We’re sorry there’s no verse today,
It’s down to connection issues,
We have sent the server up to bed,
With some Panadol and tissues!
So we are filled with remorse,
And a little sorrow,
But if we can we’ll try our best,
Be back with you tomorrow!
Baldock Bard
There is something very majestic about geese gently floating down the river. They seem to have few cares in the world and just let life float by. However I am, of course, looking over into my neighbours garden and seeing a perfectly tended lawn without a weed in sight! We all tend to see only the finished product without any of the hard work…
Mr and Mrs Goose and Mr and Mrs Goose,
Are floating down the river.
They don’t seem to care about much,
They’ve got Tesco to deliver!
The Goslings are playing ‘trains’
Just like the ones passing by,
Whisking commuters up to town,
Under a bright blue sky!
But underneath the water,
Are some very large rocks,
These they float right over,
But they can’t ignore the fox!
© Baldock Bard 2013
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I found myself stunned the other day when I saw a student revising in the sunshine. Having just witnessed a group of her peers noisily rushing around the town it came as a shock to see. It is only too easy to adopt a ‘in our day we were different’ attitude, however once the mist clears I seem to remember being part of the rowdy element rather than revising…
She sits in the sun revising,
An unusual sight on the grass,
How much she does will determine,
Whether distinction, credit or pass.
What I wonder awaits her,
In the great wild world out there,
Will she be better off because of revision,
Or rely like so many on welfare?
Will she be saddled by debt for her studies,
And then search in vain for a job,
Forsaken by politics from all parties,
Who concentrate recourses on the yob.
© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
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Mrs Bard has put up with me for thirty-four years! I have never understood what she saw in me but know that I got the better deal. I have been told that she always saw herself marrying a rugby-playing, dark-haired Welshman. How she ended up with a blonde-haired, fool-playing Englishman is a mystery. If you wish you may sing along to the tune: ‘I’m getting married in the morning’, or not…
We got married one bright May morning,
Nineteenth of the month, in seventy-nine!
I was only young then,
not long from my playpen!
But managed to get to the chapel on time!
We went on Honeymoon from docks at Dover,
Took the ferry, crossing was sublime!
I had dirty washing,
to my Bride this was just shocking,
But managed to get to the hotel on time!
Drove right down to the Italian coast then,
Had a friend to stay with, that was fine!
In my ancient Lancia,
we took a great big chance-ia,
But managed to get to Venice on time!
We’ve been married just for thirty-four years,
Even have a grandchild, that is fine!
I would recommend,
that you start off as a friend,
Then you’ll be married a very long time!
Dedicated with thanks and love to Mrs Bard and all our family and friends who have been so supportive during good times and bad.
© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
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There are major drawbacks with living in an old draughty farmhouse. While all your friends gasp at the wonderful wooden beams and rooms filled with what estate agents call ‘character’, you simply long for warm rooms with no draughts and double glazing! Another downside is the attractiveness to small livestock that your period property poses. The little sods arrive, march in through cracks in walls, doors or windows and before you know it you have a plague…
Twenty-five unconfined mice*,
Oh! They’re such fun!
They all ran after the farmer’s wife,
Who threatens her husband with a carving knife,
If he doesn’t shift them she’ll end his life!
Twenty-five bloody mice!
*25 mice killed in seven days with the help of three mouse traps and a jar of peanut butter (The Baldock Bard is still entire but it was a close run thing!)
© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
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Regular readers will know that a fox has killed all our hens. As a farmer I understand a little about nature, just as you get to know a partner after a few years together! I admit being baffled by the behaviour of foxes. Any animal will kill to feed their young, however the fox will kill a hen, remove its head and leave the meat to kill again. As a result we have no hens left on the farm and the farmyard is eerily quiet. Oh! And before anyone tells me about hens – I know they enjoy nothing better than killing and eating baby mice, apart from pecking each other that is! Anyway I digress. The other afternoon I spied an unwelcome visitor and gave chase…
There’s a killer stalking the farm,
And I am on its trail,
If I can get close enough,
I may try to grab its tail!
But if I am a long way off,
Further than I can reach,
I shall use another way,
So a lesson, I can, it teach!
I crept up on it silently,
Then thought. ‘what the hell!’
Had it firmly in my sights,
The damn thing knew as well.
It turned at length and faced me,
It knew the end was nigh,
I framed it in the cross-hairs,
And shot it in the eye!
Now before you get the wrong idea,
And possibly start to moan,
The picture’s on top of this page,
Shot with my i-Phone!
© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
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Have you ever visited somewhere you’ve never been before and discovered a hidden gem? Yesterday I went to a funeral in the small village of Felmersham, north of Bedford. Having left ‘in plenty of time’, I was an hour early for the service. How to kill time when you have relied on the Sat-nav for directions, have no idea what is nearby and you are out of 3G range? I drove in a random direction and came across a little gem, The Cake Shop in Sharnbrook. My stomach leapt with joy…
If I lived in a village called Sharnbrook,
I would weigh at least thirty stone!
Because I would lack the will-power,
to leave all those cakes alone!
I would start with the coffee cake,
(I know how good this can be!)
A Macaroon, would make me swoon,
A Victoria Sponge for tea!
But then the tray of pastries,
Temptation level ten!
And having tried each one,
(and a Chelsea bun!)
I’d have to start again!
Dedicated to the two charming ladies in the Cake Shop, 63 High Street, Sharnbrook, (MK441PB on your satnav!). I would recommend a detour to taste their wonderful cakes!
© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
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The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
www.u-boot.co.uk
A couple of evenings ago there was a stunning rainbow. It was so spectacular that it took a moment before I grabbed my trusty camera. The results were less than worthy until I ran outside into the rain with a ‘too-impressive-to-worry-about-the-camera’ attitude. I was so stunned at the beauty of natures light show that I almost forgot to take any pictures…
“There’s gold at the end of the rainbow!”
My old mother used to say,
There wasn’t much gold
only rain, wet and cold,
With one the other day.
I rushed out with my trust spade,
To see what I could find,
Just a root
and a chickens foot,
That the fox had left behind!
I left the gold for some other fool,
And instead looked on with pleasure,
The colours were bright
in the stormy light,
I knew I’d discovered treasure!
© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
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Twitter: @baldockbard
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Hazel attempting to send a text on the nearest available power tool!
Friend Hazel has lost her phone. Unfortunately its last ringtone was ‘plop’ as it fell into the River Great Ouse. Surprisingly husband Matt (Big Matt, the Handy Handyman), refused to leap into the river to save it from a watery grave. Some have cruelly suggested that her next phone should have Handel’s Water Music as the ringtone or River Deep (mountain high). However all is not lost as the phone has been adopted by a group of fresh-water mussels and is enjoying its new life…
What’s that floating in the river?
Oh look it’s Hazel’s phone!
No more calls it will deliver,
From its watery home!
No more pictures will it send,
It’s battery life is over,
Perhaps it’s looking for a friend?
Or a dogfish that’s called Rover!
It is ‘singing with the fish’,
That Electric Eel’s a shocker!
It is happy in its new home now,
In Davy Joneses Locker!
Big Matt the Handyman is in the West Cambs/North Beds area NOW!
Call 07725 007 454
He may be tall, but no job’s too small!
© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
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I was poking my nose into some local history yesterday when I came across a tale of a mysterious knight that lived long ago. Adding together bits and pieces and making up what I couldn’t discover (like a true historian), I came up with his story. It may be slightly less than authentic, but it sounds good to me…
There once was a kindly knight,
Who was ever so polite,
He’d say to you,
before he ran you through,
“I don’t mean it, much, goodnight!”
One day while riding his horse,
He met a damsel in distress (of course!)
She swooned at his offer,
a lift he did proffer,
Carried her off without sign of force!
She bore him a son and an heir,
With the brightest and reddest ginger hair!
At the time of conception,
he ignored the reception,
So a knave nipped smartish in there!
The king took his knight off to war,
Was the last of him that she saw,
His words in the fight:
“That hurts, Ouch! Goodnight!”
And they buried him near Bangalore!
I bet a wonder you’ve one?
Whatever happened to the son?
He lost the plot,
was called Laugh-a-Lot,
Was the heir with the hair who was fun!
© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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