Monthly Archives: December 2012

Seasonal Deliveries!

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‘Tis the season to deliver, tra-la-lala-la-lala-la-la!
Up and down the country the Christmas rush to deliver many millions of on-line gifts by Christmas Eve has started. Speaking to a delivery driver yesterday, he told me that after a slow start, things were “hotting up rather quickly!” He also compared this time of year to  a farmer’s harvest with the nightmare scenario of arctic weather. However he soon curtailed our chat with “Gotta rush, wanna be home for tea!”…

My mate Stan has a very big van
A very big van has he!
He says “Goodnight” to his wife in the middle of the night
Off to work by three!

Every parcel is a very fine parcel
An important deliv-ery!
There’s no time to spare when he’s almost there
Stan’s rushing home for tea!

© Baldock Bard 2012
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Charity Cards!

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Have you received your first Christmas card yet? The first card arrived at Bard Manor on the 27th November (see above!). Every year I promise myself that I’ll be organised and send my cards early. Of course the main incentive to post early is the ability to use 2nd class stamps (now 50p each, up from 36p last April, 1st class now 60p). This year I may just succeed due to quality of the cards I am sending…

I went out and bought Christmas cards,
Prompted by friends on the ball.
Their card arrived ten days ago,
I hadn’t thought of cards at all!

Mrs Bard was not amused,
Called my selection ‘so poor’,
I had to recover my precarious position
Had an idea I’d not considered before!

So now I have some really great cards,
From the Herts Air Ambulance folk.
They landed near here in the summer,
Saved the life of a motorcycle bloke.

Their cards have saved my skin and are AVAILABLE NOW at the remarkable good value £3.95 for 10 cards! That’s cheaper than the stamps. Go on, treat yourself! Your friends and family will be so impressed and you’ll be helping keep a vital service in the air.
Herts Air Ambulance is a life-saving local charity. They receive no government funding and deserve our help. Visit their website today and see how you can hep such a worthy cause! http://www.hertsairambulance.uk.com
© Baldock Bard 2012

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Spring Cleaning in December!

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There has been a frenzied bout of sudden spring-cleaning in North Hertfordshire! A lottery ticket worth £63.8 million was outstanding until the deadline at 11pm last night. This morning there is a lonely scrap of paper somewhere in the area that is now worthless. The benefit of all this frantic searching is that many homes are now unusually tidy…

I’ve been through the house
I’ve been through the car
I’ve been through the garage too!
I’m convinced that I bought
A ticket for the draw
And gave that ticket to you!

I’ve found my car’s log-book
I’ve found my MOT
I’ve found the missing keys as well!
The ticket wasn’t here
And if it does appear
I’ll keep it to myself – won’t tell!

We won’t have that massive house
The car will stay the same
The yacht will not be coming too!
If you’ll put up with me
Annoying as I can be
The only win I’ll need is you!

© Baldock Bard 2012
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Early Christmas Card!

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We’ve had a sudden snowfall overnight of about two inches! Where did that come from? (Don’t answer that as I’m well aware that it comes from the sky!) I hadn’t seen a weather forecast for some days and so it was a surprise. Unfortunately it’s not here to stay and so we’ll soon be left with slush, so we might as well appreciate it while it’s here…

Woke up this morning,
What a surprise!
Tons of icing sugar,
Had fallen from the skies!

Two inches of snow,
Covering everything.
The whole world is silent,
No birds around to sing.

No traffic on the road,
Roaring up and down,
Not an aircraft in the sky,
Nothing at all around!

The snow’s a little bit slushy,
The ground underneath isn’t hard.
Thank you Mother Nature,
For your early Christmas Card!
© Baldock Bard 2012
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The Media Event of the Year!

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Please note! Picture posed by cardboard cut-outs that vaguely resemble famous people. Serving Suggestion Only

Just in case you’ve not heard the news – The most important royal event for 30 years has been announced! Whether boy or girl – a guaranteed new heir to the throne! Any responsible parent will have tremendous sympathy for the royal couple as they have been forced to announce the event well before reasonable expectations of an announcement. We can only wish them luck as they face their trial by media, both social and traditional…

The headlines headline
The commentators commentate
It’s a royal pregnancy
For Will and Kate!

All we can do
Is hope and pray
That mother and baby
Will be OK!

In the midst
Of all this fuss
Let’s be grateful
It’s not us!

© Baldock Bard 2012
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A Church by Candlelight!

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On Saturday night our local church held an Advent Carol Service. At a time when apparently religion is on the back-foot and churches are reported as being emptier than before, it was surprising and gratifying to see it full.

Something stirs in the churchyard tonight,
Not ghosts nor ghouls nor anything fright.
Just masses of people climbing the path,
Going to church? Don’t make me laugh!
Inside the church no electric light,
Hundreds of candles burning bright.
The choir sings in harmony with a perfect note,
If they were on ‘X’ Factor they’d get my vote!
There’s been no vicar for over 12 months now,
While the heirachy deliberate, the what, when and how!
I suppose they’ve been busy casting their votes,
Women Bishops? “Nah! We’ll stick with blokes!”
They’re keen on cutting back vicars on the ground,
Administrative centres crowd with desk-bound!
But my one big issue with the church heirachy…
They’ve appointed an Archbishop who’s younger than me!

Meanwhile back in the church the candles still gleam,
There’s no bishop or archdeacon… anywhere to be seen!
© Baldock Bard 2012

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The Fisherman’s Box!

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Have you ever been going somewhere very ordinary, to do something very ordinary and found something very extraordinary? This morning I went down to Baldock to get some cash from the ATM. As the marketplace was taken up by a craft fair I had to park what seemed to be miles away from the bank (Yes, my fitness programme has gone the same way as my diet!). On the pavement at the far end of the High Street (almost opposite Tesco’s) was a display of old wooden Mussel and Prawn boxes. For Baldock (some 100 miles from the sea) this was so random I had to investigate…

I went down to the Baldock Market,
Took the car was nowhere to park it!
On the pavement was a show,
Of fishermen’s boxes from years ago!
You know how in ASDA they have a ‘Greeter’,
Well in Staffy B’s they have a ‘Meeter!’
Freddie welcomes you to his shop,
“Stroke me now! Oh please don’t stop!”
The shop is full of Christmas ideas,
Signs and frames but no reindeers!
Today mince pies and mulled wine,
(Not available when you shop online!).
I bought Mrs Bard a fisherman’s box,
A safer gift than Fort Knox!
If you can’t get to visit them today,
Visit staffybhome.co.uk!

With many thanks to Toni and Hayley (and Freddie too) for the delicious mince pie!
www.staffybhome.co.uk

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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