The Stressful Life of a Goose!

Posted on October 14, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

I was reading an article about stress. It would seem that the more that technology ‘helps’ us cope with life, the more stressed we get. I have to admit, I was a little stressed this morning. As usual I had no idea what I was going to write here, until I went to feed the geese. Problem solved…

Our thirteen geese,
Have never been to Greece!
They’ve never been away for the night!

They don’t know about the Euro,
The Dollar or the Pound,
They just look for food,
Hidden on the ground!

Their life is simple,
Don’t worry ‘bout a pimple!
It doesn’t keep them tossing all night long!

They don’t know about computers,
Mortgages or stocks,
Their only concern,
Is a mean hungry fox!
(and they think that thirteen is a lucky number!)

The Baldock Boot Sale is open at 7am on Saturday
for the last time until April 26^th 2014
When we’ll reopen for our Twenty-second season!!
Still with FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
‘We’ll see you there!”

Goosey Thoughts on a Wet Saturday Morning!

Posted on October 12, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

I’ve been sitting in my car in the darkness of an early and wet Saturday morning on the side of a main road. Due to heavy rain I’ve had to cancel the car boot sale and I’m sitting here in the early morning light turning eager customers away! Every so often a large truck speeds past sending a tsunami of water over the car. So far I’ve turned seven customers away. I wish I were a goose…

I wish I were a goose,
Floating down the river,
Thinking lots of goosey thoughts,
Through the water sliver.
I wouldn’t care if it’s raining,
Wouldn’t need a hat or coat!
I enjoy all sorts of food,
But salad floats my boat!
If I were a goose,
I’d be elsewhere today,
But the way my luck is going,
I’d end up as pâté!

The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
Twenty-one years and still selling!
FREE parking and entry for all buyers, princesses, dogs and aliens!
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

Bunce the Cat and the Temporary Feeder!

Posted on October 11, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

My daughter and family are on holiday and I have been left in charge! My major responsibility is the care of their cat, Bunce. Thank heavens he can’t report back as I’d be in trouble. However he voices his disappointment just by glancing at me. I know when I’m in trouble and this time it’s deep…

I’m looking after Bunce the cat,
I’m not sure what he thinks of that,
He’s always home at feeding time,
If I am late I’ve committed a crime!
He goes to ‘work’ every day,
When lesser cats just want to play.
He patrols the farm grain store,
Mice aren’t seen there anymore!
But when the tin is opened at night,
He purrs so loudly, all is right!
Then with stealth he’s through your feet,
And hides in a bedroom for a good nights sleep!

‘Bunce’ is named after the makers of our snowplough as he was rescued in a blizzard from a house where he was unloved and un-cared for. At some point he had an altercation with a car and so has a rather strange look about him. However he is now full of purrs and leading a very contented life (except when under the jurisdiction of the ‘Temporary Feeder’).

The Understandable Misunderstanding!

Posted on October 10, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Last week I had to carry out an important task after a field had been sown with wheat. I had to mark out a footpath. Until the wheat breaks the surface we do this on the bare earth by driving across the field so the wheel-marks denote the footpath. Unfortunately to casual observers this can create an understandable misunderstanding…

A concerned friend was on the phone:
“Are you anywhere near your home?”
When I said ‘no’ he did yield:
“There’s a 4×4 driving on your field!
Now it’s stopped by the track,
I wonder if it is going back?”
I said ‘thanks, I will go and see,’
Didn’t let on that it was me!

The March of the Chocolate Santas!

Posted on October 9, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

While shopping with Mrs Bard yesterday I came across a row of chocolate Santas. Given that it is early October and we have yet to sample the delights of Halloween, I wondered if it wasn’t a trifle early for them to be seen in such numbers…

A row of chocolate Santas
lined up on the shelf
What are they looking for?
Maybe a chocolate elf?

Their sleighs seem to be missing,
There’s little sign of toys,
Will they be ready,
For all the girls and boys?

It’s only early October,
76 days to go,
We haven’t had a frost yet,
Not a sign of snow!

Every year it’s earlier,
No berries on the bough,
The Christmas rush has started,
Buy your chocolate Santas now!

Stan and the Big Yellow Dinosaur!

Posted on October 8, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I sat in a queue of motorists caused by some major roadworks. I have always been fascinated by the primeval actions of those giant diggers you see in such places. Having occasionally driven one of their smaller brothers, I remain amazed how, even at my very basic level of operator skill, the digging arm becomes an extension of the operators body and thoughts. However watch a professional and the machine comes alive…

Stan drives a big yellow dinosaur
They dig by the side of the road
Lorries queue behind them
Ready to receive a load

He’s an operator on autopilot
His mind is mostly elsewhere
He daydreams of far off countries
Giant machines live there!

They sit together at lunchtime
Packed-lunch is wrapped in foil
Eat fancy thick-grease sandwiches
And drink hydraulic oil!

One day he’ll just go feral
Take off with his machine and roam
They’ll rip their way through the forest
In search of their natural home!

‘Lilo’ The New Puppy!

Posted on October 7, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Some friends came to stay for the weekend and not only brought their two children and their dog, but also a new puppy. Once the dogs had settled into a temporary pack, they behaved better than either the adults or the children! But Milo (nicknamed ‘Lilo’) was the star of the show…

Milo lies,
Feet in the air,
Say’s “rub my tummy,”
Oh, yes, right there!

Around the garden,
To and fro,
Legs sometimes fail,
And over he go!

No ‘parcels’ left
On the floor,
Only water splashed,
Where he drinks once more!

He seeks forgiveness
For all he’s done,
“I’m really sorry,
Forgive me mum!”

He’s only little,
Easy to train,
But we all say:
He can come again!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above  

The Joys of Grandfatherhood!

Posted on October 5, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Yet again the eyes of a nation are focused on a case of child abuse so horrific and abhorrent that it is hard to believe. Yesterday my granddaughter was one. I almost feel a sense of guilt for enjoying the joy she brings. If you are lucky enough to have a little one, give them an extra hug today to let them know how very special they are…

There’s a little Google-eyed Bug,
That lives nearby,
Had a birthday yesterday!
She’s got some teeth,
And a wonderful smile,
But no words does she say!

There’s very something special,
About a grandchild,
Brings most men to their knees,
They’ll crawl around the carpet,
Doing anything to please!

So Happy Birthday Google-eyed Bug,
I wish you many many more,
And while my knees are true,
I’ll still join you,
Playing with toys on the floor!

That Time of Year in Baldock Again!

Posted on October 4, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

If you’re thinking of driving through Baldock today you’d better breathe in! The normally spacious High Street with its grassed piazzas and large car park has vanished. Even the market stalls have been pushed up to huddle next the Town Hall like three old ladies on a seafront in February. The Charter Fair has arrived in town. Love it or hate it you have to admire the resilience of the showmen who have fared worse than most in these difficult times…

I saw Thomas by the ‘Teacups’,
We exchanged a word maybe three,
He’d been setting up since daybreak,
He looked up at the sky with a plea:

“Please may it not rain tonight,
Please may it stay dry all week,
Because if it is raining,
Despite all my training,
Takings will be harder to seek!”

Naturally I was sympathetic,
The forecast was not bad today,
I crossed my fingers for his fair ride,
And the others for me, Saturday!

Running On Empty!

Posted on October 3, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

It’s National Poetry Day, a day when we celebrate one of the few arts that is almost invisible to the vast majority! Some years ago I mistakenly sent a poem to a national competition. It sank without trace! The following year I was a little more successful, until one year I was runner-up in the local round of a national competition. Unfortunately I was beaten into second place by a seven-year-old girl – Oh the indignity of losing to a verse about a pet hamster! The verse wot I rote has been lost to the mists of time. So to celebrate such an important day I bring you another of my loss leaders…

‘NEXT SERVICES 15 MILES’
Sign passed at speed
Low fuel warning light demands attention
Gauge reading ‘Empty’
Ponder important questions
Cut speed in effort to add miles?
Or increase speed to reach fuel quicker?
Did I renew breakdown insurance?
Do they sell petrol cans at filling stations?
Will I be fuel-less in mobile phone blackspot?
Do I leave motorway and search unknown towns for fuel?
Do I risk running out on side road?
Switch on radio
Pray for traffic report not to mention heavy traffic ahead
Catch traffic report closing jingle
Switch off radio
Traffic increasing
Contra-flow starts
Herd of heavy lorries ahead crawling up Everest sized hill
Can feel fuel lines sucking every last drop
‘SERVICES 1 MILE’
Pat pocket for wallet
Countdown to exit begins
///
//
/
Not far now
Drive round endless loop road to reach fuel pumps
Past Car Park
Past Coach Park
Past HCV Parking
At last!
The pumps
Pull up beside pump number 3
Stop engine
Relief
Fill car
Enter shop
Fill basket with drinks, sweets, sandwiches
Two magazines I’d not normally buy
And petrol can!
Pay £76.28 for petrol
£29.85 for other goods
Drive away
Rejoin motorway
Pass man walking on hard shoulder with can
“Silly Sod!”