You just can’t trust shepherds these days!

Posted on August 16, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

On Tuesday night there was an absolutely spectacular sunset. Using the tried and tested shepherd’s-rhyme I made my plans for Wednesday. Nature’s light-show predicted a dry day, no matter what the forecaster’s said…

“Red sky in the morning, shepherds warning,
Red sky at night, shepherds delight,”
Ha-bloody-ha, that’s not true,
Old country saying, gone askew!

Wednesday morning I tell all,
“Going to be dry here in Clothall,”
Can you imaging: I looked a buffoon,
When it was raining before noon!

I rang a firm to order fuel,
Told Sue that I felt a fool!
She adjusted a line, although rather dire:
“Red in the morning, shepherds hut’s on fire!”

So:
Run shepherd, run shepherd,
Run, run, run.
Here comes Baldock Bard with his
Gun, gun, gun…etc.
With apologies to Flanagan and Allen et al, 1939/1940

© Baldock Bard 2012
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The Harvest Tin!

Posted on August 15, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Most of us try to do our ‘bit’, however small, to help others. Most of the time what we do goes un-noticed, but that’s just the way of the world. This makes those times you are thanked just a little more special. Yesterday morning I had a wonderful surprise…

Yesterday morning by the granary door,
I found a bright tin sat upon the floor,
The contents explained by a note on the lid,
To thank me so much for something I did!
Not being used to quite so much praise,
I opened the lid in rather a daze!
And there inside, to my day make,
An eye watering, beautiful, magnificent cake!
I couldn’t wait to just have a taste,
Despite the tight jeans encircling my waist!
A slice with my coffee, a slice with my lunch,
(I managed to share with the harvesting bunch!)
So thanks to you two for what was under that lid,
You’re welcome anytime, to repeat what you did!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday morning at 7am! 
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Nervous Breakdown!

Posted on August 14, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Any farmer will tell you that the greatest problem with combine harvesters is that they only break down at harvest time! Invariably there is trouble when the forecast warns of rain and you’re desperate to finish a field before the crop gets wet or ruined. Rod, a mechanic with local agricultural engineers Buckles, has been coming to the farm for over 25 years. Cometh the hour, cometh the man…

Before lunch on Sunday the wheels stopped turning,
The combine halted, we could smell burning!
Stiffly clamber down, been too long seated,
Smoke from a bearing that’s overheated!

Undo a pulley on a large lump of steel,
There’s smoldering dust, the danger was real,
Ring the dealer for a brand-new bearing,
The nearest one is Nottingham, cue some swearing!

Monday morning out comes Rod,
Takes one look, “That’s a real sod!”
Rummages around in his John Deere van,
Can he mend it? – Of course he can!
An adjustment with a hammer is no disgrace,
When the bloody thing won’t go back, it’s hard to replace!
Very soon it’s fixed, Rod’s work is done
We’re combining oats and hoping for some sun!
© Baldock Bard 2012

Buckles Engineers at Cromer in Hertfordshire are John Deere agents selling not only agricultural equipment but also grounds-care supplies such as mowers, strimmers etc.
www.jebuckle.co.uk

For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday morning at 7am! 
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Great Games!

Posted on August 13, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

There were those who suggested the country couldn’t afford it. Those who suggested the country was fatally ethnically divided. Those who suggested an embarrassingly low medal haul. They stayed away and their voices of doom were replaced by a massive roar as the Games became a stage of hope, faith and a showcase of all that is Great about Britain. We can, we did and we will…

The party is over,
Clearing up has begun,
The crowd has dispersed,
All the medals are won!

What will I remember,
When time has passed by?
All problems forgotten,
A view through dry eye!

I hope I remember,
That moment of love,
Gemma Gibbons whispered ‘love you,’
To her mother above.

Local girl Pendleton,
Made a heart with her hands.
Tearfully retired,
Thanked all her fans.

That euphoric moment,
When the nation went wild.
Mo Farrah’s double Gold,
Shared with wife and their child.

What of transport chaos?
Empty seats and the weather?
Our national sport – grumbling,
We then pull together!

The tower and the stadium,
Back-drop to the news.
We’re back to a studio,
Blank walls with no views.

And now Monday morning,
Back to life with a sneer.
We emerge from a triumph,
Did it really happen here?

Thanks to Alastair Pawsey and Maxwell Heron for permission to use their photographs

Inspired by the Games!

Posted on August 12, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

‘Inspire a Generation’ has been a wonderful legacy from these Olympic Games. Following on from a group of pensioners who made a short film posted on U-Tube, I decided to try a new sport. While harvesting oats, I looked around the grain store for an idea and my eyes settled on the moisture-testing spear…

The Baldock Bard has been inspired
By the games this year
He’s had a go at Javelin
With a moisture testing spear!

He stepped out from the grain store
And with a wimpy roar
Drew his arm back with all his might
And watched the tester soar!

It flew up over the tractor shed
Its flight was straight not bent
Landed in the heap of oats
And measured fourteen percent!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday morning at 7am! 
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Combine Lights!

Posted on August 11, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

I have a nasty bout of a farmer’s complaint. There are two types; the lesser, WATND (What Are The Neighbours Doing!) where a farmer would go home and leisurely change tomorrows plans and the more serious GGWATNUTN (Good Grief What Are The Neighbours Up To Now!). According to self-diagnosis on the internet the latter can result in ‘illogical decisions with irrational behaviour resulting in panic’ and is caused by August, ripening crops, the threat of rain and combine lights at night…

Combine lights on a neighbouring hill
Enough to make a farmer ill
Racing pulse I feel quite heady
Oh good grief their wheat is ready!

Tomorrow combine without fail
But I’ve got a car boot sale!
Cursing the neighbours I get to bed
Should I be getting ready instead?

I cannot sleep I toss and turn
Thinking will I ever learn?
Had I tested the wheat this morning
Would I still be awake and yawning?

Finally I know there’s nothing to do
What will be will be it’s true
Farmers suffer pre-harvest nights
When they’ve seen the combine lights!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues this morning at 7am! 
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Tunnel Vision!

Posted on August 10, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

In any job there are unpopular tasks that are put off until later. On the farm anything that involves crawling around in the small concrete drying tunnels under the grain store is left until the last minute. When I was down there yesterday I hit my head in the dark. Everyone has been questioning my every word since…

I was down in the tunnel under the grain store,
Mending a slide under bin four.
I looked up suddenly and hit my head,
When I came round a small mouse said:
“Please Mr Farmer may I request,
When down here, you wear a high-vis vest!
And also please I do insist,
You get out now and start harvest!
I know you think me a trifle rude,
But me and my family could do with some food!”
I replied and tried to explain:
“It’s been a wet summer we’ve had much rain.”
The mouse just shrugged in a mouse-like way,
“That’s a poor excuse,” then walked away.
When I crawled back out into the sunlight,
John asked me “was I was feeling alright?”
As I walked away holding my head,
He asked me what down there I’d said,
Over my shoulder on the way to the house,
“I was only chatting to a small hungry mouse!”

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues tomorrow morning at 7am! 
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To The Boats!

Posted on August 9, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Rowing used to be all public schoolboys in blazers and straw boaters, with strawberries, cream and champers on the fourth of June by the banks of the Thames. Following Olympic success the net is widening…

“Inspire a Generation” said Lord Coe
Did he mean learn to row?
It would seem there’s a rush for the boats
Rowing or canoeing anything that floats!

One gold medallist who in a boat did row
Only started rowing four years ago
So if you are fit and feeling keen
You could be in time for Twenty-Sixteen!

There’s nothing like repeated gold
To attract new entrants young and old!

The St Neots Women's Eight training on the River Great Ouse

With many thanks to Max Heron for permission to use his photo from the rowing course at Eton Dorney.

Gathering Pollen!

Posted on August 8, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I attended an interment in a pretty little Staffordshire churchyard. It seemed strange that everyday life hadn’t stopped for those around us…

The vicar intoned some solemn words as we stood around the grave. Heads bowed, umbrella handles firmly gripped, a rag-tag honour-guard for a much-loved wife, mother and friend.
Thoughts and memories skipped noisily between headstones like naughty children obliterating those final words of dust and ashes.
A quick glance at the surrounding countryside revealed a patchwork bedspread of distant crops awaiting harvest.
While here harvest is done.
All the while bumblebees enjoy the flowers of the Buddleia and life continues…

The Pendleton Post Box!

Posted on August 7, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

In a moment of genius the Post Office are gold-painting post boxes in the hometowns of Olympic Champions. The small town of Stotfold, near Baldock, has a new tourist attraction thanks to track cyclist Victoria Pendleton…

They’re over by the postbox
With camera and mobile phone
A famous cyclist comes from here
It’s Victoria Pendleton’s home!

It’s become a tourist attraction
Stotfold’s not had a rush before
It’s got a pleasant water mill
Traction Engines by the score!

If she wins the cycling sprint
There’s bound to be euphoria
Lets hope the gold doesn’t ever fade
For Stotfold’s ‘Queen Victoria’!

Baldock is quite jealous
There’s no-one there to win
The only thing that’s golden
Is a dirty road-salt bin!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday morning at 7am! 
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