The Dangers of Unknown Household Geography!


Landing in DaylightRecently Mrs Bard and I went to stay with friends in a beautiful barn conversion. Leading a sheltered life, I had forgotten one of the great disadvantages of staying away from home: unknown household geography. Once when staying in a hotel in France I’d woken in the night and mistaken the wardrobe for the bathroom with near disastrous consequences…

Lying in bed in the early hours
Alcohol filtration sleeping sours
Through muddled brain I find the door
Where the handle is I’m not too sure!
Out on the landing a little light
Was that the bathroom on the right?
Once inside when relief is done
How loud is the flush when it’s just past one!

Dear Father-in-law many years ago
Did from the bathroom into wrong room go
Of the hosts beloved wife it was always said
Never got over becoming three in a bed!
Back on the landing doors there are four
All look the same at half past four!
I did ‘Eenny Meeny Miny Moe’
And into the third I did go!

Luckily for all I was right
Fell into bed and slept all night
So it proves when you stay away
Know where the loo is and you’ll be ok!

© Baldock Bard 2014
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The Baldock Boot Sale is now closed for the winter
returning for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014