The i-Share Moment!

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VanHave you ever come across a situation that merits your immediate attention? Was your first thought to whip out your mobile phone and stand in the middle of the road to record the scene without thought for your safety or that of passers-by? In the past I’ve been very rude about amateur i-Film news cameramen. I’m now officially a hypocrite…

Outside an ATM,
a security van was wailing,
“Help! Help!
Security Vehicle under attack,
Please call the police!”
in a computer-generated voice.
But you know how vans can be,
when they are hot and thirsty!
I could see nothing wrong,
the sticker on the back said:
‘Police Follow This Van’
So there was no point in calling them,
as they were already there!
I did what anyone would do these days:
took out my i-Phone,
and made an ‘i-saw-it-and-Filmed it!’
It was only afterwards that I thought,
‘What if it was for real?’
And somebody was in the back of the van
Stuffing money into bags marked ‘Swag’,
Whilst wearing a small black mask,
And a striped jersey.
But all I did was continue,
shopping while congratulating myself,
on some amusing footage,
all the while forgetting the time,
when I condemned those who can’t resist,
whipping out their phone to record the moment.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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Fishing Freddie and the Heat!

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Baking BaldockYesterday in Baldock the temperature rose to 32 degrees Centigrade. On a trip to the town I ran into ‘Fishing Freddie’ a retired machinist whose passion is to sit by a lake, rod in hand and grumble. Unfortunately the heat had driven him into the town…

If you meet Fishing Freddie,
be prepared, you must get ready,
everything in his life is bad,
except fishing, it drives you mad!
I mistakenly asked if he were well,
“Bad ankle and back’s giving me hell!”
His biggest moan was about the heat,
Gold star complaining you couldn’t beat.
Only last month he was complaining,
“Bloody weather, always raining!”
Eventually I had to get away,
knew he’d have the final say:
“Down the lake there’s a moratorium,
hotter than a damn crematorium,
never known it before in my life,
better go home, spend time with the wife!”

Enjoy a wonderful day in the sunshine, you never know what tomorrow might bring! 

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
 

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The Gathering!

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GatheringTake a piece of machinery out in public, lift the bonnet, and a gathering of mainly old men will probably occur! The other day I visited a museum where they had a vintage bus. A slight misfire of the engine led to a crowd of men gathered to view the problem, a gathering had been instigated…

The vintage bus ground to a halt,
The driver scratched his head,
all of a sudden a crowd appeared,
not mechanics but experts instead!

“I remember just after the war,”
Bert Briggins told the crew,
“I had the very self same thing,
on the A500 just outside Crewe!”

Johnny Junkins quickly piped up,
“don’t you meant the A525?,
I had an aunt who lived next to that road,
alas she’s no longer alive!”

“I think it could be a con-rod,”
Sam Smith interjected with glee,
“or perhaps just a noisy tappet,
some oil would set the thing free!”

The driver switched off the engine,
and took a look up at the sky,
“I think I’ll make a decision,
mine’s a pint, who’s going to buy?”

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
 

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Beauty and Joy Amongst the Rubble. 

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W&L2I wonder if any of you remember an old black and white photo from years ago of a proud father walking a bride down a rubble-strewn street?
Last Saturday, for the first time in 1,300 posts, I found myself unable to write this blog. It had been one of the worst weeks for news that I had known in my 60 years, culminating in the heartbreaking scenes from Nice, disturbing actions in Turkey and locally, an arrest of a partner for the murder of an author in Royston.
My problem, at 4.30am on Saturday morning, was how to write anything that wasn’t trite or irrelevant. So I wrote nothing and went off down to the car boot sale I run, on a dull, cloudy and unpromising morning.
After a couple of hours, the sun began to poke through the clouds and the world started to look a little better. After a quick chat with customers, much based on the events of the week, I handed over to my son-in-law in order to go home to get ready to go to a wedding.
On the journey, the sun grew brighter and despite the stop start traffic on the M25 motorway, spirits rose.
The sight of friend Wayne, walking his beautiful daughter, Lisa, down the aisle finally banished all clouds from the sky, all troubles were forgotten and happiness prevailed.
Lisa and Matt’s infectious joy and love flooded the wedding, one of the happiest I’ve had the privilege to be invited to. The sun shone, everyone smiled and the sound of laughter filled the air on a truly wonderful Saturday afternoon.

So as I sit here on a beautifully sunny Monday morning, I have to thank Lisa and Matt and their families and friends, for reminding us all that life continues and that there can always be found beauty, joy and hope amongst the rubble of our world.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
 

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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I’m Not An Engineer!

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Pipe RepairIt looked like a simple job. A warning light on the tractor dashboard glowed red along with a buzzer that guaranteed shrilling tinnitus for the next few hours. Unfortunately I hadn’t realised that in the factory, on a clean and brand new tractor, the engineers had an easier and quicker job to install a simple flexible pipe, that on a three-year-old machine that’s dirty, oily and covered up by other parts …

I went to my tractor dealer,
the pipe lay on the counter,
in a clean and pristine condition,
an excellent encounter!
On the journey home,
thought “A speedy job I’ll make,
have it on in half an hour,
in fact ‘a piece of cake!'”
Drove the tractor from the shed,
climbed up upon the rear,
couldn’t see either end,
“not an easy job I fear.”
One hour later I’m fed up,
I view my bloodied hand,
I dropped a vital nut on the floor,
things hadn’t gone as planned!
I need a multi-bending arm,
a finger with a light,
a spanner sewn on my thumb,
a third eye on the right!
I finally finished the ‘piece of cake’
two hours “I need a beer!”
I won’t bother with it again,
I’ll call an engineer!

Note to myself:
Tattoo on arm ‘Don’t Be an idiot – call the boys at Oliver Landpower Luton For JCB Repairs!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
 

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Pushchair Dog!

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Pushchair DogI have only seen a dog being pushed around in a pushchair twice. Both times have been at the car boot sale I organise every Saturday, the first time many years ago, the second a more recent occurrence! Whether this has something to do with the sales, the weather or something in the local water, I have no idea. Looking through some old boot sale photos I came across an example of this unique way of boot sale dog walking…

A woman customer that I know,
Had a dog that old did grow!
Off his feet, off his walks,
Barked so loudly when anyone talks.
She always found it quite a hoot,
To take dog in pram to the car boot.
Other dogs begged their owners,
to become dog-pushchair donors!
But most doggy-types refused,
saying simply, “We’re not amused!”

Have a great day and enjoy taking your dog for a walk!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
 

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Window Moth!

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the MothWe are so  lucky that there are so many wonderful species on this rock that floats in space! Yesterday I realised how ignorant I am when a moth flew into the house from the garden and I had no idea what it was called. This morning when I put in ‘Moth Identifier’ to Google, it was at the top of the first page…

A moth flew into the kitchen,
yesterday morning,
Granddaughter raised a shout,
a rather noisy warning!
I grabbed my i-Phone quick,
as it flew towards the window,
searching on the screen,
as if playing Nintendo!
Finally it flew and landed,
on the kitchen table,
convenient for this rhyme,
as it’s called an Argent Sable!

To some it’s known as Rheumaptera hastata, but it’s too early in the morning to find something that rhymes with ‘hastata’ and I’ve only had a single coffee!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
 

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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What When and How!

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PaperworkToday we have our annual inspection. Passing this examination leads to stickers which are attached to a passport which accompanies every load of grain and pulses that leaves the farm. This assures the end user that we have taken all legislative and ‘best-practice’ steps to safeguard the quality and provenance of that crop, from planting to harvest and every operation in-between. Such an undertaking requires gold-star record-keeping of every operation…

What, When and How,
important words today,
we have our annual inspection,
fail it and we’ll pay.
It’s all about traceability,
to show you’re not a fraud,
alas it doesn’t apply,
to foodstuffs from abroad!

Mrs Bard has been busy,
with my paper-work,
it’s now all in one file,
(I drive her quite beserk!)
They’ll inspect all my records,
the barns and chemical store,
and thanks to Mrs Bard’s patience,
it’ll be alright I’m sure!

Whatever you are doing today may it be successful and may you too get stickers!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
 

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Perfect Plant Carrier!

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PlantsI always like to see people leaving our Saturday car boot sale having had a successful morning. People often ask me: “What sells?” I have to answer truthfully: “Anything that somebody else wants!”. Last week I saw a couple leaving having had a successful buy…

Bob and Jill went looking for plants,
(they’re just back from holiday in France!)
Went along to the Baldock Boot Sale,
hoping that their search wouldn’t fail!
I like these ones!” said an excited Jill,
“but our small car will overfill”,
Don’t worry!” said Bob (sounding all aloof!),
You forget we have a folding roof!

Have a great weekend filled with laughter, sunshine and friends!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale

SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Blackgrass Kills Crop

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Blackgrass threatens wheat

Blackgrass threatens and outgrows wheat

When things go wrong with a crop they are generally highly visible. My father would approach June with a nervousness normally associated with dentistry, just in case Essex farmers, passing on the road to a major show or event, might just spot weeds on his fields! This year, as a result of much rain at key times rendering highly expensive chemicals useless, my wheat is full of a highly-invasive grass weed called ‘Blackgrass’. One field has so much that this morning we are going to spray off and kill the crop, far too early to harvest, in order to attempt to halt the weed’s annual progress…

Watch out Blackgrass here we come,
the Sherriff’s after you with his ‘gun!’
You killed my wheat, stole my yield,
now I’ve got you surrounded in my field.

We’ve driven the crop in the tractor,
made the decision – a harrowing factor.
Despite the loss, not one to be crowed,
At least it can’t be seen from the road!

Sometimes in farming you have to stand up to nature’s bullies.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale

SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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