm woke me up,
with a shriek at four-thirty,
I grabbed another half hour,
it was too early!
My customers await,
for me to open the gate,
all hell will break loose,
if I should be late!
For the last time this year,
to meet on Saturday,
Old friends will meet
“Happy Christmas” they’ll say!

To everyone who has joined us on a Saturday morning, whether in person or spirit, we wish you a very Happy Christmas and look forward to seeing you again next year!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
Last Bootsale this Season – October 15^th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Saturday Friends!

Posted on September 29, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

Somebody once asked what made my car boot sale special. I replied that it was rather like the earth: Without people, the earth would be like just another rock in space – the car boot sale would be just another empty field. Last week a couple told me they were emigrating to the seaside. So I took their picture to add to the vast number I have of people standing beside their cars on Saturday mornings for the last 24 years! It has come as quite a shock as to how little I know about this very nice couple, I don’t even know their names…

Mr and Mrs Tall are moving,
to Bournemouth by the sea,
I don’t like to loose good customers,
especially like she and he.
They’ve been coming to the boot sales,
quite a few times a year,
with their friendly disposition,
we’ve enjoyed their presence here.
Lucky old Bournemouth,
new recipient of your smiles,
perhaps we’ll meet again one day,
it’s not that many miles!

Dedicated to all my wonderful customers, whoever you are or wherever you’re from.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

Keeping Up With The Times!

Posted on August 20, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

One of the signs of advanced years is the inability to keep up with modern trends and advances in lifetime skills. I am fast approaching the day when even changing the channel on the TV will be a challenge! I have tried my best to acquaint myself with modernity but I feel I’m falling behind. At last weeks Saturday car boot sale I let myself down badly…

I was chatting to a stall-holder,
when her daughter let out a great scream,
“There’s one standing beside you,
it’s the coolest that I have seen!”
No matter how hard I looked,
I was standing all alone,
I even adjusted my glasses,
nothing to see on my phone!
“It’s a Dowzee standing beside you,
I saw a Venonat there just now,
There are Pokemon all over this field,
you are so yesterday and how!”
I smiled at her mother,
a quizical smile at that,
returned to my ignorant lifestyle,
and looked for a virtual cat!

I have it on good authority that there are Pokemon’s at the Baldock Saturday Car Boot Sale. I cannot guarantee that they’ll still be there this week or if they’ll buy from your stall, I’m only repeating what I’ve been told! Oh, and apparently, a unicorn was seen a couple of weeks ago, not to mention a couple of elves and Father Christmas on holiday… Good Luck in whatever you’re searching for!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Captured by Dashcam!

Posted on August 13, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

Have you ever invested in technology only to find it has a nasty vindictive streak? Like millions of others, we are proud owners of a dashcam. This cheeky little devil sits attached to the windscreen and records hour upon hour of road just in case you need the evidence for a future insurance claim. However this must-buy recorder has a nasty side…

Last Saturday morning,
just after 4.30,
a desperate phone call,
“you should be alerty,
the gate is still locked,
we’re parked on the road,
can you let us in,
to your bootsale abode?”

I grabbed the car keys,
How could I be late?
I’d forgotten to unlock,
the ‘effin green gate!
Later I remembered,
the camera-stored file,
no escaping my guilt,
until ‘delete’ in a while!

Have a great weekend and if you’re coming to the bootsale rest assured that the gate is well and truly open!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Pushchair Dog!

Posted on July 14, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

I have only seen a dog being pushed around in a pushchair twice. Both times have been at the car boot sale I organise every Saturday, the first time many years ago, the second a more recent occurrence! Whether this has something to do with the sales, the weather or something in the local water, I have no idea. Looking through some old boot sale photos I came across an example of this unique way of boot sale dog walking…

A woman customer that I know,
Had a dog that old did grow!
Off his feet, off his walks,
Barked so loudly when anyone talks.
She always found it quite a hoot,
To take dog in pram to the car boot.
Other dogs begged their owners,
to become dog-pushchair donors!
But most doggy-types refused,
saying simply, “We’re not amused!”

Have a great day and enjoy taking your dog for a walk!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Perfect Plant Carrier!

Posted on July 9, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

I always like to see people leaving our Saturday car boot sale having had a successful morning. People often ask me: “What sells?” I have to answer truthfully: “Anything that somebody else wants!”. Last week I saw a couple leaving having had a successful buy…

Bob and Jill went looking for plants,
(they’re just back from holiday in France!)
Went along to the Baldock Boot Sale,
hoping that their search wouldn’t fail!
“I like these ones!” said an excited Jill,
“but our small car will overfill”,
“Don’t worry!” said Bob (sounding all aloof!),
“You forget we have a folding roof!”

Have a great weekend filled with laughter, sunshine and friends!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

New Month New Weather!

Posted on July 1, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

So July is finally here! Not really sure whether we’ve just had June or October! It must have been one of the wettest Junes on record, I certainly can’t remember such a long spell of such disappointing weather for many years. July can’t possibly be as bad…

Pinch, Punch, the first of the month!
No returns, rabbits and hares.
We’ve had enough rain to last us now,
soaking circuses, sodden fairs!
If the latest forecast shows only showers,
and there’s no sign of rain or hail,
grab the kids jump in the car,
and visit Baldock’s car boot sale!

I know you were expecting something better for my 1,300th blog, but sometimes life is like that! Have a great day, the weekend is just around the corner!

BONUS VERSE! 1,300 blogs away I wrote:
Mary had an electric bill,
couldn’t believe her eyes!
Took a pitch at our bootsale,
now her house seems twice the size!

Still one of my favourites!
Best wishes and an enormous ‘thank you’ to all my readers.
Without you there I wouldn’t be here!
Baldock Bard!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Car Boot Sale Verse

Not Racing Green!

Trouser Tom!

Friends Found!

Up Before The Lark!

Saturday Friends!

Keeping Up With The Times!

Captured by Dashcam!

The Pushchair Dog!

The Perfect Plant Carrier!

New Month New Weather!