Baldock Charter Fair!

Posted on October 5, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning Baldock is back to normal, the 813th annual Charter Fair has moved on overnight. The noise, light and buzz of a travelling fairground has disappeared and the town returns to normality…

Roll Up! Roll Up! It’s the fun of the fair,
Due to recession there are very few there.
All the rides you loved as a child,
Thanks to theme parks they seem tamer than wild.
The shopkeepers complain it takes up the street,
It’s one of those times that make history complete.
It’s only four days in October’s first week,
Used to be animals of which now not a squeak!
This morning it’s vanished just like a dream,
It marks the start of October or so it would seem.
Now I’m a Granddad, I’ll do as I oughta,
And be there in the future along with Granddaughter!
© Baldock Bard 2012
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Grandfather Bard!

Posted on October 4, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

There are many rites of passage in life. Some are un-nerving, some are frightening and some are absolutely fantastic! Having been in at the birth of two children, I thought nothing could ever come close to that emotional roller-coaster ride. Well I was wrong!

This morning I became Grandfather Bard.

Our daughter gave birth to a baby girl by text! Receiving messages at infrequent intervals had me wondering if I should reach for the self-administering tranquilizer gun. I paced the house, drank far too much coffee (with it allied trips for relief) and even trawled the Internet aimlessly (randomly ending up at Pitcairn Island!).

It took a further two hours to learn the weight (7lbs 11oz) and come to terms with this life-changing event. Now it’s off to view for the first time and I can’t wait.

Thank heavens for little girls…

A very proud
Grandfather Bard

A Spot of Painting!

Posted on October 4, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

I’ve always been jealous of DIY champions. You know the type: their partners are always going on about how “Fred laid us a new patio last night!” or “Tom is such a marvel with his hands, he built a pagoda in the garden last weekend, weaved entirely out of trimmings from the strimmer!” To me the worst boast is about those who, according to their other halves, are ‘house Van Goghs’ and paint anything that can’t escape…

I am crap at painting,
I spill it on the floor,
If I attempt to paint the ceiling,
I seem to cover the door!

I thought I’d impress my darling,
(She was out all day),
With a fresh coat in the kitchen,
So she would say: “Wow Hey!”

I covered up the table,
And attempted first the ceiling,
Looking up made me dizzy,
That’s why I tripped, was reeling!

My foot went in the can,
That put paid to that,
What worried most of all,
Was the white stripe on the cat!

I rang up a professional,
I pleaded for him to come,
When she came home he was finishing,
A very successful outcome!

© Baldock Bard 2012
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Sunset over Baldock!

Posted on October 3, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Just occasionally nature gives us such a spectacular light-show that words cannot begin to do it justice. A couple of nights ago I witnessed such a display by accident and quickly snapped away with my i-phone. It was as if nature was reminding us that our artistic efforts are futile when compared to our natural surroundings. Words cannot compete, so I shall use no words…

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Seed Time the Right Time!

Posted on October 2, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Hurrah! Next years crops are in the ground. This may sound like a celebration of nothing, but in farming terms it is most important to get this end of the growing process right and the seed into a fine warm seedbed. You can’t make a silk purse out of a pig’s ear. For once the seedbeds have been near perfect, the weather dry with a sprinkling of rain at just the right time. Lady Luck has been with us…
Late last night when some were in bed,
James brought the drill from the field and said:
“Thank heavens that’s done for another season,
I can now watch the forecasts for a light-hearted reason!”
I looked around the shed where the seed had been,
Just a pile of big bags, empty and clean!
We’re growing Scout and Invicta wheat,
And Gerald oats makes our cropping complete.
Apart from the beans which in the spring we will sow,
We’ll now sit back and watch the crops grow!
© Baldock Bard 2012
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Hazel’s Pristine Audi!

Posted on October 1, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

It’s always exciting when a friend gets a new car! What will they choose? What colour and what level of trim? In some workplaces hierarchy or performance is shown by Fred having an ‘X’ or a ‘LX’, metallic paintwork or plain primary colour. Friend Hazel chose a white Audi (to compliment the sunflowers)…

Hazel drives an Audi,
A very smart company car.
It’s always sparkly clean,
The cleanest car by far!

It’s not considered ‘girly’,
Or manly by a mile.
Husband Matt is fine with that,
Passenger with a smile!

She had a choice of motor,
A Ferrari was too dear!
Her manager suggested:
“Should have had a Kia!”

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th! 
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Baldock’s Last Cowboy!

Posted on September 30, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

On Saturday at the car boot sale I bumped into an old friend I hadn’t seen for ages. Although now stooped with age, his eyes still had that sparkle I’d known fifteen years ago. In an age where youth is increasingly king, this is for all the old codgers and codgerettes out there…

Baldock’s last cowboy (and his hat) roams the mighty plain,
Always after adventure on his silver Zimmer frame.
He once used to ride a horse but it died in sixty-four,
Then he had a bicycle but can’t use it anymore.
He came across two varmints, making trouble down the road,
“You’d better leave, get out of town, before I shift my load!”
They looked at him with pity, “Go back down the park!”
He caught the first across the face, the Zimmer left it’s mark!
His mate creased up with laughter at the thought of his mates scar,
And fell right off the pavement, in front of a passing car!
So if you’re coming into town and trouble is your game,
Baldock’s last cowboy waits for you – No respect will just bring pain!

The Sun rose over the Burger Van!

Posted on September 29, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning I thought I’d see what difference a change of venue would make to the daily verse. So instead of writing in the office I took my trusty MacBook to the boot sale to see what would transpire and inspire. The answer is that I won’t be repeating the experiment anytime soon…

The sun rose over the Burger Van,
The scene was illuminating.
Bob is selling unwanted toys,
He’s in electro-plating!

David has piles of socks,
He’s also selling hats,
Two old dears, been coming years,
Run a rescue home for cats!

The wind blows round the seller’s legs
It blows the bags and more,
It’s all the fault of Baldock folk,
They should learn to shut the door!

But soon the field will empty,
And homeward they’ll all go.
And I’ll be left to tidy up,
This glamorous job – I know!
© Baldock Bard 2012
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The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th! 
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Simply Oat Storage!

Posted on September 28, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Do you have parts of your job that you dislike? Maybe it’s the daily commute, filing your tax return or even putting up with those you work with? This week we have been moving oats around the grain store (to keep them in perfect condition to be worthy of your plate) where they have been stored since harvest in 60 ton bins. This operation involves a fair amount of sweeping, dust and chaff and a large amount of facial sweat behind a full-face dust mask. Most of the time everything goes well. However when things go wrong oats start to overflow over the floor, down into the deep elevator pit, between bins rather than into them or onto us! Fun it is not…
Oats by the bucketful, oats by the tonne,
We’re moving oats and not having fun!
You’d think it was easy, shifting from bin to bin,
But when things go wrong it’s oats we are in!
They fall from conveyors, they fall from height,
They get in our clothes, it’s just not right.
John’s in the bin sweeping oats out,
The dust is so thick you can’t see out!
Just at the moment you think you’ve got them all,
There’s a spillage from above and oats begin to fall!
They’re coming from bin 9 going to bin 4,
Something has happened they’re all over the floor!
Then you discover you’re really in the sh*t,
You look down the hatch they’re in the inspection pit!
Their fall from on high makes misery complete,
By falling down your shirt and ending at your feet!
So next time you’re eating porridge and burn your tongue,
It’s just those playful oats again, having final fun!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th! 
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Baldock’s Unusual Biscuits!

Posted on September 27, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Visit Baldock and see the world! In Chapman’s the Butchers on the High Street is a corner that is forever Jo’burg, Cape Town or Pretoria. Burly ex-pat South-Africans from around the UK can be found trying to stifle a sob as they re-discover groceries from back home. Their biscuit manufacturers are more adventurous in the choice of product names…

Fancy a Tennis?
That would be fun!
Along with tea
Under South African sun!
“Tell me Gerald,
What is the score?”
“The plate will be empty,
If you Eet-Sum-Mor!”
Down in the lane,
All not as it seems.
A travelling bovine,
Munches Romany Creams!
In the spare bathroom,
A smell never stops!
No-one is there,
Must be Ghost Pops!
Chapmans the Butchers
5 High Street Baldock
http://www.chapmansbutchers.com

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
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