The world’s oldest man, Jiroemon Kimura, is 116 years old, and I know how he feels! If we were both entered into a 20 metre stumbling race this morning, he’d win hands down. I’ve got that most inconvenient of malingerer-perfect complaints, I’ve put my back out. Suddenly Ibuprofen and Deep Heat are my new best friends, my world is now lived in constant slow-motion and there is nothing to show for it. All I did was put Granddaughter Bard into her high chair at feeding-time, turn to retrieve the removable tray and was pole-axed for my efforts. Mrs Bard had to step over my prone form to feed baby who, once the first course had been shoveled in, looked down from her perch and laughed at her silly grandfather lying on the floor! I have just read that the world’s oldest man is no longer with us, so the prognosis isn’t great…
The Baldock Bard is helpless,
He’s lying on the floor in pain,
Everyone tries to ignore him,
He’s the elephant in the room once again!
He’s creeping around like a centenarian,
Moaning and groaning as well,
The whole house smells of liniment
Is he moving? No-one can tell!
Mrs Bard is being quite patient,
Although she thinks it’s a farce,
She’s mis-diagnosed the injury,
And says he’s a pain in the a***!
© Baldock Bard 2013
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