Fridge Art!

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Fridge ArtYou can always tell if a household includes an under-nine-year-old. You look at the fridge door/kitchen wall! If there are one or two pictures/scribbles then it is probably a grandchild. If more, along with discreet wax crayon/biro scribbling on the wall, then the house has a talented child whose expression is encouraged to run riot (even if the child is not!). We are enjoying the attentions of our very own ‘Granddaughter Picasso’…

We’ve mini-Picassos on our wall,
(Can’t throw them away, have to keep them all!)
The paint flows from the broad brush strokes,
Onto child, into clothes it soaks!
“Bring more paper, I need more!”
Masterpieces scattered on the floor!
Our poor dog has signed quite a few,
Paw prints coloured green and blue!
At last relief from painted foam,
Her mother’s here to take her home!
The dog collapses into her bed,
It’s then we spot – her coat is red!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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All Crisp and Even!

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Frosty am1There is something utterly magical about a frosty morning. The frost clings to the trees and drives away the slushy wet mud that is a trademark of damp winter mornings. At this time of year we know that worse is yet to come. However if it were summer every day we’d long for winter…

The frost hangs from the willow tree,
A sparkling ball-gown for all to see,
Glass like ice on the puddles below,
Quickly inside to central heating we go!

A bowlful of soup with crusty warm bread,
Mug of hot chocolate before going to bed!
Pull up the duvet, banish the chill,
Up with the heating it’s freezing still…
…until you are woken by the alarm clock and forced out into a cold, dark and bleak farmyard to load a lorry. Winter is here!
Frosty am2© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
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You Can Never Go Back?

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LongstoweToday is my 900th posting and I started to look back. But the more I looked back the more I became convinced that it was a fruitless exercise. However a recent visit to a place that was very much part of my past, triggered memories. I want to tell you about when the past catches up with you…

Many years ago, when I told a friend that I was going back to visit former work colleagues at a farm I used to work on, I was told that you can never go back. So I took the advice and cancelled my planned visit.

Fast-forward thirty-six years and five months to a recent visit.

I went to a meeting to learn about the massive expansion in rules and regulations that is hitting farming right now. The venue was the Village Hall at Longstowe in Cambridgeshire, the very village I had left in 1978. Apart from a cursory look around when my children were small, I hadn’t been near the village since I left the farm.
Around fifty farmers had an instructive walk around part of the farm estate, guided by experts in the new regulations and the present owner. Much had changed, however I did recognise certain fields and that a fence that I had erected had recently been replaced! I spoke to the present owner (son of the owner that I knew), we chatted about certain parts of the farm and then he dropped a bombshell. The man who I had worked closely with all those years ago, Derek, and who I had thought so very old at the time, had only recently died.

Derek was ‘of the village’. He was born, raised and worked there.
His father was Station-Master until Beeching axed the line in the sixties. Once when young, Derek had taken the train to London. He was about to alight at Kings Cross when he saw all the people, decided that crowds were not for him and stayed on the train until he was safely back home.

Derek had a Morris Marina that despite its age had done minimal mileage. This was unsurprising as the furthest it was ever driven was an occasional trip to Gamlingay, a round trip of around twelve miles. Derek would get the car out of the garage and go through an exhaustive list of checks. During this time word would spread and his cousin ‘Wooper’, ‘Chalky’ White and anyone else nearby, would take their places in the car! Derek never complained but was always surprised how quickly word spread!

When my wife and I became engaged, Derek informed me that his mother and father wished to meet my intended. A Saturday morning was chosen and we were shown, like royalty, into the front room. Derek’s mother produced special mid-morning fare, Camp Coffee made with two heaped teaspoons of sugar, condensed milk and Woolworths finest ‘slab’ fruit-cake. We had a wonderful morning that remains as vivid thirty-six years later as it did back then.

Sad to say, after I left, I never saw Derek again. Despite all the friendship shown to a naive youngster, the many lessons and hours of companionship on the farm that this true gentle-man imparted, I just didn’t make the effort because I’d been told ‘you can’t go back’.

On a day when the change in farming could not have been more emphasised, my thoughts were with an ordinary man who taught me so much, not just about farming, but about life.

So, Derek, rest peacefully, i’m so sorry I didn’t make the effort.
If you ever get a chance to go back in time, just do it, you’ll regret it if you don’t.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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Black Friday (on a Thursday in Letchworth!)

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Lidl LWe seem to be growing ever-fonder of American imports. It will only be a matter of time before we too celebrate Thanksgiving! This year Black Friday has arrived in style. It seems that every second e-mail is inviting us to enjoy the sort of discounts that used to be reserved for the January Sales. Yesterday a local town was gridlocked as a discount store re-opened its doors after extension and refurbishment…

Lidl is back in Letchworth!
All roads led to the store.
The welcome back was overwhelming,
Queues stretched to the door!
Santa in the car park,
Bacon rolls for the day,
A Town Crier in full uniform,
Shouting “Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah!”
Despite the packed out aisles,
Grabbing bargains without fail,
Good-humoured staff manned the checkouts,
At the Lidl Grand-Prix sale!
Lidl L2As a farmer it’s good to see this, not only in the pictures, but reflected in the aisles.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
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Husky Voices!

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HuskiesThe other day I came across four bored Huskies in a local market square. It was a mild day and they were suffering from irritable howl syndrome. Their leader spoke for them all…

Four bored huskies,
Waiting on the square,
“Where has our human gone,
Can’t see him anywhere!
We are all rebellious,
Impatient we all grow,
Because the weather is too warm,
No sign of ice or snow!
Just over there,
Is a shop that sells warm bread,
Can’t see a sign,
Of a store that sells a sled!
We are having,
Impatience overload,
May just take this bench
For a run down the road!”

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

 

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Mr Shovel and Mrs Brush!

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Shovel & BrushYesterday I treated myself to a new plastic shovel. The old one was badly worn and as there were only two loads of wheat left to go, I had much shoveling in front of me! What a pleasure it was to use a new implement! It just shows how much excitement is in my life…

When Mr Shovel was shoveling wheat,
He confessed his life was not complete,
What he needed was a lady love,
A sole-mate when no wheat to shove!

I went into the shed next door,
Forgetting a purchase I’d made before,
I was excited with what was there,
A lady broom with purple hair!

Mr Shovel spied the broom,
Pushed me aside, “Give me room!”
And bowing his handle away from me,
Said “Hello Gorgeous, marry me!”

They were wed after a break,
The service conducted by a Tarmac rake!
Who said “do you take this brush for a wife?”
The shovel said, “Do I? You bet your life!”

For quite a few months they swept together,
Clearing the floors and oh! so clever,
Then one day (after romantic mush!),
They gave birth to a dustpan and brush!
…and they lived happily ever after!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Alex Rushmer’s Salted Caramel Chocolate Pot!

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ChocpotA week ago, Mrs Bard and I turned up at the Hole in the Wall restaurant outside Cambridge, home to chef and Masterchef finalist, Alex Rushmer. Unfortunately for us there was no room at the inn. The following week I climbed a hill in Norfolk to get a phone signal and pleaded until, rather like the tiny spacecraft clinging to a comet 4 billion miles away, we were offered a table at the last knockings of this Friday’s lunch service.
I have an apology to make. When choosing the picture for today I realise that by looking very closely, I can see microscopic remains of Alex Rushmer’s Salted Caramel Chocolate Pot clinging to the side of the glass along with a splodge of wasted salted caramel on the plate. The possibly that I may have missed some of this magnificent pudding has caused me a very sleepless night…

I had a nightmare this night past,
I’d left chocolate pudding in my glass,
No matter what implements I used,
Chocolate and caramel to the glass was fused.
I tried to use my index finger,
Alas parts of the chocolate still did linger.
Had I possessed a lizard tongue,
Remaining pudding would have been none.
Had I had more supple knees,
Could have been Tom Cruise with trapeze!
The provided spoon led to this strife,
Wore it down ‘till it resembled a knife!
What I really should have done,
Stop the scraping – order another one!

Our meal was, like the little spacecraft, out of this world.
If you too would like to taste Alex Rushmer’s remarkable food, visit his website http://holeinthewallcambridge.com or book on ring the Hole in the Wall on 01223 812 282

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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On The Beach in November!

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Beach HutsMrs Bard and I went for a walk along the beach this morning. If I were honest I’d probably describe the weather as being on the bracing side. We watched as a dog repeatedly launched himself into the sea while its humans walked in the soft sand and shouted encouragement. But it was the beach huts that caught my attention, their bright colours and different shapes reminded me of seaside trips of my youth: all sand and squash!

When I was young,
A long time ago,
Out of season to the seaside,
My family would go.
We borrowed a cottage,
Not far from the sea,
Complete with shrimp nets,
And thermos for tea!
Out to the sand,
With shovel and rake,
Much hasty digging,
Sandcastles to make!
Back in the beach hut,
A large plastic jug,
Full of warm squash,
And the odd crawling bug!
But most of my memories,
Have melted away,
Along with the ice-lollys,
You can’t get today!
So here’s to the seaside,
It’s not Benidorm,
It’s mostly quite damp,
And not very warm!
but we love it all the same!
Dog on beach© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Disgruntled Local

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Disgruntled LocalYesterday I parked in an exposed car park just behind a windswept beach in North Norfolk. Being November, the beach was almost deserted. After a walk where the cobwebs were blown far away, I returned to the car park to discover a disgruntled local…

My feathers are ruffled,
My temper is raw,
Where are the chips,
You promised before?

You have a warm coat,
I just have feathers,
Patrolling this car park,
In all sorts of weathers!

I was content
‘Till you took it too far,
Have a nice day,
I’ve pooped on your car!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Remembrance – part two

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Burnham MktWhen on holiday do you plan your excursions or just let them happen? This morning Mrs Bard and I turned left (rather than yesterday’s right from Wells next the sea), and drove! Our only wish was to next to a war memorial at 11am, on the 11th day of the 11th month. Upon finding a deserted memorial in Burnham Market with some time to spare we wondered if we’d be part of a solitary vigil, with the residents at a memorial elsewhere. How pleased I was to be so wrong. We joined many people to remember…

At eleven O’clock
On the eleventh day,
of the eleventh month,

We stood in someone else’s town,
At someone else’s memorial,
Joining in someone else’s service,

And with them,
We remembered.

Some stood,
Around the memorial,
Some stood,
In shop doorways,
Some stood,
At a distance,
But all stood,
In silent memory.

Thank you Burnham Market,
Thank you Rev Graham Hitchins (ex Royal Marine),
We will remember them,
We won’t forget.

…and I remembered my son, lost not in war, but in peacetime but always remembered.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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