The Reason the Visitors Wouldn’t Leave!

Posted on April 25, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

On the 24^th February I wrote how our geese were having trouble with guests that would not leave (http://bit.ly/1fMq9qU). Now it seems that they had an ulterior motive: like Mary, she was ‘with child’. Yesterday morning the proud parents paraded their young for all to see, rather like a walkabout on a royal foreign tour…

Spring has sprung at last round here!
It’s a magical time of the year,
lambs are prancing under the trees,
everywhere are Bumble-Bees!
Yesterday morning my eyes did fix,
on our Canadian visitors with five chicks!
If there’s a better morning sight to see,
I don’t know, please tell me!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
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The Baldock Boot Sale  returns for the twenty-second season TOMORROW!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Plastic Hammer!

Posted on April 24, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Our twenty-second season of car boot sales starts on Saturday. The days leading up to the first one seem to be much shorter than in a normal week. As I get (much) older I need to rely on more help to prepare, many hands make light work…

Granddaughter has joined the team,
to prepare for the car boot sale,
she helps put up the new roadside sign,
despite Granddad looking pale,
when she picks up a hammer,
and swings it around her head,
causing a Health and Safety panic,
which is better left unsaid!
The new sign is finally erected,
for all who pass to see,
and the gang who are getting ready,
go off home for tea!
(or milk and biscuits and to play with plastic hammer like Granddad!)

FYI: At all times the child mentioned here was supervised by seventeen carefully trained specialists (out of shot) in the art of using a hammer and no animals were harmed in the production of this verse. Serving Suggestion Only.

FYI2: There are some companies that go that extra mile for their customers. Poster Pidgeon (who printed our new signs) is a great find. For someone like me who struggles with sizes and puzzles over pixels, they are a godsend.
Thank you Posterpigeon! They can be found at: Posterpigeon.co.uk

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale  returns for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Thoughts About a Terrier!

Posted on April 23, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I was looking at my slumbering dog yesterday and wondering what human career she would have followed. Of course we all think our pooches are capable of far more than would be otherwise obvious. So I had a go at listing possible occupations…

My dog could be a poet or a husky-voiced jazz singer,
or a very accomplished cathedral bell ringer.
She could ride a bike in the Isle of Man TT,
or be a lumberjack and cut down the tallest tree!

She could be a ballerina and strike an impossible pose,
or be a plastic surgeon and reshape someone’s nose!
If she were a chef nothing would ever leave the kitchen,
If she were an estate agent she’d do well to sell in Hitchin!

If she were a funeral director she’d be solemnly dressed in black,
or write for a newspaper and call herself a hack
But all she wants to do is live without a saga
And spend much time asleep… in front of the Aga!

What could your dog do?

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale  returns for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Early Morning Pains! (the last piece of Easter egg)

Posted on April 22, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Early this morning I was awake, coping with self-inflicted, Easter-egged, stomach-ache! Vowing never to eat chocolate again (until the memory wears off in a day or so), I opened the curtains where I am staying and took in the early morning scene…

It’s 2am, everyone’s asleep,
Dreaming dreams or counting sheep.
Sepia streetlights hold their sway,
Waiting to herald a brand new day.
A few more hours of sleep’s a perk,
It’s Tuesday morning, back to work!
Easter eggs are now mere wrappers,
Hymns an echo of happy clappers!
And life resumes its inevitable course,
Just as cart, comes before the horse!
Work’s been on hold since last Thursday,
Just thirteen days ‘til the next holiday!

Is that a piece of Easter egg that I missed?
(Should now read: “Was that a piece of Easter egg that I missed?”)

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale  returns for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

There’s Always Someone to Blame! (this time it’s me)

Posted on April 21, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning the media are looking for someone to blame for the rain spoiling everyone’s Easter Day! Unfortunately, just one day’s rain in April can’t be down to climate change, the Environment Agency or events in the Middle East, so they’ve had to widen the search. I might just be able to help…

I took my car to the car wash,
On Easter day afternoon.
The sky looked rather threatening,
I was expecting rain quite soon!

I sat in the waiting room,
Watching the suds and the spray.
Thinking how dirty my car was,
And how little I had to pay!

I drove out of the car wash,
Just as it started to rain,
I should be shamed by the media,
As there’s always someone to blame!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale  returns for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Scarecrow and the Jacket!

Posted on April 20, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

While browsing in a local shop yesterday I came across a remaindered rail full of jackets. As is my habit, I took a photo for possible future use. Later on, while downloading the picture, I was suddenly reminded of a gentle-man who lived in our village and how one day he’d given me a jacket…

Francis rang me up to say,
“I saw your scarecrow yesterday,
and far from me to criticise,
the coat doesn’t fit and is not its size!
I have an old coat I no longer wear,
that may be rather useful there!”

I accepted the coat, I did not know,
that it had be tailored in Saville Row!
It was only when I got it home,
t’was in a better state than my own!
It wouldn’t go to waste, there was no doubt,
the scarecrow would be going without!

Dedicated to the late Francis Tufton, a gentle and generous countryman.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale  returns for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Driving Down to the Sea! (on a Bank Holiday weekend)

Posted on April 19, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Apparently this Easter Bank Holiday Weekend sees the largest traffic numbers on our roads for the whole year. It is also the busiest time for the breakdown services as cars are expected to go on long journeys without proper servicing or care…

“Lets go down to the sea,” she said,
“Let’s go down to the sea,
We can show our Jack the boats and the sand,
As he’s now turned three!”

“Did you service the car?” she said,
“Did you service the car?
We don’t want a truck to bring us back home,
Because it’s really too far!”

“We’ll have fish and chips” she said
“We’ll have fish and chips,
We can sit on the harbor wall and eat,
And show our Jack all the ships!”

“Why did we park on a slope?” she said,
“Why did we park on a slope?
There’s room in the car park over there,
You just have to pay that bloke!”

“What’s that falling in the sea?” she said,
“What’s that falling in the sea?
Are you sure you put the handbrake on?
‘Cos it looks like our car to me!”

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale  returns for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Monkey Business (wot no bananas?)

Posted on April 18, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

In the local store yesterday I noticed an extraordinary sight – they were almost completely out of bananas. In fact such was the sense of devastation at the banana selling point that it looked as if it had been ransacked by hungry monkeys…

They came running in at half past five,
At the store near Railway Drive
Rushed around the shop like hungry piranhas
Emptied the display of fair-trade bananas!
When the manager tried to intervene
They called him names quite obscene!
The local paper never slow to press
Headline wrote: Monkey Busy-mess!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale  returns for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Cinderella’s Missing Shoe!

Posted on April 17, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

While clearing out my car, I came across a shoe. It has provoked a mystery as it doesn’t belong to either Mrs or Daughter Bard. Some people (rather cruelly in my opinion) are even beginning to suggest it might be mine. It is a mystery that I fear may never be solved…

Oh Cinderella where are you?
You’ve left behind a strappy black shoe,
I found it when I cleared out the car,
Now I wonder who on earth you are!

It is not one that I ever remember,
I don’t wear heels my feet are tender!
Would be quite useful in a flood,
It can’t be mine because there is no mud!

So Cinderella please step forward,
Do you live in Bedford, or even Norwood?
If you want it please just you call,
Then at last you can go to the ball!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale  returns for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Last Daffodil

Posted on April 16, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

We have one daffodil left under the flowering cherry tree. A daffodils departure often goes unnoticed as our eyes feast on blossom. This year I have been out and thanked her for her unique colour when all around was still drab and winter-like…

A lonely daffodil called Dilly
Was standing alone by a tree
“I’m the last one left
I’m quite bereft
There’s nobody left but me”

All the others had petals a-crispy
Their time was over this year
They’d said their goodbyes
With watery eyes
Next year they will reappear

Under the tree filled with blossom
The lonely daffodil made clear:
“I am quite sure,
I’ve done this before,
I’ll see you again in a year”
© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale  returns for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk