Empty Shops!

Posted on July 17, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Every town has empty shops, Baldock is no different. Yesterday I happened to notice that a shop occupied in my youth by a grumpy jeweler was empty as was the former travel agents next door. It is worth remembering the jeweler as he used to be irritated by window-shoppers and used to shout in a guttural Eastern-European accent: “If you vant a vatch, vuy a vatch, if you don’t vant a vatch, get avay from my vindow!” On remembering this I realised that if I didn’t document the saying it would vanish along with his memory and probably his shop or even his very existence in the town…

Despite being summer here in Baldock
A chill wind blows around the town
Empty hopes and empty dreams
There are empty shops around

Tattered posters announce the circus
That months ago left the recreation field
The ruts the departing vehicles left there
Along with the turf long since healed

Gone the tinkle of the door-bell
Heralding a shopper come to buy
Long since gone the ring-buying couple
Or holiday-maker ready to fly

What will happen to all these shops?
Now we buy so much online
Will they just become more dwellings?
Their previous incarnations lost to time.

If you take a look more closely
Living space above the shop floor
So perhaps we’re talking reversion
As it all returns to a home once more!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday! 
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Childhood Vision!

Posted on July 16, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

What was your creative toy of choice when you were young? Mine was Meccano and my brother’s was Lego. Meccano has almost become extinct whereas Lego has evolved and appears to have taken over the world…

I was driving along the other day
When I suddenly had an idea
If planners thought like children
How would the world appear?

Everything would have bright colours
Red blue yellow and white
Bridges made out of Lego
Would make an incredible sight!
© Baldock Bard 2012

Every effort has been made to contact the copyright holder and obtain permission to use the photograph above.

For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday! 
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BootLine: 07852 707 074
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Suburban Rainforest!

Posted on July 15, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Some friends have recently moved house. The view from their old house into the neighbouring garden was quite unique. It was like looking down on a rainforest. I was disappointed not to see the odd monkey or snake…

Some friends lived next door to ‘Jungle Jim’
Had a garden you couldn’t fit anything in.
The shrubs had overgrown you’ve no idea,
His mower left in there some time last year.
Somewhere hidden a chair and a table
Electric strimmer and power cable.
Indiana Jones searching for the garden shed
Finds lost suburban tribe instead!
Greenhouse gasses don’t stand a chance
With a mini-rainforest of overgrown plants.
A neighbour like that makes no sense
As tigers peer through the broken fence!
When fruits overhung they went picking’em
From ‘Jungle Jim’s’ wildlife park in Twickenham!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday! 
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BootLine: 07852 707 074
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Another Wet Week!

Posted on July 14, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

With yet another wet week hitting our shores bringing chaos and flooding, people are starting to wonder if it will be a wet ‘Lympics’. No notice is being taken of a Dutchman who has built a replica Ark due to be floated up the Thames shortly. Some are drawing a parallel between this and the great storm of 1987 when a Dutch lady rang the Met Office to warn of the imminent hurricane, was ridiculed on the TV weather forecast only to be proved right within hours. Our politicians meanwhile are eagerly awaiting their free seats and hospitality at venues in and around London. One can only hope that they will be able to use the special ‘Lympic’ lanes on our streets (for athletes and ‘Lympic Family Members’ only) so they don’t miss any of the action…..

Saturday morning is here again
Summer 2012, nothing but rain
Shows put up the ‘cancelled’ sign
While MP’s insist “we’re doing just fine”

A Dutchman has built a replica Ark
He’s to moor it by the ‘Lympic Park’
If the forecasters really can’t tell what’s coming
The 100 metres could be swimming not running!

We really must learn to trust politicians
As they take free seats in the best positions
For all our sakes they issue a warning
Then blame everything on Global Warming!

Just be warned:
If a man near you
Is collecting animals
two by two!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season (hopefully) continues next Saturday! 
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The Fridge Magnet!

Posted on July 13, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday in unseasonal bright summer sunshine a group of people met to say goodbye to a good friend, Marsya. There were many tears and much laughter as wonderful memories were shared. This morning the pouring rain has returned and the people have journeyed back, to work, on holiday an even a couple who are moving house. I was about to pen a verse about journeys when I thought of a fridge magnet I was given some years ago. So I offer you this as a thought…

Just when the caterpillar thought its life was over… it turned into a butterfly. Anon

Live, Love and Enjoy.
Baldock Bard 2012

Top Totty Tales!

Posted on July 12, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

MP’s should be banned from having guns as they end up shooting themselves in the foot. Mrs Bard noticed a poster while we were staying at the George Inn at Ecceshall in Staffordshire. A local brew called ‘Top Totty’ had been banned from the bars at the Houses of Parliament because of its suggestive name. Any publicity is good publicity…

A tasty beer from afar
Caused a storm and became a star
Lady MP’s, were so ill at ease
All top totty was banned from the bar!

Merry Hay Making (part 2)!

Posted on July 11, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Hay making can sometimes be less than successful. While my recent attempts at hay-making may have been a success with a trailer-load of dry bales in the barn, the story had been heavily edited. Only triumph had been documented …

You may recall the other day
I was bold and made some hay
What I neglected then to tell
The last of the fields didn’t go well
The grass wasn’t ready, not quite fit
And recent rain turned it to sh*t
We rowed up the stuff into one row
With an old hay-turner from the hedgerow!
Then forked the muck into the forklift bucket
It started to rain and we said “f*ck it!”
So instead of any congratulatory talk
John and the Bard had to grab a fork!
Took the bucket-loads to the back of the farm
Where it will rot down and do no harm
You wouldn’t be hearing about this fail
If I hadn’t trumpeted that successful tale!

Shopping Trip!

Posted on July 10, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday Mrs Bard and I went shopping in the Marks and Spencer superstore in London Colney. With my mind firmly elsewhere I made a fool of myself…

I was calmly pushing my trolley in Marks
Mrs Bard and I shopping without any sparks
My mind had wandered don’t you know
When I stepped upon somebody’s toe
I turned around to apologise
Couldn’t really begin to believe my eyes
This lonely girl full of grace
Was all entire but had no face
Mrs Bard shouted: “It’s just not funny,
You’ve apologised to a shop floor dummy!”

For the latest 10 verses click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday! 
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Knights of the Road!

Posted on July 9, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

When you travel up and down the motorways you begin to notice transport companies simply by the frequency that you pass one of their trucks. The boredom of distance leads to the names taking on a familiarity: Turners of Soham, Norbert Dentressangle, Prestons of Potto and the daddy of them all: Eddie Stobbart. However I have a favourite…

Some firms choose Eddie Stobart
Some on Dentressangle are sold
But if I had some stuff to shift
I’d choose Knights of Old!

I don’t know if they’re better
I don’t know if they’re true
But they promise ‘Service With Honour’
I think for me that would do!

I see them on the motorway
I see them by the river
Knights of Old are on the road
Jousting to deliver!

Damaged Shoes!

Posted on July 8, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Do you wear damaged shoes? If not you probably haven’t got a dog. The other day I went to get a pair of shoes (I thought hidden from Teeth-on-Legs-with-Tail) only to discover that my hiding place had been discovered. Trying to maintain some sort of dignity in public knowing my shoes could disintegrate at any moment wasn’t easy. We decided to try some new dog food…

All my shoes are damaged,
Our dog so likes to chew!
Other dog owners sympathise,
Say “got a puppy too?”

Mrs Bard bought some dog food,
We hadn’t tried at home,
On the packet was a shoe,
Would my footwear be left alone?

The dog wolfed down the contents,
Burped, not saying pardon,
Grabbed a shoe from by the door,
And ran off down the garden!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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