Loo Roll Blues!


Empty RollHave you ever been caught in a compromising position? You’ve snuck off for some private ‘me-time’ and events transpire to humiliate. The basic idea for the following comes from a friend who happened to witness his trouser-less neighbour through the French Windows (Not a pretty sight by all accounts)! The moral of the story must be: Always check before taking your seat at any performance…

I went to the smallest room in the house,
Concealed magazine, quiet as a mouse!
I sat upon the throne obliquely,
Peace and quiet with Farmers Weekly!

After a while, can’t say how long,
I began to sense something was wrong.
I swore and almost lost control
Not enough paper left on the roll!

Then I remembered some elsewhere,
With legs restricted by underwear,
I hopped like a bunny through the door,
Ended up in a heap upon the floor!

At that moment heard the phone ring,
It wouldn’t stop for anything!
I crawled like a toddler to the phone,
Right by the window to my neighbours home!

I told the call centre I was indisposed,
Didn’t dare say I had no clothes!
At the glass front door just in case,
I quickened my crawl towards the staircase!

Halfway up I entered Hell,
Down the stairs I bounced and fell.
At the bottom my wife shouted ‘What?’
She’d been to fetch loo roll from the shop!

© Baldock Bard 2013
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