The Old-Fashioned Toy!

Posted on July 8, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

In a store the other day I watched as a small child manipulated his mother into buying him a ‘soon-to-be-discarded’ expensive toy. The next day I found my granddaughter happily playing in the garden with the cheapest toy money can buy! A quick photo is enough, I hope, to curtail any future demand! However it doesn’t apply to ‘Grandad-spoil-time’…

There’s a toy that always surprises,
Little hands, feet and eyes’es!
Primary colours are nowhere near,
No metallic music can you hear!
It has no wheels, legs or arms,
It’s not found in space, castles or farms!
No spin-off from a TV show,
Buttons, levers, knobs, no no!
No furry badger, hen or fox,
In fact it’s just a cardboard box!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Mr Blue Sky!

Posted on July 7, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Sometimes a sad day can be uplifting. Last Thursday Mrs Bard and I went to a funeral of a fireman. Nigel was a kind, decent, gentle-man and his funeral service reflected these attributes. There were so many people at the crematorium to celebrate his life that we spilled out of the door and down the drive. A poignant moment was the playing of ELO’s ‘Mr Blue Sky’, a most fitting accolade for a man who will be very missed…

Sometimes
Through the cloudy sky
We are shown a glimpse
Of somewhere else

And we are reminded
That maybe
Just maybe
There is something better
Waiting
Just waiting
Elsewhere.

The Revolving Lives of Three Fish!

Posted on July 5, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

A friend has a fish tank. Whenever I visit, my eyes are drawn to the activity in the tank and I wonder what the fish are thinking, if anything. One of them seems to spend much time standing in a small ruin that looks like it was once a stage. The others look on with a sense of incredulity and boredom…

Three goldfish live in a smart fish tank,
Bill and George and ‘Thespian Frank’.
Every day they play on their stage,
Frank plays an actor because of his age!
“Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears!”
He plays Julius Caesar (or so it appears!).
The others look on with that slightly bored look,
They know all the words but have not read the book!
Frank comes to the last word in his Act One,
Bows from the stage and thanks everyone!
As Bill and George shout “Encore”,
They don’t realize they’ve seen it before!
And just in case they may have misheard,
Frank starts again to repeat every word.
And so competes this tale of three topical fish,
You can read it again, (that’s if you wish!)

Cheese Sauce!

Posted on July 4, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Do you know someone who has consistent bad luck? Someone who if at all possible ends up on the wrong train, going to the wrong town, on the wrong day? Kevin (name changed to avoid total embarrassment) has these capabilities…

Kevin took books back to the library,
(He likes to read for hours!)
The librarian said: “you should be home instead,
the computer says these aren’t ours!”

He once went to a party in London,
Drink (a lot) did flow,
On the train back, had a snoring attack,
And woke up cold in the depot!

The other day he ate in a café
Due to work he was very flustered!
Instead of cheese sauce, (on a jacket of course)
He had covered the potato in custard!

Happy Friday (Kevin)!

Eating Greens!

Posted on July 3, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

It’s strange how looking after grandchildren is so very different from looking after your own children. Perhaps I’m not a great role model, but it seems to be a much more relaxed process, one filled with fun rather than instruction…

‘Eat up your greens!’
My mother said,
‘They help to feed
The brains in your head!’

Yesterday I looked after,
My young granddaughter.
I didn’t repeat,
What perhaps I oughta!

We had great fun,
(it’s in the genes!)
And without any nagging,
She ate all her greens!

A Whole Loader-Bucket!

Posted on July 2, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

On my small farm it takes seventeen bucket-loads of my not-so-small JCB loader bucket and about seventeen minutes to load a twenty-nine ton lorry. Recently at a show I saw the mother-of-all-buckets. Using this leviathan would take less than five buckets and about six minutes to load the same lorry. Assuming that Mick, who organizes our haulage, could line up enough lorries, it could only take just over two hours to shift all our harvest (unless you have a hole in your bucket)…

“That’s a whole loada bucket,”
said Liza, the advisor,
“that’s a whole loada bucket,
for loading your wheat!”

“To what can I attach it?”
Said Palmer, the farmer,
to what can I attach it,
to load lorries with wheat.”

“Just buy a big JCB,”
said Liza, the advisor,
“You’ll see that they’re trouble-free
to quickly load wheat!”

The Bargain on the Pavement!

Posted on July 1, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

We are now used to convenience in our lives. Change happens so fast these days that the term ‘Old-Fashioned’ can represent the recent past. The digital book is a case in point. For around six-hundred years – no change. Suddenly obsolescence beckons for the bookshop, bookcase and books and we can carry hundreds of books in our pocket. Is the printed book about to become as relevant to today as the gaslight…

I picked up an analogue paperback,
From a stall outside a shop.
I knew it wasn’t digital,
And sense told me to stop.
I tried to find the button,
So I could open the book,
But it just refused to open,
All I could do was look!
I vaguely remembered opening,
A book some years ago,
And so I concentrated,
Gave it another go.
I grabbed it by the corner,
And parted it with force,
It came apart in my hands,
Was delicate of course!
I Red-Laser-app’d the barcode,
i-Phoned the Kindle Store,
I now have the book in digital,
In my pocket with three hundred more!

Waving At Aircraft!

Posted on June 30, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Have you ever lain on your back on a hot summer’s day, looked up at the sky and wondered where that plane is going? The other day I watched a contrail from the garden. I pointed my phone at the sky and discovered though an app (PF AR) that it was carrying freight from Mineapplois to Stansted. If I was able to do that with my i-phone, how could someone with more resources ‘lose’ an aircraft…

In lay on my back
Looked up to the sky
Watching an aircraft
And wondering why
It leaves a trail
Wherever it’s been
Although sometimes
This cannot be seen

Then I wondered
About that Malaysian plane
Where it could be
Will it be seen again
The news is now silent,
The press have moved on
And nobody knows
Where it has gone

All of those relations
Of the passengers lost
How must they feel
When they count the cost
Of families parted
Never seen again
Because the authorities
Can’t find just one plane

Memories at Offord Lock!

Posted on June 28, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Is there a place you know that forever reminds you of somebody?
Mrs Bard and I were on the River Great Ouse in Cambridgeshire this week. On a narrow-boat the top speed is around 4mph and so there is plenty of ‘thinking time’ as you steer a path that in a car would take minutes, but by boat takes hours. There are also locks to negotiate that can add considerably to journey time. It is one of these locks that will forever remind me of a friend who left us two years ago today.
Marsya and her husband Tony were with us for the weekend and we had to go through Offord Lock on our journey. While we were working the lock, I watched Marsya go over to a small table where there were cakes for sale in aid of charity. I took a couple of snapshots, not professional photographs, just holiday snaps!

This week, travelling through the same small countryside lock, I remembered that insignificant moment (woman buys cakes from table!) and thought of Marsya. Then I trawled through my un-catalogued digital-drawer to find the photos.
I post them this morning for two reasons. Firstly, to remember a great friend, who is sorely missed by all who had the great fortune to meet and know her. Secondly, as a reminder to us all, to enjoy and rejoice at those small insignificant moments when they happen, as they may turn out to be more important than they might seem at the time.
Enjoy a great weekend

Baldock Bard

The Perfect Farm for Me!

Posted on June 27, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I found a very pleasant small farm, and it was on special offer! I was so impressed that I couldn’t resist taking a look around. After a very short while I thought, ‘it’s the perfect farm for me!’…

I’ve found the perfect farm,
It comes in a tin!
The sheep are never out,
They are always in,
The pigs are neither fat,
Nor are they too thin!
One, two three,
It’s the perfect farm for me!

The weather is just right,
The crops always grow,
No sprays or fertilizer,
To muck up the cash flow,
The bank manager’s happy,
to watch profits grow!
One, two three,
It’s the perfect farm for me!

It’s the most perfect farm,
That I’ve ever seen,
On my side of the fence,
The grass is always green,
The only problem,
It is just a dream!
One, two three,
It’s the perfect farm for me!

You too can own the perfect ‘Farm in a tin’, just pop along to an ASPACE store or visit them online. Alternatively you can invest a vast amount of money in a piece of land and watch the worry-lines grow!