Two Very Different Displays!

Posted on September 9, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Sellers at the boot sale have many different styles of display. Some ‘Chuck-it and Luck-it’ and others take so much time over an immaculate display that you wonder if they’ll get it done before the end of the sale! This week we had two great examples, both successful in their own way. I’ll leave it up to you to choose…

They’re as keen as mustard at the boot sale,
Someone’s turned up with a truck,
Buyers all over him like house-flies,
He just can’t believe all his luck!
“How much is this?” they’re all shouting,
“What do you want for that?”
I enquire if he wants some assistance,
He shrugs and continues to chat!
Over in the corner a couple,
Have erected a screen for the wind,
They’re carefully placing possessions,
When hurry is suggested they grinned!
A crowd gathered by to watch them,
There was even a space for a broom!
When they finished the crowd applauded,
On the field they’d created a room!

The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
Twenty-one years and still selling!
FREE parking and entry for all buyers, princesses, dogs and aliens!
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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We Have Bean Away!

Posted on September 7, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

In most years we store nearly all the crops in the barn until the co-operative (Fengrain) has sold them. This year everything seems to be topsy-turvy! We seemed to have harvested all the crops in the wrong order and now we are loading beans which is normally a winter job! The lorry driver commented, “last year when I collected beans it was -10 degrees, this year it’s touching +30!”…

Out of the bin,
roll the beans,
rattle into the conveyor.
Then along towards,
the elevator,
in a rolling bean-filled layer!
Up they rise,
to the top,
of the shed until the spout!
Where all at once,
gravity takes hold,
and with a fairground-rush they’re out!
Down into the truck,
with a mighty roar,
that deafens all who’re near.
Until the siren,
screams “LORRY FULL,
that’s thirty tonnes, yer hear!”
All that’s left,
is to roll over the sheet,
to protect the valuable load.
Oh! And then the paperwork,
bloody paperwork,
and then they’re off the farm by road!

Nature’s Cable Car!

Posted on September 6, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

The Vanoise Express cable car in the French Alps is 1,824 metres long and was opened in December 2003 at a cost of €15m. It links the ski resorts of La Plagne and Les Arcs. It has two decks and can carry up to 200 people. The two units operate independently and have spare engines…

Phaah!
The efforts of man!
So often,
overshadowed,
by the effortless,
construction,
found in nature!
Yesterday morning,
on my way to open the gate,
I discovered a cable,
erected by an unknown spider.
There was no cost overrun,
and it was,
completed on time!
It stretched over five metres,
from a nettle,
high up on the bank,
across the track,
to the far hedge.
Which in spider terms,
is a far greater achievement,
than man could ever accomplish,
let alone,
without tools!

The Last Day of Summer!

Posted on September 5, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning has been called ‘Summer’s Final Hurrah!’ by some weather-men and journalists. Apparently from this day forth it’s all downhill to freezing temperatures and thick snow! However we have to get past thick fog followed by 30 degrees first…

The forecasters predict,
Today’s the last day of summer,
The schools have started back,
(For kids that’s a bummer!).
The temperature’s predicted,
To reach up to thirty,
The last day of dust,
To make farmers dirty!
I look out of the window,
At six in the morning,
There is thick fog,
For motorists a warning.
I thank lucky stars,
That I don’t commute,
Up to the city,
In a tie and a suit!
So if you’re in the fog,
Please drive with care,
Best arrive late,
Than never get there!

The Lifter – then and now!

Posted on September 4, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Many years ago, when I was a child, wheat was stored on the farm in sacks. When the crop was sold to a merchant, a flatbed lorry used to arrive to collect the sacks. The sacks would be brought out from the barn on a sack barrow and dropped onto a frame that had been attached to the side of the lorry. This would then be lifted with hydraulics and the sack would be raised to the shoulder-height of the man waiting to receive them. He would then stack ten tons worth of them, sheet them up, rope them using a lorry-driver’s half-hitch knot and leave for a local mill. This morning I was reminded of this machine when I saw a very clever attachment on a coach…

I was in the town,
When I saw a sight,
I’d not seen for many a year.
An arm came out,
from the side of a coach,
and lifted pensioners clear.
Up they went,
in a stately lift,
Until they were level with the door.
And then they could walk,
on the level so to speak,
not need to climb any more!
And I remembered,
a scene from my youth,
loading sacks of wheat.
The principle from then,
Is used today,
to get pensioners to their seat!

It just goes to show,
the simplest of ideas,
are often worth reinventing!
© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 

Picture of sack lifter from commercialmotor.com

Baldock in the Sunshine!

Posted on September 3, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

A few years ago, Baldock went all Mediterranean. The councilors decided to make large grass areas on one side of the High Street. At the time I suggested that they had enjoyed one holiday in a foreign clime too many. I can now admit I was wrong. This summer has witnessed large numbers sitting outside the many cafes enjoying the sun. Whether it was a cost-effective idea I cannot say, but it certainly has helped bring life where other high streets are deserted…

They’re sitting outside the café,
It’s as if they’ve all gone abroad,
The children are playing on the mown grass,
Not a hit or sign of being bored!
Mothers are meeting and chatting,
Granddad’s ordered a scone!
His false teeth have stuck to the cream,
Waitress smiles and simply moves on!
Pushchairs clutter the pavement,
From them emerge two small feet,
There’s rejuvenation happening in Baldock,
In the sunshine on the High Street!

A Surprise on the Menu!

Posted on September 2, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

On Sunday evening Mrs Bard and I went out to the Allimentum restaurant in Cambridge for their Sunday Supper Club. Mark Pointon, the Head Chef, likes to tease and surprise with his novel dishes and try out new ideas on customers on a Sunday evening once a month. However this time I was in for more than a culinary surprise. Just as we were called to our tables a fellow-diner who we’d not seen for over twenty years approached us!
Bryan and I went to college together to study agriculture, nearly forty years ago. That we met in Cambridge is not that remarkable, however the fact that Mrs B and I had been discussing him and what he might possibly be up to, not ten minutes before, as we drove to the restaurant, is beyond coincidence.
The last time we met he was selling teak garden furniture at an agricultural show. I clearly remember at the time thinking that his talents were being wasted. You see, Bryan has always been a ‘fixer’. At college it was obvious that his talents lay in organising, therefore to find him selling garden furniture had been incongruous to say the least!
I am pleased to be able to say that he has, very successfully by the look of it, found his niche in life as an organiser of world-wide corporate golf.
As I am used to looking in the mirror every morning at a face that resembles a bag of spanners, it is with a small portion of ‘Les yeux vert’ that he has aged so well.
For someone who dreads any form or reunion, it was great to catch up with him, once I’d recovered from the shock!
Oh! I nearly forgot, amongst all the excitement, the food was so good I almost licked the plate…

To enjoy Bryan’s organisational skills for your corporate golfing event go to http://www.golffish.co.uk

To enjoy Mark Pointon’s exceptional food at the Michelin-starred Allimentum go to http://www.restaurantalimentum.co.uk

Harvest Home!

Posted on August 31, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

We finished harvest yesterday just before lunchtime. By two o’clock were sitting in Cambridge crematorium to say goodbye and celebrate the life of Mike Windsor. As I sat there I realised that two harvests had been completed. Mike had been a gentle man, in all senses of the description. He was a ‘welcomer’: wherever he was , whatever he was doing, whoever he was with, he’d greet you with enthusiasm. I’m not going to go all holy, but if there is another room, one of the many people I would hope to see there would be Mike. Harvest is done…

The fields are dustless and silent,
The combine harvester’s not there,
The crops are safely in the barn,
Thoughts now turn elsewhere.

Rows of silent mourners,
Under that sad-place’s dome,
Where people also gather,
To celebrate “harvest home”.

Beans and Bindweed!

Posted on August 30, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Last night I had hoped to finish harvest. However at 10.30 the combine rolled back to the farm, mission unaccomplished. There was a patch of beans that was covered in bindweed. This is a weed from the past, it used to dramatically slow down the combine’s progress through wheat until a chemical was found to consign it to the history books. It is now only occasionally found in beans, and we found it last night…

Beans,
Beans,
Good for the heart!
Bindweed stops you,
Before you start!
If the sun shines,
Brightly today,
Then we’ll bean finished!
Hip! Hip! Hooray!
I wish to apologise for the quality of this morning’s verse, complaints can be sent to: Dept of Poor Quality Verse, London SW1 6GAG!

When I was a lad…!

Posted on August 29, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

“When I was a lad!” How I used to hate that phrase when I was young, as it always preceded a rant by some old fart about how the summers were warmer, the sky was bluer etc. ad nauseam. Now I am an old fart myself I have found myself wanting to do just that, so here goes…

When I was a lad…
harvest would take a fortnight,
three weeks if wet.
Alan Hughes would bring his combine,
a Massey Harris 780 special,
with an eight foot cut.
It traveled at a funereal pace,
so much so
that it was often
overtaken by a narcoleptic snail!
At around seven in the evening,
before he went home,
he would drink
a small bottle,
of cider (he didn’t like beer!)
to ‘lay the dust’!
The trailer would bring a ton,
of wheat to the farm
at a time,
which would be stored in bags.

This year, wheat and oat harvest
has taken just
twenty-four hours,
and beans eight hours
(so far, with another two hours to go!)
James brings his combine,
a John Deere 9780 CTS
with a twenty-four foot cut.
A decent jog is required
to keep up
with its forward progress
through the crop.
At around midnight
(or later if rain threatens)
the powerful floodlights,
return the surroundings to darkness,
and with a wave
James goes home..
The trailer brings seventeen tons,
up to the store,
and with a hiss of air brakes,
dumps the load
at the doorstep of my domain,
and dashes back for more,
leaving me to ‘cheat-shovel’
with the JCB bucket,
until it has disappeared
into the shed!
That is called ‘progress’!