The Missing Bracelet!

Posted on July 15, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Have you ever been given something and almost immediately mislaid it? Was the fact that it was missing noticed by the donor? How much trouble were you in? Not as much trouble as I was in yesterday…

My Granddaughter made me a bracelet,
it was tied tight to my wrist,
somewhere during the day,
it fell off and was missed!
I tried to blame the dog,
and the cat we didn’t own,
but I’m in deeper trouble,
so I’m searching all over home.
I tried to calm the situation,
with a bag of bright jelly sweets,
now she’s off the ceiling,
and about to call the police!
Those terrible two’s are with us,
soon it will be the threes,
I wish I could find the bracelet,
before it ruins my knees!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Posing for an Owlie!

Posted on July 14, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

One of the best sights on the farm is to watch a barn owl flying in a meadow. It always seems as if he will fall from the sky any minute as his flight is so slow and almost cumbersome. He also looks most un-aerodynamic. However when he sits on the branch of a tree it is a magnificent sight…

Oh Mr Owl are you as clever as they always say?
Portrayed as the teacher back in the day!
Yet as I watch your awkward flight gait,
I know there are voles awaiting their fate.
So Mr Owl, please sit still for a mo,
pose for an ‘owlie’, then off you can go!

Paperwork!

Posted on July 13, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

As a farmer I am often asked, “…and what are you up to on the farm at the moment?” Expecting an answer of “I be crollicing my turnips, my dear” or similar, delivered in a yokel accent, they seem to be very disappointed when nine-times-out-of-ten the answer is “paperwork!” The truth is that most jobs are similar in many ways…

Some years ago there was a rumour:
‘The paper-less office is here!’
Everyone heaved a sigh of relief,
left the office and had a beer!
Some looked for a solution,
what to do with this now-empty room!
But oldies who’d been there before them,
said “we’ll not be changing too soon!”
Today we’ve got out the paperwork,
condensed and put in a file,
an inspector will come to examine it,
he’ll be reading and looking for a while!
If I was alone in assembling,
I’d probably be banged up for life!
it’s another time I’m so grateful,
I am married to my Farmer’s Wife!

The Two Terriers!

Posted on July 10, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Our two terriers have just had a falling-out. It wasn’t all out war, just handbags in the morning. When it was all over they looked at each other as if to say ‘what was that?’ Sometimes our pets can be frighteningly human…

Our two terriers wouldn’t be apart,
sometimes they quarrel,
sometimes they bark!
Mostly they’re a comfort,
to each other,
in fact they’re like,
sister and brother!

The Cereal Bowl of Life!

Posted on July 9, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning while filling my bowl with cereal, it over-filled and the dogs rejoiced and cleared up the floor. I suddenly realized that my helping was probably greedy and, if needed, I could always have second helping having completed the first. Needless to say, having completed the bowlful the last thing I wanted was a second…

There’s never enough room in the bowl,
for the cereal I want to eat!
There’s never enough time in the day,
for my list of jobs to complete!
It may sound like I’m ungrateful,
a dissatisfied ancient bore,
But at least I’m vertical and breathing,
How could I ask for more?

It’s Thursday again! If you know where they have hidden the rest of the week, please let me know as my list of jobs seems never-ending.

The Field of Blue!

Posted on July 8, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

This year we are growing a field of linseed. The flowers come out in the morning and disappear in the afternoon/evening. This has led to much confusion with passing commuters who find the constant changing scene hard to accept…

I passed this field of blue flowers,
Could have watched the scene for hours!
Then that evening it was green,
Perhaps the strangest thing I have seen!
Then this morning it was blue again,
We’d had a warm night without rain.
So I asked the farmer ‘why?’
The changing scene when I drive by?
And he said “I guess you now know,
That’s just how linseed does grow!”
© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Farmers Last Ride!

Posted on July 7, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I went to the funeral of my cousin and old friend, Roger. The church was packed with standing-room outside the only option for late-comers. A slight shower when we came out of the service reminded us that, to us farmers, rain is an important ingredient in life. Afterwards we all congregated in the empty grain barn to chat and reminisce. However before the funeral, Roger had one last wish…

In back of the old Toyota,
one last chance you see,
for the farmer to look around his crops,
‘A farmer’s always a farmer, he be!’

Down the side of the oats,
across the road to the wheat,
back past the field of beans,
now his tour is complete.

So it’s up to the church for Roger,
where friends are waiting inside,
tears and remembrance a-plenty,
after the farmer’s last ride.

Take care old friend. May your furrow be always straight and the following winds always be warm and fair! BB.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

For The Chop

Posted on July 4, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I like farm machinery, however there is one machine on the farm that I detest – the chainsaw. Luckily my son-in-law, John, has passed all his tests and is competent with a machine that, in the wrong hands, can result in what they now term ‘life-changing injuries’…

I knew a bloke called Andy,
Trees he went to lop,
Didn’t wear protective trousers,
Friends now call him ‘Hop’.

Stay safe out there, and if you’re using a chainsaw, get yourself some protection. £100 for a good pair of protective trousers is a small price to pay.

Rogue Sheep!

Posted on July 3, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday morning I looked out of the window and was shocked to see ewes and lambs. This wasn’t because there were ewes and lambs on an all-arable farm (they belong to another farmer and are grazing our grass), but more because they were in the wrong field heading for the wood! I managed to get most of them in a fenced-off field, opened the adjoining gate to where they should have been, when disaster struck…

Yesterday morning chasing sheep,
only just got up from sleep!
Twelve of them have ‘gone rogue’,
don’t want them near the busy road.
Towards the wood they start to run,
I feel with me they’re poking fun!
Into a neighbouring field called ‘Struthers’,
“I’ll open a gate they’ll join the others!”
The others were grazing until then you see,
I’ve now got fifty joining me!
I look to the skies wave a fist and bark:
“Why did Noah put sheep in the Ark?”

Thanks to David and Charlie, neighbouring farmers with sheep and more importantly – sheepdogs, who helped me return the flock to the field!

Bob Fox’s Weather Vane!

Posted on July 2, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

It is remarkable what you can find for sale at a Bootsale. Sometimes in amongst the clothes, books and tools is a surprise! Last week this was rather more than one buyer bargained for…

Bob went to the bootsale,
looking for a box,
to store stuff in,
came away with a fox!

“That thing stole my chickens!,”
a lady at him screamed,
“Can’t have been this one,
it’s crime you must have dreamed!”

If you’re passing Bob’s house,
look up to the roof,
there’s a mighty car boot fox,
it’s expression all aloof!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Monthly Archives: July 2015