The Hidden English Garden!

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IMG_0098Sometimes in life you are lucky to come across a view that takes your breath away. It may be a sunset, a painting in a gallery, a photograph in a magazine or even a small baby asleep! The other day I was walking through a beautiful Cambridgeshire village, bemoaning the fact that most of the gardens had impenetrable high walls, when I came across an open door. Whether the glimpse into forbidden territory made it more special, I couldn’t say, but there lay a beautiful garden. As a disinterested gardener I was most surprised at my reaction, maybe it’s old age…

I was walking through a village,
A chocolate-box cover sort of place!
When I came across an open door,
That made my old heart start to race!
Now Americans might have ‘a back yard’
And others may not seem to care,
But to sneak a peak into a garden here,
Is something special that hits you there!
I couldn’t name the flowers,
The weeds I’d probably pardon!
But it’s true I love the view,
Of a hidden English garden!
IMG_0099With gracious thanks to the owner for leaving the door open thus allowing me to peek into their truly beautiful hidden world.

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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A Close Shave on the Terror Wheel

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Sun Fairground rideLast year I was staying in St Neots over the Jubillee Weekend. Now I have been described in the past as ‘a bit of a wimp’ when it comes to fairground rides. Following many days spent on Health and Safety courses, and many hours spent hunched over risk assessments, I now see danger at every turn. However I was challenged in an “I’ll go on it if you will” way by friend Hazel (Backroom powerhouse of Big Matt the Handyman – ‘No Job Too Small’ and drowner of mobile phones! http://bit.ly/ZK9Zwo ). I don’t know what your childhood memories are like, but my hazy recollections include many such moments along, at times, with the consequences of wimping out. So it was only 365 days ago last Sunday that Hazel and I found ourselves in what can only be described as a giant washing machine drum (on a short rinse thanks to the non-stop rain!)…

The wheel at the fair goes round and round
We’re off the ground
Spinning round
The wheel on the ride goes up and down
At St Neots Jubilee Fair!

363 Days Later…

The wheel at the fair came tumbling down,
They’re on the ground,
No longer spinning around
The wheel on the ride came tumbling down,
At St Neots Fair day!

With best wishes for a speedy recovery to the eleven people injured at the St Neots fair last Friday.
Picture: Thanks to the Sun.
© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
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The Council’s Vultures (that we love to hate!)

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Baldock Traffic WardensRecently there has been a news story about over-zealous traffic wardens issuing parking tickets in Warley, West Midlands. The article was headed: ‘March of the Little Hitlers’ and reported that traffic wardens had targeted a group of little old ladies outside a church. While I only know the reported facts that may or may not be perfectly true (and who am I to question the unbiased reporting of AN Wilson in the Daily Mail?), I only know what I have witnessed in Baldock…

They walk in pairs down the street,
Fluorescent-wearing twins,
Looking for miscreant parkers,
To punish for their sins!

There once was a Baldock warden,
Before targets were the norm,
Would enquire in the shop whose car it was,
“Please hurry,” she used to warn.

But now they bus them into town,
Vultures after prey,
Plaster tickets around the town,
Driving shoppers far away.

I know they have a job to do,
Encouraged by the liberal elite,
It’s important to clear the narrow roads,
But not our wide High Street!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Eric and Alice Recreate Their Youth with Two Wheels!

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Park CyclingYesterday I watched a retired couple cycle through a local park. Bradley Wiggins and Victoria Pendleton they weren’t, but if this is ‘Legacy from the Games’ I’m all for it! I can only hope that if I reach retirement age (whatever age that’ll be by the time my turn arrives) I can enjoy being as active. I must get down to the gym and try my hand at spinning and follow my friend Alastair’s example (although not the 105 miles London Revolution he cycled the other weekend!)…

Eric and Alice are just retired,
They’ve got an adequate pension,
They think it’s great,
To recreate,
Days further off than they mention!

Back then they courted on two wheels,
In those days few had a car,
On Eric’s racer,
He would chase her!
She would let him catch her (say aaah!).

Last week they bought two new bikes,
They take their time as they can,
They don’t go far,
Before finding a bar,
Alice still being chased by her man!

They like to cycle through the park,
Sometimes they’re similarly attired,
You could say,
As I saw them yesterday,
That they’ve both become re-tyred!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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You’re Safer Ordering the Giant Hot Dog!

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Hot DogOrdering food can be tricky when you don’t know what you want. One minute you fancy something simple but once you look at the menu you suddenly realize that the first idea is like an entrée and you’re lining up an eat-a-thon! The big problem for me is that I like food, it’s as simple as that. No need for expensive hours in therapy, gabbing away on a couch trying to reach my inner soul. I’m only too aware of where it is, it’s trying to break out above my belt-line…

I ate a giant hot dog,
Nothing could compare,
Except a unicorn burger,
That I once had at a fair!

It was kind of sparkley,
And tasted oh, so so,
I’d never eaten unicorn before,
So I guess I wouldn’t know.

So if you buy a burger,
And you find a rainbow hair,
Swop it for a hot dog,
Because unicorn is rare!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Percy the Owl

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Percy the OwlAs part of our certification process to ensure quality and traceability of our crops we have to ensure that any storage area is vermin-free. When I was a boy on the farm we kept pigs in open-fronted sheds, as a result there were swarms of sparrows and starlings. Fast-forward over forty years and numbers are depleted to just a handful to be seen around the buildings. It has always been a challenge to keep sparrows away from grain in a shed until we enlisted the help of an owl called Percy…

We have an owl called Percy that lives in our shed,
His effect on sparrows – fantastic!
What they don’t know,
‘Cos it doesn’t show,
He is made of plastic!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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The Pavement Pounders!

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Pavement PoundersThe head of a Korean car company was once apparently quoted as saying that ‘those who need a gym after work aren’t working hard enough’. Personally I think that’s unfair to those who work behind a desk. I count myself lucky that I get some exercise during the day, although not as much as I used to, thanks to the demands of an administrative paperwork mountain. So flex those muscles, don those expensive trainers and hit the pavements. I’m afraid you’ll have to go on your own as I’ve got oats to shovel this morning…

Jim and Jan are joggers,
Running around the town,
Pounding the pavements,
Bits bouncing up and down!
At first the cause was dietary,
Then it became a craze,
Now it’s an obsession,
Not just a passing phase!
One day they might need surgery,
One knee perhaps two,
But for now they’re happy,
To jog past me and you!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
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The Bank Holiday Barbecue!

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BarbecueAlmost all of us are blessed with a room crammed full of cooking facilities called a ‘kitchen’. However given a sunny day, with reasonably warm temperatures, we feel this primeval urge to rush outside and attempt to poison the family with undercooked or charred meat, cooked caveman-style. Given the choice I’m certain that homo-erectus would have chosen the fitted B&Q with low level grill, self-cleaning oven and hob…

Dave has lit the barbecue,
He’s also singed his hair!
The family wait hungrily,
For food that’s not quite there!

The girls are picking daisies,
The boys are scoring goals,
Dave’s poor face is reddening,
From blowing glowing coals!

The wives are busy chatting,
Don’t notice all the smoke,
Mick cracks Dave a much-needed beer,
It’s a hard job being a bloke!

An hour later they call the kids,
“Have something now to eat”
Before they have a chance to moan,
ketchup smothers meat!

Later when the light has gone,
The kids are all inside,
Huddled around the failing heat,
Dave’s shlurring hish wordsh with pride!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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An Unusual Bank Holiday Visitor!

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IcecreamvanAs a headline in a tabloid newspaper once put it “Phew What a Scorcher!” The weather this weekend has exceeded all expectations and we’ve enjoyed the company of an unexpected visitor, the sun! Lets hope it chooses to visit a few more times this summer…

What has happened I can’t rightly say,
But the weather’s been perfect this Bank Holiday.
The beaches have been busy, We’ve all seen the sun,
A most unusual visitor has uplifted everyone.
Around the rusty barby the chatter has been loud
Oblivious to the forming of large smokey cloud
Down by the ice cream van see the children swarm
Most can’t remember it being this warm!
We can just hope (according to Frank’s mum):
“A fine Bank Holiday is the sign of better things to come!”

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Shortbread on the River!

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MV ShortbreadA friend said on the phone: “Where are you? It sounds as if you’re speaking from the bottom of a bucket!” I replied that Mrs Bard and I were taking a short break on the river. Apparently this translated in poor-signal-phone-speak as ‘Shortbread on the river’. Thus the MV Shortbread was launched…

We took a short break on the river,
With excitement we could only just handle,
The weather for May, was only Ok,
More Wellington Boot than sandal.

We came to a lock with confusion,
Had to fill it before we went in,
The water arose as it does I suppose,
First dead bottle of wine for the bin!

We stopped for the night by a lake,
Secured the boat to a tree,
Come six-O’clock, we were back at the lock,
We’d not mastered the ropes, that was me!

Back at the mooring, secure,
I said “how lucky we are!”
Two more bottles of wine, we felt just fine,
As for food, it was back in the car!

We walked in search of a pub,
It was far further than it oughta!
On the way back, we came under attack,
From some cows and I fell in the water!

“You’re not coming in wet like that!”
Mrs Bard shouted at me!
I knew I was wet, how could I forget?
So had to disrobe by a tree!

I showered and warmed my poor body,
Had a steaming hot chocolate as well,
When we get back, how good was that?
Only edited highlights we’ll tell!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
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