The Cottage Back Door!

Posted on September 6, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Staying with our friend in a cottage in Llanfachreth, North Wales, we went to look at a cottage he’d seen for sale. It looked too good to be true, and unfortunately it was. Everything that was good was immediately followed with a ‘but’ (there is a patio area overlooking the river, but it’s also the only place to park a car – one false move and car becomes boat!). It was also a beautiful sunny day, rose-coloured spectacles to the fore…

I’d love a cottage
A little Welsh cottage
With a river running right by the back door
And if I had that cottage
That little Welsh stone cottage
I’d be fishing with my rod from the back door

We looked at a cottage
A little Welsh cottage
Where the river flowed right by the back door
The price was bargain basement
I looked on with amazement
As the river flowed right by the same back door

I talked to some neighbours
Some very Welsh neighbours
They told me all about that very same back door
In winter it rains and snows
Flooding down the lane it flows
Through the front and out the same back door!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues this Saturday at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Ignoring the Noisy Neighbours!

Posted on September 5, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday we headed down from our Welsh mountain cottage in the clouds, where we are spending a couple of days with a friend, into the nearest town. The scenery was breathtaking, a picture postcard view around every hairpin bend. The silence was absolute, until we were joined by some noisy neighbours…

Yesterday morning we went into town,
To do some shopping and look around,
It was not far, just down the mountain,
About eight miles but no-one was counting!
So we drove off down the roads single track,
Sat-nav was set to find our way back!
We drove through a narrow high mountain pass,
Hillside sheep were munching away at some grass,
When all of a sudden a deafening sound,
Of a low-level jet fighter hugging the ground!
To be flying that low, the pilots are brave,
I am convinced that I saw one wave!
When I had recovered looked back up the pass,
The sheep were still munching away at the grass!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues Saturday morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

The Unfolding View!

Posted on September 4, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

I always say that you are only really lost when you come across grass growing down the centre of the road! On Sunday Mrs Bard and I drove to join a friend in a remote holiday cottage near Dolgellau in North Wales. I had forgotten how good isolation is for the soul (as well as no internet access or mobile phone signal within walking distance – good for peace but not for posting!). Apparently when the owners bought this cottage, mist and fog meant they didn’t see the view for four visits, we were somewhat luckier…

I wandered lonely amongst the bracken,
That encroaches on the cattle track,
Holding my phone up to the heavens,
To get a signal to call you back!
All of a sudden I had a thought,
Our conversation meant you’re well,
The spread of mountains that lay before me,
Meant all my worries could go to hell!
I suddenly noticed mountain colour,
Where before had been dark green and brown,
The world around had shared its beauty,
No prettier landscape to be found.
Back inside the former chapel,
All my fears just lifted away,
The hustle and bustle of my existence,
Left back home for another day!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues Saturday morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

The Tea Makers!

Posted on September 3, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

The Games-makers (Volunteers) have been credited as central to the success of both the Olympics and the Paralympics. This is the public side of volunteering. It is what we British do well. Lesser considered is the almost invisible acts of selflessness that take place daily and upon which local events rely. Yesterday I was with a small number of volunteers, making tea for 170 guests, to celebrate the 200^th anniversary of the founding of their chapel in the small Welsh village of Pembrey. Blessed are the tea-makers, the butter-spreaders and the washer-uppers, for their reward is observing the satisfaction others get from a well-made sandwich, cake or welcome cup of tea…

A small Welsh chapel celebrates today,
Two hundred years of Thought, Hymn and Pray.
They’re holding a tea in the Memorial Hall,
Another denomination? They welcome them all.

In the morning, a small team of helpers,
Gather to spread, cut and cling wrap.
It’s like a social, everyone chatting,
Quiet efficiency, no sign of a flap.
Mid afternoon, the guests all assemble,
Sit at the tables, “wonderful food!”
The spoken volume slowly increases,
“Another cake? To refuse would be rude!”

Everyone leaves, all in agreement,
“Fantastic tea!” they say or they think.
The hall is empty but in the kitchen,
Volunteers are gathered, working the sink!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Salek’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

The Outside Room!

Posted on September 2, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

There are many thoughts on how to present a pitch at a boot sale. Some prefer items to be formally presented on tables and some like to see customers rummaging through piles on the ground. There are some who see the exercise as an excuse to outdo a John Lewis store window…

Mr and Mrs Albert Groom,
Turned their boot pitch into a room.
Pictures on ‘walls’, rugs on the ground,
It’s the finest outside room to be found!
The only problem I have to say,
So much stuff it’s probably still there today!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues this morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Public Sunflower Failure!

Posted on September 1, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Sometimes the very best intentions go awry. In farming, mistakes that lead to spectacular weed growth almost always happen next to the road where sufferers of ‘Farmer’s Neck’ will be able to see and snigger (Farmers Neck: The ability to rotate head by 360 degrees to view a neighbours crops while driving past). The sniggering isn’t out of spite but a nervous reaction that suggests ‘there by the grace of God go I’ at the same time praising the fact it is somebody else’s turn. Yet again I am the source of Farmers neck…

There are places on my farm,
Where cock-ups should not be made.
More visible than at a wedding,
Toasting the couple with Lucozade!

Twice I drilled some sunflowers,
I thought they’d look fine,
Next to the car boot entrance,
Yellow soldiers all in a line!

First the frost came and killed them,
So I planted some more seeds,
I really don’t know what happened,
All that came were weeds!

So look for Fat Hen and Poppy,
If you visit the car boot sale,
And don’t let me catch you smirking,
At my public sunflower fail!

For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues this morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Bruce the Cockerel

Posted on August 31, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

As with our cats and dogs, farmyard animals become members of our extended family. It’s probably because we name them and see them wandering around the farm every day. Our North Holland Blue Cockerel died this week and it’s not only the hens that are missing him…

Bruce the Cockerel is no more,
We found him dead upon the floor.
Why he died we cannot say,
He just looked hunched then passed away.

Unlike some cockerels he was kind and gentle,
So his loss to the hens is monumental.
The farm is quieter now we know,
We’ll no longer be woken by his morning crow!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues tomorrow morning at 7am!
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Grandad – What’s a Bookcase?

Posted on August 30, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday Mrs Bard and I helped Son-in-law and Daughter Bard move furniture. John and I struggled to move a large piece of furniture, the placement of which was proving to be a challenge. Having moved it for the last time we suddenly realized that the purpose of a bookcase/CD rack would be lost on future generations due to two pieces of technology…

Where would I be without my Kindle?
It carries far more books than I could,
I can take them all out to the grain store,
And if I wanted to, out to the wood!
Just under two hundred titles,
From travel to classics and more,
It’s almost too easy to buy them,
No bookcase is needed to store!

Where would I be without my i-phone?
My CD collection is there.
From Dance to Trance and Big Bands,
And even the soundtrack from ‘Hair’!
It would take 5.2 days to listen,
Without repeating a track,
Discs no more clutter the sideboard,
No need for a tall CD rack!

Grandchild Bard in the year 2040,
Finds a wooden rack in a shed,
It looks like it once was for storage,
But its use leads to scratching of head!
It was said you could tell someone’s intellect,
If their bookcase dwarfed their TV,
I’ve embraced the new way of doing,
There doesn’t seem much hope for me!

For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Loads of Wheat and Paper!

Posted on August 29, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Last week the wheat on the farm was tested, this week it starts to leave! Paperwork and regulations, devised by unseen desk-drivers, becomes all-important! It is simple to load and cart grain with the large bucket on the JCB. Making sure the paperwork is correct, less so…

N.B. This verse is dedicated to all those connected with Fengrain and L&H Transport for making my life that bit easier due to their expertise and good humour

Amy from Fengrain’s on the phone she wants to move some wheat,
She’ll get on to transport, to make the consignment complete!
Mick rings up from L&H, “We want six lorry loads,
Can we start Tuesday to miss the Bank Holiday roads?”
Ian arrives to collect a load, early on Tuesday,
Wants a load of quality wheat, “for biscuits so they say!”
So starts up a paper trail, longer than a mile,
Loading the wheat takes no time, but forms take quite a while!
Traceablity is the game, any farmer can play,
When imported wheat is cheaper, it magically goes away!
First take a passport, needed for every load,
Make sure it’s filled in triplicate, before it hits the road.
Add an Assurance Sticker, after examination took place last June,
Thank heavens that we passed it, failure leads to doom!
Add the lorries last three loads, having fully inspected the trailer,
Get the driver to countersign, or you will have a failer!
Fill in the Renewable Energy Directive, crops not grown on an SSSI?
It’s something to do with Brussels, heaven and they know why!
A test result for Mycotoxyn, I’ve done a risk assessment,
By this time I’ve lost the will to live, just protecting my grain investment!
Then I sign the haulier’s pad, I add the trailers code,
I write that he’s swept it three times, after every load!
So next time you buy Cream Crackers, Bourbons or Rich Tea,
The traceability process was started here by me!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

The Garden Strimmer!

Posted on August 28, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

I am not a great gardener. I find there are a million and one more enjoyable things to be done before tinkering with the trellis, haranguing the hedge or grappling with the grass. Mrs Bard says that all I want is the ‘Parasol and Pimms’ part of gardening and that I always seem to ‘pull a Houdini’ (rather than a muscle), when there is work to be done…

Mrs Bard gave me a strimmer for my birthday
I gave her a piece of my mind
She said the garden was overgrown
I thought that she was unkind

Until I went to take a look
And found the shed had gone
I found grandma sat in the long grass
With the lost patio set she was on!

I found the lawnmower choked right up with weeds
Put my foot in a water-filled bucket
Hobbled around clutching my leg
Shouting loudly “OH BOTHER!”