The Old Brown Hare!

Posted on June 10, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

The night before the boot sale I went to check the state of the field after the heavy rain. I counted fourteen hares running about in the car park. One hare lay as still as a stone just watching…

An old brown hare lay in the grass,
As still as still can be,
And all the while without a smile,
Kept his eye on me,

I don’t know where his mate was,
In a grassy lair?
All I know is he watched me,
Wishing I weren’t there!

© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Steak and Chefs!

Posted on June 9, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Have you ever been disappointed by a meal out? Much against her better judgement, Mrs Bard allowed me to take her out for a meal the other night. Once again storms were in the area…

Went out for a meal the other day,
Was faced with a massive bill to pay,
The plates were hot,
The food stone cold,
The steak from a cow,
A hundred years old!

I complained to the waiter,
He didn’t care,
“Go tell the kitchen if you dare.”
I told the chef and he went pale,
“The food’s much better at the car boot sale!”

© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

In Memory of Grandma Rose!

Posted on June 8, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Of all the characters to come to the boot sale over the years, none was more eccentric than Grandma Rose. She didn’t give a fig for how she dressed, behaved or looked. This is for her, wherever she may be…

An old grandma, her name was Rose,
Came to the boot sale to buy her clothes,
She wore orange, red and green,
The weirdest outfits ever seen!

She drove about in her old Morris Minor,
“Wonderful car there’s none finer!”
In town she parked where she wanted to stop,
Right outside her chosen shop!

Her kids were worried to despair,
She’d even taken to purple hair,
Where was her money? She’s never said,
I bet it was in fifties under the bed!

© Baldock Bard
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

The Two Carpenters!

Posted on June 7, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Have you ever delayed household repairs despite the irritation they cause? Mrs Bard had warned me that ultimatum time was nigh. So I called in Alex the carpenter and his apprentice Alfie to cure a pair of doors that needed a kick to open …

Alex is a carpenter,
Alfie gives him a hand,
They came to us to fix a door,
A useful two-man-band!

Alex had tea with milk,
Alfie wanted none,
Alex refused a biscuit,
Alfie a currant bun!

Alfie watched intensely,
Didn’t miss a trick,
Next time I recon he’ll do the job,
He’s certainly not thick!

The door was off its hinges,
Both sides went to the plane,
Bolt-holes lined with grease,
The door put back again!

Now the door shuts with ease,
As smooth as smooth can be,
They tidied up their tools
Refused another tea!

Alfie sat silently,
Not even a monologue,
But there again I suppose,
He’s just a Carpenters dog!

© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 70 70 74

Back to Work (Jubilee pt6)

Posted on June 6, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

There has been a real buzz on the streets during the last four days. Even non-royalists have joined in a nation-wide party that has transcended economic hardship. The importance of having a non-elected head of state has never been so obvious as we are surrounded by the utter incompetence of our elected politicians. No wonder Europe is ‘dans la merde,’ lacking as they do, any sort of continuity in leadership.

Oh! What a weekend,
Oh! What a show!
Now it’s Wednesday,
Back to work we go!

The morning rush-hour,
Didn’t seem so bad,
Still on a high,
From the party we had!

I worked so hard,
It made the boss look!
He didn’t realise,
I was on Facebook!

I posted pictures,
Our street party caper,
Soggy decorations,
Made from soggy paper!

What a shame,
It had to end,
Thank-You Your Majesty,
For a great weekend!

© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

River Launch (Jubilee pt5)

Posted on June 5, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

I spent my Bank Holiday on a friends boat,
I learnt that my I-phone doesn’t ever float,
And oh! Did people laugh and grin,
When I slipped with a splash and fell in!

A stand-in for the queen was saluted,
As boats sailed past some even hooted,
Standing on the bank I shouted ‘Hooray!’
And fell in for a second time that day!

Thankfully the photos will never be seen,
Of me falling in the river in front of the ‘Queen’,
Mrs Bard says I’m really just a pain,
She says There’s no way I’ll boat with her again!
Copyright Baldock Bard 2012

Yesterday’s Bells! (Jubilee pt4)

Posted on June 4, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Watching the thousand boat river procession yesterday I was impressed by the floating bell tower. For me it was so British, it’s naked frame hinting not only at our industrial past but also of a new and exciting future (however I have been known to be wrong in the past!)

Has anyone wondered what they will do,
With the Jubilee Bells now that they’re through?
Will they languish somewhere alone and forgotten?
Until the supports are rusty and rotten.
Will they end up in a government store?
Sold off for scrap in Twenty-Twenty-Four.
Or perhaps they’ll be saved in their open frame,
So on great occasions they’ll ring out again.

Street Party! (Jubilee pt3)

Posted on June 3, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

The other night on the local news, the reporter spoke to two friends who were organizing a street party in Kings Lynn. They had met at the last Jubilee. While some may sneer at these events, they are a wonderful way to forge community spirit and new friendships…

I wish it wasn’t raining,
I wish the sun would shine,
But we’re used to the weather,
And say “it’ll all be fine!”

The street party moves indoors,
To the old church hall,
Hastily erected bunting,
Will most likely fall!

But it doesn’t matter,
We take it in our stride,
It’s all about the people,
That are crammed inside!

Neighbour meeting neighbour,
They haven’t met before,
Mrs Patel meets Mrs Smith,
They live on the very same floor!

Since the last Jubilee,
Many things have changed,
New friendships have been forged
Thank heavens that it rained!

© Baldock Bard
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

At the Boot Sale! (Jubilee pt2)

Posted on June 2, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

What do you do with a full-size cardboard cut-out when it’s drizzling with rain? Simple – you put it in the car along with the famous ‘Rat-nav’!
Made people look,
Made people stare,
Made people think…
That the Queen was there!
© Baldock Bard

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

Jubilee at Baldock! (Jubilee pt1)

Posted on June 2, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

The Jubilee Weekend has started with typical British summer weather – it’s raining crowns and sceptres. However our spirits won’t be dampened, so it’s on with the stiff upper lips and let the celebrations begin…

The Queen will be busy this weekend ,
There will be cheering and playing by bands.
Wherever she goes, a tune that she knows,
Will be played whenever she stands.

She never sees a weed in her garden ,
Or puts out the Royal Wheelie Bin,
She never goes out, for a ‘quick half of stout’
Or eats food that comes from a tin .

One doesn’t do Asda with ‘hubby,’
It’s certainly not royal or serene,
Can you imagine the Duke with a trolley?
“And what shall we have tonight Queen?”

If Her Majesty gets fed up with reigning ,
Or hard times should ever prevail ,
We’d offer her (in exchange for a ‘Sir’?) ,
A pitch at One’s ‘Royal’ car boot sale!
© Baldock Bard